Way Of The Dove

Why So Hard

2012-01-21T04:43:00.000-08:00

Well today is such a beautiful day, why you ask? Well the reason it is beautiful is simply because I know that whatever happens I am free, free from frustration, disappointment and what ever garbage that seems to weigh down the heart of a man/woman. I have pursued sponsors with a fire in my soul and yet not a single one has committed and that is just fine by me. The hardship of my journey isn't in the rejection of others or how they view my stroke as non important, what matters the most is am I willing to fight for what I believe in, is it precious to me and will I go beyond my weaknesses to find hope.

I am very happy to say that my joy isn't in my acceptance of others but in a God of grace and so I press onward despite the lack of funding in order for me to reach the goal that is set before me. Have you ever desired or wanted something that you knew was good for the soul?! Something so precious that you knew it could only drive you to higher heights, to a place of "I knew in the heart of hearts that there was a reason for what I did" If you have a passion that you are willing to fight for, to sweat for, to sacrifice almost anything for, then it better be worth its weight in gold. Consider the cost before building the building, I believe there is a bible verse pertaining to that concept. We all face walls of doubt or resistance whether it be exterior or internal but either way it has to be overcome or left to failure. I tell you one thing though, when you overcome what seemed almost impossible to imagine, it makes your heart dance for joy and your mind just shakes with absolute confidence!

Well despite my present financial circumstances I am proud to say that I am willing to fight for what I believe in and I hope you are to. If you can't lay your heart on the line for something then you really can't find out what you are really made of. Life is the pot and circumstances the fire that causes the water to bubble and the gold is Gods purpose for your life. So let the dross come to the top in challenges and whatever is pure shall remain beautiful.

No Guts No Glory

2011-12-25T21:23:00.000-08:00

When I first stood up after being told I had a stroke, I had a fire in me, a drive to never let this thing kill me, eat me up. Slowly as time passed I notice severe challenges, too many to count. Sometimes when you face so many obstacles you become numb and when something happens on top of all the challenges you either break or you simply say "c'mon, bring it on!". What will one more obstacle or challenge do, so you pick up your sunglasses and you smile look up and say "Never ever give up!". You come to a conclusion or an epiphany and set your goals and pursue them no matter what. You refuse to settle for second best or for that matter what ever else, it isn't about perfection or not accepting yourself for who you are, it is just a matter of overcoming what life throws at you and maybe, just maybe you want to be stronger in the end. I don't like to give up and all through history great people never quit. I thank God I am still alive and now I want to inspire others instead of sitting around and sulking about what I have or may not have. Life is short and it is definitely beautiful, so live it to the fullest under Gods grace. Well that is my thought for the day and I hope you will look at your impossibilities and live beyond your limitations. Here I am running my 15th city and I am out of money, and I have petitioned almost every company possible for support, some say "yes" then back out while others don't give me the time of day. Just because 200 people refuse that doesn't mean there isn't 1, just 1 that will take me in and believe in what I am doing. If anything happens I have gotten thicker skin and I really am learning how people tick.

It really boils down to how you see things, how you approach the race, the goal! When everything else fades, your mind needs to be steadfast and secure on what you believe is possible, inevitable. Then you train your heart out and fight for every step, go past every hurdle and live the dream. Remember nothing is worth its time unless you have to fight for it!

Those little moments

2011-12-12T16:41:00.000-08:00

Today at the gym a wonderful lady was exercising and she was very overweight, she looked very uncomfortable so I told her that I had a stroke and had to learn everything again. Her eyes widened as she watched me lifting my toes to the bar above me. Then I told her this "kudos to you for coming here and taking a big step and you know what, the battle is all in your mind. I fought long and hard to get where I am and I just focused on the goal and pursued it and you can do the same!"

Then a different lady came up to me and said "That was really kind of you to say that, that really moved me, thank you" You never know who is listening and what you can do for others if you just give from the heart. We sometimes become so occupied with our end destination or goal that we leave everything that is beautiful behind. Why not embrace every step along the way and make others happy while you do it. It is worth it if you try. Maybe some hidden treasure will be found in the process, a gem that will keep a smile on your face for years to come :)

Hunger

2011-12-11T00:49:00.001-08:00

I lived in my car for sometime due to contractors lying and cheating me out of wages so their sons could drive bmw's etc. Well I didn't get paid and slept through an entire winter in a car. I often woke up because of the chattering of my teeth, I ate small amounts of food that my soon to be wife gave me (an apple or an orange, maybe a banana) She took only food that was her own and then shared it with me. Some nights were beyond bareable and so I slept during the day when the sun was out. My girlfriend was going to school at the time and while she was in class I would sleep in the main study hall. I was a very broken person back then, disheartened by those who lied and those who withheld due wages. In fact I remember my stomach hurting so much that I often thought of eating garbage just so I could get by. Well right across from me was a food dispenser that I often stared at but had no money to purchase food for my hunger, late one afternoon I saw a few women from my girlfriends dorm room tipping the machine so they could get candies and food just for the sake of it. They thought it trivial and erroneous to believe they were stealing and for some reason felt it was humorous to take what was not their own. As they walked away they chuckled at the thought of their actions and that they had the money to purchase but instead took what they felt they deserved despite the lack of hunger.

I never forgot that day nor the hunger that constantly burned in my belly. I questioned Gods kindness and mans mercy but I knew that in those moments that God was digging deeper into the very depths of my soul, telling me with memories that hunger is but a moment but honour is a lifetime. Don't forget that every action you do has an indescribable reaction. You can chose to have a photo album of memories worth smiling about, looking back knowing that you put your faith in a God who remains strong through even the roughest times. I am no special person by any means but I do believe that Christ has created in me a clean heart, to worship him, to live for him, to run for him, to be all the things that Gods heart spurs me towards. Late one night as I was shaking from the cold a security guard took notice to my predicament, he invited me to his office and gave me hot chocolate and 10 dollars. We spoke and laughed for a brief time, I forget the words he spoke but I never forgot his kind smile and giving heart. We all have an opportunity to be the light that everyone so desperately needs, sometimes it's like the break of dawn, shining beautifully as it rises and other times it just a brief light to guide the ship home from rough waters. After that winter and others I had experienced in hardship I never forgot the value of people over objects. Christmas is a time of giving from the heart not the wallet, a precious star of hope guiding us to a promise much bigger than ourselves.

The Rest Of Your Life

2011-12-08T00:25:00.001-08:00

Pain tells me on a regular basis that it feels that it governs who and what I am, what I should accomplish and how far I should run or what I should strive for. Little does it know that I am chiselled, shaped and molded for something bigger than myself and so I consider it mute, daft and useless under the greatest earplugs ever made, hope! So why not live a life that is memorable and profound, embrace every step and live beyond the average! You can do it ;)

Backbone

2011-11-23T08:29:00.000-08:00

Well tonight I had a blowout, well not really a blowout but a momentary lapse of judgement. The story is a bit long but worth mentioning, I was sitting in the van waiting for my kids to come out of the church and I saw this young man and his wife arguing with one of the volunteers. Now I must tell you something of importance, they were known for being complainers and frustratingly hmmm what is the right word? Well it will come to me, well I could see they were getting really nasty towards the church staff and I have heard for some time that they were a pain in everyone's side. Now to put in context, this was a kids bible, slash, event centre. So the problem truly arose due to the issues surrounding the couples child who has been a constant trouble maker. Every time the matter is brought up to the parents they blame someone else or believe that they or their child could never do no wrong. Any time a staff member deals with the couple it ends in eye rolling, shrugs and shear frustration. They often come across as being far better than others. Well now that I have laid the ground work for my momentary lapse of judgement I will proceed forward with my story.

I was sitting in the van watching the couple berate some innocent volunteer because they decided that the young child was being problematic (once again) I could see by the fathers posture that he was laying right into the poor guy. This was going on for a good 5 to 10 minutes and so I got out of the van and walked in. I listened for a few minutes and thought "no I just have to use the bathroom, just leave it alone" but then it got worse. The volunteer was apologizing but yet trying to stand his ground, being polite as possible but as soon as he left the pastor came walking over and said " is there anything wrong?" Then the mother of the child ripped into the pastor and then that was it! My stroke problems kicked in. I just stepped in and told them this " You guys are so arrogant and it is disgusting, you should be ashamed! It's disgusting, man you guys are so full of shhhhhh" well you get the idea. I thankfully held back my tongue and didn't finish the statement as intended. I was angry not because the couple was completely unreasonable or self absorbed or the thousand other things that they truly were, I was angry that so many people put up with their childish behaviour. The squeeky wheel was getting the grease and it was insulting. I wanted someone to have some backbone, any one!

After this transpired, I walked over to the van and for some reason I felt really good about myself. Maybe because they deserved to hear that they were arrogant or maybe because I stood up to something that I personally hate, apathy. Personally it may not have been the best approach but as far as me standing up to some severely manipulative people, it was an A+. Being a christian doesn't mean you have to be a doormat to people who cause nothing but strife. Others are watching and they learn about dealing with conflict. There comes a time when you have to stand up to others and refuse to take what they are giving. It is called dignity and respect.

Toy Traders Giveaway Winner

2011-11-13T00:48:00.000-08:00

Thank you to everyone who entered the Toy Traders giveaway! Comment number 9 was randomly selected. Congratulations Jaimy S!

Here is your sequence:

Timestamp: 2011-11-13 08:24:30 UTC

jaimy S said...

I would spend the $50 Lego and....a wii game!

For oh but one

2011-11-12T23:25:00.000-08:00

Well here I am sitting in my room thinking of all the tasks that seem to be overwhelming me. The frustration with talking, the embarrassing moments of stumbling and looking like I am drunk but really it is my stroke. I know that if I think for but a few moments I could really revel in my weaknesses, even cringe at the thought of what others might think but really is that what life is about or should be about?! Worrying about what others think is a full time job and I didn't apply for it so I am going to put it to the way side and pick up my dreams, my hopes and aspirations and look ahead. I want my life to be a shining star, a bright moment of hope! We can accomplish so much in the days that we live but what matters most is the dignity and honour that we carry in our struggles, the grace in our stride is profound if we choose it.
I remember as a child sitting in a field of beautiful colours and the grass was swaying to and fro, I was mesmerized by the beauty of the butterflies passing me by as the gentle breeze kissed my face gently. The sunlight embraced me with warmth and wonder and I felt the hand of Gods amazing beauty, all of creation dancing in a silhouette of laughter. I wasn't worried, fearful or concerned, I just embraced the moment with praise. As a child I looked at what was and not so much at what was not, I was just immersed in learning, loving, laughing and being alive. This is where I am now, making the conscious decision to simply just love and be something more then a worry or a frown. Life is short and I am even shorter ;)

When I look back I remember the painful moments in life but more so the beauty and grace that touches my heart and that is worth fighting for.

Toy Traders Giveaway

2011-10-28T01:18:00.000-07:00

One of you lucky people will win a woman's Toy Traders t-shirt, a man's Flash t-shirt and $50 worth of Toy Trader bucks. The shirts will be in the size of your choosing (based on availability) and the $50 Toy Trader bucks can be used on anything in the store (Lego, Playmobil, Webkinz, video games etc). What a great way to get some Christmas shopping done!!!

Leave a separate comment for each entry. Please leave your e-mail in this format: wayofthedove(at)yahoo(dot)com so you can be contacted if you win. All entries will be verified.

Mandatory entry:
* like Way of the Dove and Toy Traders on Facebook
(and comment here with your first name and last initial of your Facebook name ie: Ernie K)

Additional entries:
* follow WofTD and Toy Traders on Twitter
(and comment here with your Twitter name)
* leave a comment saying what you would buy with your $50 Toy Trader bucks

Daily entry:
* tweet the following and post the link to your tweet here each day
#Win $50 Toy Trader bucks to #ToyTraders in #Langley and two awesome T-shirts from @WofTD and @ToyTraders http://wayofthedove.blogspot.com/2011/10/toy-traders-giveaway.html (Nov 12)
(Not sure how to get a link to your tweet? Find out here.)

Open to anyone willing to drive to Toy Traders in Langley, BC to pick up their prizes.

Ends November 12, 2011

When commenting you can select "Name" (leave the "url" space blank if you like) OR you can select "Anonymous" -- just be sure to leave your e-mail address so I can contact you if you win!

A note to a dear friend.

2011-09-30T11:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Me:

Now I know you are lost in fear, I feel it within every step I take. The moments in between laughter and sorrow, tears of hope and whisperings of failure. It seems as though I am climbing a mountain that never ends but who am I and what am I?! I must be more than this. Well I am.....
In life I know that things change and sometimes people fade away and maybe even memories but I was meant for more than feeling afraid or lost in the dark! I have survived a devastating storm and for this I should be proud, I should be proud that I am crawling out of this dark hole of impossibilities. Soon the light will shine once more and I will feel the warmth upon my face but until that moment passes I will carry on. The garden of my dreams has been ruined but that doesn't mean that things will not grow it only means I have to work harder to make it happen. So it is time for me to pull the weeds of anxiety, dig out the rocks of doubt and plant tiny seeds of change and hope. Embrace the seasons as they turn and dance with the grace of God. I am more than just a day that passes under the morning light, I am the laughter that tears will embrace, I am the joy that sorrow will kiss. I am the victory that God will never miss!

Dedicated to my dear friend tracy and all those who feel lost or overwhelmed....

You are more than this moment!

Words Of Change

2011-09-29T20:34:00.000-07:00

As of lately, I have been running my feet off and when I say "feet off" I mean it! I say that with a slight chuckle but all in all it is true. I never thought in my wildest dreams that this 70x7 tour would take off so well and yet it has. Somewhere deep inside my heart I felt there was a reason why all of this happened and that God knows His business. I just decided that either I was looking at one big pile of impossibilities or I would take every minute at a time, maybe even seconds and see opportunities. Yes, sometimes it really got that bad but I'm not a quitter and I never will be! Now I could sugar coat my journey but for the most part it was hell on earth, no two ways about it, period.

In life we can either triumph over our circumstances or we can believe that everything should be handed to us on a silver platter and well, that just isn't me. I chose to run for hope, not away from it! You can simply choose one or the other but from that point onward, one will strengthen you and the other will lead you astray. slowly compromising all your hopes, dreams and aspirations. Take this moment to embrace victory and challenge every little opposition that dares to tell you that you can't do it! Every little doubt that wants you to fail, slowly pay less attention to it and the voice will only get quieter. Start today, you are worth it! Whatever requires strength, demands excellence in repetition.

I hope these words give you comfort and dare to challenge you, to make you believe that you have a greater purpose than failure! I know Gods grace will carry you onward..

Me and Crabmagoo

2011-08-19T05:24:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard of the crabmagoo theory?! Well most likely you have felt it in some way or another or may just maybe you might have done it your self. Now of course the real name is some what lengthy but I prefer the crabmagoo theory! What I mean is this, when you begin to do something great in your life or accomplish something worthy of a little joy or excitement there is always someone who sees your attempts to escape the bucket and tries to pull you down. It sounds crazy doesn't it?! Well sadly enough crabs will continually pull each other down not wanting to let the other one go or to escape. We sometimes catch that little bit of fever and do the same or have been victimized in the same manner. If you are that person who is diligently trying to overcome your situation, trying to be a better person or for that matter just living out your dreams and hopes when suddenly someone comes along and tries to yank you back down into the bucket with the rest of the crabs, just remember you don't have to be there. Fight with every bit, every ounce of who you are and keep reaching higher and if those friends try to pull you down again, it just might be time to let go of that friend. Their selfishness may supersede their intent to be what all good friends ought to be, encouraging, loving, thoughtful and caring.
It never feels good to let a friendship go but sometimes there are seasons for friendships, for laughter, for pain, for so many things and life is messy. Don't take their baggage with you, just let it go and carry onward, you have victory in the waiting so press forward and don't give up! True friends will come along and you will forget all about the momentary pain of a friendship that once was...
True friends are made of the best ingredients, love, patients, mercy, kindness, courage and so much more, their welcome never ends!

Here is one of my favourite songs about friendship and it is worth the listen.

Friends ~ By Michael W Smith

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbPKaIozS-c

From storm to storm what shall we be

2011-07-30T11:11:00.000-07:00

How fragile is life? For the past few years I knew that personally and intimately. I didn't mind the struggles because for some reason I just plugged away at it. You know, you just keep swimming because, well you have to! When my wife suddenly became sick, that was a shocker. Her body, her immune system finally broke down all because of my stroke, the stress.

Here I am looking down at my wife, watching her as she seems so lifeless, so withdrawn, no energy. She was the pillar for the last few years, being the real trooper, the sergeant in the midst of a war. Now things have turned, it may be for a short while but it has turned nonetheless. How do we overcome such obstacles, such walls of hurt? Well let me tell you something beautiful, something sweet. When I saw my wife lying there, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and that this was my moment to shine! It may sound crazy but what I mean is this, I have the chance to show my wife how much I love her and how much she means to me. I sat beside her bed and I rubbed her for some time, the minutes turned into hours and all I wanted to do is let her know that I am by her side! As the tears welled up in me, I just told myself "you can do this for her, be the strong one now!" It is funny how life can teach you how to be brave in so many different ways. You just never know who you really are until you face the storm! Will you hide, cringe and maybe even fall to the way side or will you suddenly stand up and raise your shield, your sword and fight! Become bold and brave....

We all face adversity, it is those moments that truly define you, the depth of who you are and are not. Most see affliction, suffering, trials and pain as a negative; all too harsh reality for losing ones spirit. I say it is the perfect opportunity for being the person that God has called you to be. Will you answer, will you step out of the boat and live a life of bravery! Are you willing to be different? Well I am going to run all those cities because now I know that this is what i was meant to do. It is time to shine like the stars and after being hard pressed on either side, this makes the journey even sweeter, more precious. Thank you God for being my strength, being my everlasting hope!

Matthew 14:29

You can rise above or sink into a world of fear but inevitably you must choose!

Why I must

2011-07-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

The last few days have been very reflective for me. I can't really put into words the full spectrum of it all but I will try my best. For me it is as though I am falling out of a nightmare and landing into the most beautiful dream ever. When my stroke happened it was like hitting a huge massive wall, I mean I had faced poverty, bullying and so much more but the stroke literally took the wind out of my sails, in fact I think it took them altogether. Here I was stranded in the middle of the ocean without any way of getting back. I had to literally reinvent myself, find out who God wanted me to be and what I wanted to believe in the most. When desperate times require desperate measures I guess I took that to the extreme. I made my own wind sails and dug deep into the heart of perseverance. You know, now that I think about my journey I see that I have become much stronger, you either fall to the way side or you simply refuse to quit! I had no idea that I had that much strength in me and for the times I didn't have any, God gave me just the right amount. A perfect balance of hope, faith and love. Those really are the perfect ingredients for inspiration! For being able to move mountains of impossibility.
So here I am just finishing city #3 and I am blown away by the dreams I am starting to see come about. I actually woke up this morning and was singing in the shower. I had to catch myself and just think about the fact that I hadn't sang in such a long time. I was too busy trying to swim to shore that I forgot that I wasn't doing the most peaceful and most enjoyable simple things. Well I have my tune, my melody and no one is going to take it away. The nice thing about music is that it is worth sharing and when it comes from the soul it simply is beautiful.

Time to kiss the dreams of angels and laugh among the clouds of courage and of change! By Evk

So Shall It Be

2011-07-19T22:30:00.000-07:00

Here I am, jogging across another city. It was amazing to say the least! I had preciously imagined this moment, tasted it within my dreams. I don't know exactly why I am so driven, so focused on doing this task. I can't put a finger on when or how it really happened but it did. Maybe the stroke catapulted me into something that I didn't want but inevitably had to accept. Somehow it shaped my character more than I could have ever imagined. Well I am just about to run city number 3 and i am even more excited than the last time I ran. Why? Maybe because every time I face the giant I get a little bit stronger. I am slowly silencing the impossible, the improbable. Now I am making it possible!!
As I pass through each city I run up to restaurants and tell them of my journey. The excitement is completely exhilarating and even inspiring when I see the smiles and the faces that seem a little awe struck at the challenge that I am taking on. It gives me something to focus on, to hold to when I run. My heart feels like it is floating on clouds....
Well I must get back to eating the right foods for the run and continue training the best that I can! Everything that is amazing in life starts from somewhere, some small insignificant place, something small that begins to grow and grow until it cannot be ignored any longer! This dream deserves a pair of shoes and a beautiful cup of hot coco! Well sometimes... lol

You are mine

2011-07-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

My friend is a model and she had this photo of herself on her page. Well it had me thinking right away and so I wrote this for her....

Common Grounds

2011-07-17T15:46:00.000-07:00

I wrote this after running seven miles yesterday in my second city. I have 68 more to go! The tour is called 70 x 7. I decided that I wanted to be different, I didn't want to lay down and simply just survive from a stroke. I want to conquer with dignity and hope shouting from every nook and cranny of my being! So here I am believing that there is something more than just a dream, reality is just a touch away. God gives strength to His children and so I will trust in Him.

From the mundane to the spectacular

2011-07-15T10:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we focus so hard on wishful thinking that we miss the simple, the mundane steps that truly conquer the impossible! We talk about things that we hope for but just leave it at that, a note or a drawing shoved into a small drawer in our minds. Every once and awhile we pull it out and admire it or even worse we scribble it out and do the same thing over again. Somehow, in some way or another we just leave where it is, maybe we even put it on the floor right in front of the door; a doormat! We come in and wipe our feet on it, we see it as a thought and no less, no more.
Well that isn't me, I grew up having been bullied as a child and I never forgot the anguish and frustration it left me with. I did nothing but take the harsh words and belittling comments which eventually cut my self esteem to almost nothing. When I grew up I faced those giants, my struggles with self worth and a host of other issues! I couldn't believe my eyes when I began to grow, learn who I really was and what I could achieve. God really changed my mind and my heart. So what I learned was now ingrained, etched into my life! When I see something that seems almost impossible I face it head on, I want to conquer it, not because I think I am the end all be all but because I know that fear should never be left alone. Fear has a way of growing and growing until whatever challenges or dreams that you once had seem impossible!
So take today as your opportunity to reach out and live beyond your fear, love beyond your hate, laugh beyond your worries. You can do it, just take baby steps, that is all that is required for a world of change.

:)

God Bless...

signed Stroke Survivor, now Conqueror!

Imagine, dream, reach and believe!

2011-07-10T13:32:00.000-07:00

You imagined, you dreamed, you reached and you believed! I found this wonderful card buried under a pile of toys and old clothes. I knelt down at the corner of my closet and thought "sheesh it is time to do some cleaning out" As I was plugging along I saw those beautiful words, right in front of my face and yet for over a year it never really meant that much until now. My mother had written those beautiful thoughts down and wanted to encourage me as I trained. She knew how important my running was and as an amazing mother that she has always been, she took the time to encourage me. You see the front of the card said the same thing but it held no weight, had no value but when I saw that my mother wrote it down I paid attention. Why? Well that could take years to explain but to sum it all in this word will have to do, respect! Respect carries a lot of weight behind it, it is because what is said has worth. You know that from the deepest part of your heart that that person means what they say and there is no going around it. So when I read "You imagined, you dreamed, you reached and you believed" I know there was a lot of heartfelt love.
I see those words through different eyes now, I see them with different emotions. I see them with a cry of "Keep going!" I am not who I used to be and I will never mourn over it. I am who I am for a reason and it is time to run another city... Time to chase after dreams worth pursuing! God bless...

There is something to be said about hope, it literally drags you through a wasteland of impossibilities and pushes you to the mountain top of victory! By EvK

Until it's Gone

2011-07-01T13:27:00.000-07:00

I don't know really why but as I was washing the dishes this afternoon I became reflective in a small sort of way, you know how it is when you do something mundane and your mind travels to another location or possibly to another memory from days gone by. As you work through a field of memories digging out the rocks and planting new dreams and new hopes you come to this amazing discovery. When life hands you a major storm and all your crops and all your flowers are ruined you realize that you don't know how good things are until they are gone. The field that you once grumbled over and the garden that had its continuous weeds that gave you unending angst are simply a pain of the past. Now you wish for the flowers, the crops that yielded you some joy and satisfaction. You wondered why such trivial issues really caused you frustration, why you didn't smell the roses or simply laugh and enjoy each day for what it was worth.
That was my reflection in a small sort of way, I was always a thankful person for the most part but when I was younger I was often discontent and sad. It wasn't the greatest time of my life, in fact I believe it was a dark dark time for me. Here I am post stroke and I am fully aware that I survived a devastating storm and yes it ruined most of my crops and beautiful gardens, my memories, my history in some strange sort of way but I am a new person now; I am a survivor and even more so a conqueror! I had to till the entire field of my dreams and hopes and for that I have become much stronger and wiser. I personally will probably never say "Thank you" to my stroke for making me this way, only because I'm not giving it the satisfaction. I'm stubborn that way! I am who I am because God gave me the strength to survive with a joyful heart. I didn't know until this very day that I had overcome so much, that I had ran the distance and made my mark! I have a new field of dreams and I will carry on and maybe just maybe another storm will come but I know where my hope lies. I have my plow ready and I am anxiously waiting for what will grow. So be strong and courageous, know that what you have is an opportunity to become something more than just shattered. You have a remarkable chance to find out how deep your strength really is, how precious your courage really is and really so much more!

Learning To Ride..

2011-06-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

Have you ever hummed words to a song, something that just tingles your mind and brings about some sweet memory from days gone by? I love that part of my life in fact I must have loved it so much that during my initial recovery I would just blurt out the craziest stuff. You see my brain had the wackiest idea that if you think it, then just say it! I mean I would be at the store picking up whatever foods and suddenly a song would enter my brain and then BAM I was doing it karaoke style. I would sometimes shout "Take a chance on me" by abba or " We are the champions" by Queen. Well that wasn't the least of my problems, when a beautiful woman would walk by I would say "wow, she is beautiful" I mean I felt so embarrassed. In fact this often would happen in front of my wife. The tears, the humiliation and so much more, I couldn't believe my mind! If it entered my head I would go and do it! So what could I do with such a dilemma?! How would I handle such a situation? On almost any given day I wanted to cringe and hide in a dark corner. I really thought that I was reliving my teen years all over again. By the way they were NOT pleasant to say the least, I was uber nerdy, awkward and well anything that could have gone wrong...just did!

Of course I am telling you this story from the other side of a frown! I am smiling as I am typing this message because my wife taught me to just laugh with it. At first my wife and I both felt awkward and I felt humiliated but then it just came down to learning to be happy no matter what. I had to learn how to hum again, learn how to sing a song in my head and try to hold back thoughts and actions that were just not appropriate. I remember when my daughter was learning how to ride a bike, she needed help with removing the training wheels and then having me run behind her. She would often fall and scream in frustration or cry with pain. I told her that she just needs to shake it off and keep trying until she beat this challenge. You know what, she did and not only that she could ride her bike with no hands (for a brief moment) So the outcome is worth the pain sometimes. Here I am learning to ride a bike again, learning how to do all the simple things in life but why should that get me down?! Why should I let it break me?! This is my time to learn how to shake things off and become stronger, become wiser and full of joy and laughter when I have conquered this moment! Someday soon I am going to lift my hands and ride with a complete sense of freedom. Oh what a day that will be but until then I am going to keep on keeping on!

Suicide isn't the answer

2011-06-25T10:31:00.000-07:00

Remember life is never too busy to comfort the hurting or the suffering. If your hour is busy than make your minutes count and if your minutes are scattered and few than make your seconds cry out! Where there is a will there is a way. Jesus taught us that time was precious and that loving others wherever he went was simply profound. The investment that He gave was stunning and the affects were even greater, in fact it changed the course of history.

Well the history that I wish to leave behind is this, I made the time to the best of what I could do. Just imagine if everyone kept saying "sorry, too busy" that would be upsetting for most of us, wouldn't it? We want to be heard and maybe even comforted! When we were children there was always that moment when we stubbed our toes or bumped our knees, something that required some comfort. You see comfort is an art form and some just don't have it because they lose perspective or they miss the general idea that love is worth investing in. Mother Teresa made her whole life about comforting others, I find that an admirable trait. Life is short and I am even shorter! I want my legacy to be simply this, I made the time when seconds counted the most...

You never know what you might do, the change that you might make. The simple little smile and a hug that prevented a life from ending or maybe you laughed with someone who was desperately needing some cheer. I recently came to the end of my rope and literally was begging for comfort and it fell short. All I heard was silence... Now I am not suicidal by nature or anything of that matter but since my stroke my brain goes through spirals. It simply is because of this black spot on my brain that has forever changed the way I function as a human being. I can sit back and pretend that I am super stroke guy 24/7 but that isn't going to happen. My point is this, my wife had to literally prevent me from ending my life recently and all because of the damage, the little black spot. Remember that everyone is precious to God and that time is worth giving, you will be surprised at the blessings that might come your way or even the thank yous that you receive in the future! Take the time in your busy schedule and learn to love others the way that you would wish to be loved. You can only become a greater person for it, a more compassionate heart. Now that is the gift that keeps on giving.

“Compassion is sometimes the fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too.”

Frederick Buechner

When She Cries

2011-06-25T02:04:00.000-07:00

Life as a parent can be for the most part rewarding, I mean really exciting but every now and then it is a storm of crazy moments crunched together with chaotic meltdowns. How can something so beautiful become so messy and ugly so quickly?! I was working in the kitchen making the most amazing meals for the kids when suddenly SCREAMING came from the next room over. I put my spatula down and ran to the other room, my heart was pumping and my thoughts were racing. I thought for a brief second that one of my children had injured themselves but instead it was a sibling rivalry. I must warn you everything from this point onward is heart wrenching, maybe the warning is more for myself than for you as the reader. My son was crying frantically and shouted out loud "Desiree you were choking me on purpose, I am not a toy!" and as soon as that statement left his mouth my daughter came running over to me and responded with "well, I didn't mean to do it, he always freaks out!" then from that point onward it was a crying and yelling match between the both of them. For many parents this is the ideal moment when you wish you were at some beautiful resort in a far off land sipping an amazing drink and just laughing. Well that isn't reality and even if that were possible, to fly away to some exotic dream vacation; well it doesn't change the fact that parenting never ends and loving your children is a bitter sweet reward. Some things you need to face in order to make a difference, whether you like it or not.
With all that being said I have to tell you something about myself, since my stroke happened I have a brutal time dealing with stress. In fact it is down right nasty! Words suddenly begin to melt away and thoughts fall to pieces quickly. It isn't a simple solution like "hey, think happy thoughts" or something wonderful and fluffy like that. My brain just simply starts to break down almost like all the connections start to crackle and messages get mixed up!
My son and daughter have seen the fallout of my stroke symptoms all too often and sadly they are affected by the illness all the same. I quickly went into the other room and shut the door as they cried. I sat on the couch and covered my ears and cried. My mind was fighting the stroke, the symptoms, the stress, everything! As I tried to gather all the pieces of my scattered thoughts I could hear my daughter crying these very words "daddy daddy, I am so sorry, it is all my fault, I am just no good". With all the strength that I could muster I stood up and opened the door. I could see the tears streaming down my children's faces. My daughters eyes were clouded and red as I approached her. I knelt on the floor and looked her right in the eyes and said " Sweetheart don't ever say you are no good or that you are a bad girl or useless!" I then went on to say " Daddy has an owie in his brain and it doesn't have anything to do with you, I love you and your brother just the same, its just the stroke has left me broken". As tears began to fall from my cheek I looked at both of them and smiled the best that I could and said " You are both my sweetest gift, don't ever forget that you are precious beyond words, my stroke cannot take that away" I stood up and asked them to politely hug each other and sit with me silently and watch a show together.
Sometimes storms happen, they just do what they do. I cannot change what has happened to me or wish away all the pain that my family has felt because of my stroke but what I can do is show them how to live with courage, grace under fire! Love is by far one of the most amazing gifts that anyone could ever have, it remains a mystery to hold and definitely a challenge to give away!

" May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you."

Psalm 33:22

Reach

2011-06-23T10:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, here I am lying on the couch listening to a beautiful song. I don't usually blog about music because well that isn't my thing but I believe this is worthy of some mention. I saw Peter Furlers picture on facebook and saw his comment about his new album. You could literally hear the excitement and the joy that leaped from the screen. He didn't sound arrogant, he just sounded passionate and thrilled. So I thought I would click on the link and read the article first then watch the video REACH. Well that plan didn't necessarily occur in that order! I accidentally started the video while reading the article and next thing you know I am humming along. I began daydreaming and that is something that I love to do, it gets my creative juices flowing. I think what makes the song so attractive beyond its poppy sound is the raw words of truth. They have meaning and perspective!

I think for most of us it is important to reevaluate, to be reflective in order to muster up the strength to go beyond our own borders, our limitations. I mean we all have them, they sit there in the back of our minds waiting to express themselves. I listen to music in order to face those fears, its more like having a cheering section. I listen to music in order to be inspired, to make something profound out of my life so I surround myself with music that creates that environment. Music is the evidence that words need wings! So take a listen and be encouraged, be inspired because you are loved with a heart of passion. God Bless!

Remember if you want to find HOPE you don't have to look that far!

Remember to scroll down your screen
and pause the website music
before you play the video

One Night

2011-06-20T00:06:00.000-07:00

One night I was recovering
from a seizure

and the world just felt like it was
crashing down on me hard

My daughter noticed my pain
and her being of only four years old said this

Sometimes God heals us right away
and other times he hugs us until we get better

To me that was a miracle in my heart

I was so moved by my daughters love

and also Gods amazing faithfulness

I would never trade it for anything.

Remember you are just a hug away

By EvK

The Bird Who Knew Too Little

2011-06-16T20:33:00.000-07:00

Early in the afternoon the sunshine peeked out through the beautiful clouds, whispering of warmth and dancing across my face with such delight. It almost felt as though the sun had been waiting in utter excitement, wanting to greet me with a kiss! As I spoke with friends at a school playground my son was ever so precious, he admired every little thing; touching and exploring all that the world had gently laid between the rocks and pebbles. The ants that crawled mysteriously between pieces of wood and worms that embraced the wet leaves from the morning dew. If there was something hidden my son was there to discover! The fresh mind of a child is always prodding the unknown, questioning the things left to the heart of imagination. With an innocent smile he looks at me and tilts his head ever so slightly and then turns around and runs with a burst of laughter.

I enjoy every moment, well almost every moment of his curiosity. As I turned away to look at something else other than my child's endless energy I hear a call for help. Now it wasn't an urgent cry it was just a teacher asking for some assistance. My friends and I stood up and quickly arrived at the classroom door. The teacher quickly said "We have a problem, there is a bird flying around and smashing into the windows!" I quickly grabbed a towel and covered the bird. It was only after its last attempted at freedom that I was able to capture the poor thing. As I gently felt the towel I knew exactly where the bird was, it seemed almost too tired to give any sort of struggle. With a huge smile on my face I felt like the greatest dad in the whole wide world! The kids were beaming from ear to ear and as I walked outside I opened the towel. What a weird feeling, watching the bird suddenly gain composer and then just jump up and fly away. The kids were making noises of astonishment as they saw the bird begin to soar!

The birds desperate attempts at finding freedom caused more harm than good. Sometimes we think we know what is the best solution for our problems and maybe we fly aimlessly into things that are beyond our understanding. We harm ourselves and cause grief for those who watch us from a distance, maybe it is time to let someone who knows how to save your life make a difference. Maybe it is time to let God bring you to freedoms door... You are precious and dearly loved, an amazing gift for the world to see, you were meant to fly!!

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,

that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have eternal life.

Hell and High Water

2011-06-14T13:13:00.000-07:00

I spoke with some friends recently and a word or a series of words hit me like a ton of bricks! We were discussing thankfulness. As the conversation finished I went on my way, finishing the run that I had once started. Oh I guess I didn't mention that part previously but oh well, anyways I continued on my way, jogging ever faithfully when I thought of those very words. Thankfulness, without it we really can't face adversity, it really is the reserve tank for overcoming long bouts of pain or trials. I can tell you of numerous times where I fought long and hard, trying to walk again and learning to deal with my emotional ups and downs all because of a small stroke that literally changed the entire course of my life. I often had severe pain that I can't even describe with words but I closed my eyes as the tears ran down my face and I said "I am still alive, I can do this!" The fact that I had that very option, the choice to climb an almost impossible mountain was enough to say that I was thankful. Thankful that I had the option to fight! Thankful that I had the possibility to ignore my circumstances and try to live beyond my struggles. That very thankfulness is what kept me going, it helped me to see the bigger picture. Someday I was going to look back and think "I did it!"

So now I am here cherishing the little and the big things in my life. It may be a hard road to travel but that doesn't mean that there isn't roses along the way or for that matter beautiful birds and butterflies to appreciate. It may be hell and high water but I am going to survive!

Still Waters

2011-06-12T08:39:00.000-07:00

Today is just one of those days! I am sure I would have loved it any other way but this. Things just didn't click. I had my hands around my ears and I just began to cry, now I could pretend that I was brave but really I coward. I completely crumbled under the weight of confusion! I felt like crawling into a corner and hiding among the shadows. Words were slowly disappearing before my eyes, thoughts began to melt into a snow globe of confusion. Another episode of my illness, like a sailor being tossed in a boat on the high seas. I could merely watch as the great winds and ocean waves fought with one another. My lips were moving but silence held it tight! I just laid there, on the couch hoping my mind would regain composer and once again I could stand.

As the day turned into night my mind had settled and the calm waters had prevailed. Life was getting back to the general norm of who I was again. I began to laugh, love and live! Sooner or later the waves have to settle and the storm has to leave. It may go on for days, even weeks; time has to move on and so do we! So my little story of angst or burden as we should say, is something that can only be overcome with patients and persistence. I am a survivor and so I am going to live as one!! Take a moment in your day and be thankful for who you are and who you are trying to be (an overcomer) Maybe others might not see your struggles as you see them but don't worry, what should really be of concern is that you are taking one step at a time. Going forward every moment in life! God is much bigger than your problems!

Hang in there and live beyond your limitations..

Am I a bush or a tree?

2011-06-09T11:45:00.000-07:00

   Hope doesn't come in a little magic bottle, it showers the faint in heart through grace, through the God of unmatched beauty and mercy. With unimaginable love He caresses the soul of fear, He victoriously claims us as His only wonder above all wonders. Without contempt He pours out His unwavering kindness towards us and challenges us to press forward when all else lays in silence.

   Maybe today you feel weak or faint of heart and you are in need of strength. Maybe your tears are looking for a place to rest, a moments grace. Well I hope today is your day, your time to shine. Life can hand us barriers, mountains of challenge and sometimes we think that maybe just maybe we cannot triumph our personal struggles. When I face my daily struggles with stroke symptoms it can truly be overwhelming, the fact that one day I can speak, smile, laugh and walk; then suddenly I am on the floor begging for one ounce of strength just to stand. That moment is covered in the absolute effort within my soul to just keep my head above the endless tide of helpless dreams, nightmares. I am not a victim of my circumstances, I am a victor! I may look like a weight of a thousand sorrows, pressed against the depths of my joy but I will not surrender. I will stand my ground and rise above! I don't say all these things to just be positive, or to try to convince myself of something that may or may not happen. I truly believe God is my strength, my hope in present trials.

   I could reach for words of eloquence and paint a picture of a man of great strength, bravery and much more but really, I am someone who bleeds with fear in my moments of weakness. Therefor I am someone who needs hope, needs inspiration! I will overcome this tide, this battle. What is even more paramount is my understanding that trials eventually get tired, the sunshine will rise and I will see the dawn of grace. I will be on my hands and knees crying out in sweet victory!

I will triumph....

I will run the race of hope...

I will climb this mountain..

I will.

To Thine Own Self Be True

2011-06-03T12:48:00.000-07:00

I used to be worried about how many people liked or disliked my page (way of the dove) until I realized something simple. I live in my skin and need to be true to myself, so if I post material on my faith or on health or on poetry (quotes etc.) don't be surprised. This is the very essence of who I am and the strength of my running and my recovery as a stroke survivor. Be encouraged and remember, always be yourself because no one else will live your dreams for you!!

Just a few days ago I sat in my room overcome by my stroke. I was discouraged by my financial circumstances and the fact that my family hasn't gone on a real vacation for years. We all come to some point in our lives where the walls feel like their closing in on us, we feel trapped and maybe a little heart broken but I wish to believe! I want to live outside this box that perpetually tries to reel me in and break my soul. I mean, for goodness sake I am a survivor and I have dreams that are worth fighting for, we all do. The most important time in our lives is this "will I choose freedom?!" We all strive for it, die for it, long for it and so why not capture it?! I am at the precipice of fear and I want to overcome, maybe more than just overcome. I want to inspire others to do the same!

Soon I wish to run 7 miles in 70 cities and with the right sponsors and with Gods help this dream will come true. I started with nothing, well less than nothing and look where I am today. So anything is truly possible, it just takes a few precious people to jump on board and have a little faith.

The Light of Hope

2011-05-29T01:01:00.000-07:00

I just heard a song that brought back some beautiful memories but before those memories there was much pain and sorrow. A long time ago when I was a teenager I went through a very painful process of failure and loneliness. There just wasn't any way around it, due to circumstances and the uphill battle that faced me. As I contemplated suicide there was a song that gave me solace, a moment of peace, a breath of fresh air. I would listen to the song more than was even possible, I was sure I was wearing the song out! Amazingly enough the song was literally the wind beneath my wings, it kept me afloat. I cannot tell you how precious the song was or what it did for me as a human being but it shaped the course of history, well my history that is!

As time had passed the pain had subsided and I went on a journey with my girlfriend to YWAM (missionary trip) Surprisingly enough who did I meet? I met the parents of the singer who wrote and performed the song that had literally saved my life! I told my story to them and in turn they mentioned it to their son. The world is smaller than we think and how we inspire others is much bigger than we can imagine. Here I am going through another moment in my life, trying to survive a stroke that literally has decimated my dreams and hopes. Now don't be discouraged by my circumstances, there is a way for inspiration to grow. I am not afraid as I once was, of life, of the unknown. I am now running to make change in peoples lives and bring hope and inspiration to others and to myself, challenging the borders of what I can or cannot do.
The most important thing is this, I am free!! I am not alone and I will run in victory!! Don't loose heart, you are worth the fight. Take one step at a time and breath.

Dream a little dream

2011-05-11T02:55:00.000-07:00

Now for most of us there is that still small voice that questions whether we can go beyond what we think is possible or at least what limits we have dictated to ourselves. Now there is something odd about running, something tangible. You set your distance and you simply try to make it to the finish, you either make it or not. That in itself is undoubtedly truthful, there are no lies to figure out or deceptive ambitions or what have you. It is just you and the road! I love running because it tells me like it is, nothing more or nothing less. Amazingly, that truly inspires me, maybe its inspirational because I have something that challenges my mind, body and soul. Yes, I definitely said soul, the reason is simple, it affords me the time to contemplate and learn to evaluate what is of true worth in life.
Just recently I ran 31kms with a new found friend and some old ones too. What really blew me away was that we all had a common goal, we wanted to run the distance that we had set for ourselves. I felt honoured by those who ran with me, who wanted to believe in what I was doing. I wish I could dig deeper into the pool of contemplation but maybe the mystery of it all should be left in silence. I just know that there was something new I learned about myself and those who went with me. There was camaraderie and a sense of purpose, we all wanted to make a difference and we knew that we would! I loved every minute of it because I knew before hand that it was something worth cherishing. It was precious and so I held it tight to my heart.
We often go through life so quickly and demand that it serve us with utter respect but when the tables turn we can truly realize that we ought to be the ones who pay respect. For me laughter is one simple way to live in the moment, to love the moment, to embrace the minutes that pass ever so gently through our hands. God requires us to admonish his gift of life not to abuse it, so I want to embrace it without hesitation. I want to climb every mountain of fear and shout from every hilltop! I don't want to live in a tiny box of "What ifs". I want to soar above my dreams and kiss reality. Reach for the stars and embrace heavens warmth! When I came to the last few kms in my run, I felt my heart pounding and my flesh became weak but never was there a greater moment when my soul cried out for victory! When I felt the hand of Gods grace carrying me, not because I deserved it but simply because He loves me. I hope you will be encouraged by this letter and maybe you will find some strength in challenging your fears. Like I always say "Give it your best and when that is gone, give it your all!"

God Bless....my fellow runners and those yet to join!

Map for Way Of The Dove Run

2011-05-06T02:25:00.000-07:00

WAY OF THE DOVE RUN

Find more Runs in Langley, Canada

There are so many feelings and thoughts, maybe even fears that permeate this event. First of all it is my heart and soul that sits in the middle of this run. I just never imagined that when I had the stroke, this is what would come of it. Looking forward at the great unknown and standing at the edge of my fears and hoping that God would divide the waters of impossibilities. I mean He did it for the israelites, then He sure can do it for me. There is always the unexpected or the unknown when we step out of the box of comfort. Well in my case there was no comfort, in the box or out, so why not just go for it?! Why not lead a life worth living?! I mean, thousands of people everyday just go through the motions, not really knowing who or what they really are. What they are made of! I am at the edge of something beautiful, maybe not, the one thing I know is that I am here in this moment. Willing to climb beyond what I can take. I want to live a life worthy of victory. I am willing to bleed that hope, that monumental moment of change!

We all want to live beyond the borders of complacency in some way or another. It is when we step out that we really find out who we are. In just a few days I am going to step out of a dream and right into reality!! I am scarred and I am excited. I can almost taste the finish line!! Now that almost all the planning has occurred it is simply time to put the feet to the pavement of success. By Gods amazing grace I hope that this will happen, I know it will because I have people who believe in me, who are praying for me and I have people who are running with me. One of the most amazing gifts are friendship. Running a literal race with people who are willing to sacrifice their time and their bodies to the cause is simply beautiful.
I will soon be standing among champions, people who wish to live beyond words! I will be standing among the fields of wonder and clouds of dreams! This is the moment I have been waiting for. Bringing hope and love! This stroke hasn't seen nothing yet!!

Take it or leave it

2011-04-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

Now in life there are ups and there are downs, it's a given. Just like the sunshine and the clouds, we expect them because it is a part of nature. Well in life it goes the same way, it's not all lollipops and laughter. Imagine one day you woke up to a splitting headache or a terrible flu. It is usually in those moments that you realize how appreciative you really are. The fact that on healthier days you can laugh as loud as you wish or that you can walk to the bathroom knowing that, well you get the idea; its a normal routine with an expected outcome. You pretty much do everything without difficulty until that storm hits. Like a boat on the ocean, the waters become unpleasant and now you are fighting with everything. When I arrived at home from the hospital there were so many memories of things that once was as easy as smiling or laughing. They were natural causes of a life filled with less difficulty than the one that I was facing now.
Here I am looking at the hallway and thinking " Man, I used to walk down this thing like it was going out of style!" Well maybe on a good day that is what still happens but every now and then my brain goes into another world and I have to fight tooth and nail. Hey, we all go through something that makes us realize that suddenly we need to be more thankful for what we really have.
I was just thinking of all the people who go through harder times than I and I wonder. I wonder how their minds deal with the tragedy of loosing a dear loved one, or maybe finding out that they might have cancer?! There are many probabilities that could occur but the greater question is simply this. What am I thankful for?
What do I have? Who am I really? Those are all powerful questions and rightfully so, they are the foundation for failure or victory! Maybe you face a wall of broken dreams or a mountain of heartbreak, maybe you are wondering am I living a life worthy of praise? What I mean is this, is your life a story of victory and triumph or is it covered in regret and failure? In my opinion, there is enough for anyone to falter over if they look for it but to imagine being more than who you are, living beyond your fears, now that takes talent! Why live in a small room with no windows?! I want to run in the open fields of grace and mercy! I want to be a champion!
So here I am, standing at the door of a new dream, waiting for my big run. I have worked through the pain, the tears, the seizures and all the garbage that has come with running long distances for a stroke survivor, I am here to live my dream, to be an inspiration to all those people who feel that they have lost their own! I want to prove that impossible is just a word and nothing more! I used to take hope for granted and laughter as just a moment but they no longer mean just that. They are the lifeline to success!

Jeremiah 17:7
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.

Shifting Sands

2011-04-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

   With both my hands I reached into the sands of time, looking for those faded memories that once burned bright in the morning sun. They danced, they played among the fields of wonder. Well that was where I once was. I could imagine the soft touch of my babies hands, the laughter, the giggles and so much more. I paraded my emotions, my love for my family with such elated joy. It was a simple time that only required little effort, that was a time of sand castles and beautiful oceans filled with hope.
   Somehow from those luscious fields of beautiful colours that once embraced my eyes with mystery now sit barren. The seasons can change within the blink of an eye. The sand castles have tumbled and the wind has changed. When we face insurmountable odds, we are left to a world unknown, possibly burdened by fear and confusion. It is in those very moments that we need to see the bigger picture, the landscape from afar! I can either be crushed by the waves of injustice or I can create something beautiful out of something less than perfect. The world will hand you only what it has but what you do with it can literally cause others to marvel! When you build a sand castle you get water,sand, a bucket and a shovel. There is nothing more to be required of you except your ability to imagine! Now that is the most important part, because you see without your imagination nothing can be created, at least nothing beautiful.
   I am on this earth for but a short time but let me tell you something, I am going to use what I have and I am going to make something beautiful. I am going to live a life worthy of laughter, worthy of joy and no amount of pain or sorrow is going to take that beautiful gift away....

Fearless Wonder

2011-04-20T12:59:00.000-07:00

Now before I go and see if another pile of possible supporters say yes or no, I must tell you something that I have noticed. I have invested so much of my time in running and training that I realize that there is too much to just let go. I have overcome so much not to let things just fade away for no purpose. What I mean is this, when you put your heart,sweat and tears into something you become committed. You run the race until the very end, you don't stop and you definitely don't take "I QUIT" for an answer.

You pull every ounce out of your soul, that special place that drives you to believe beyond words. In the process somehow in some small way, the journey that had you bound for failure has taken a monumental shift! You are now opening your eyes and when fear looks you right in the face you just smile, you begin to nod with hope and reject the possibility of ever succuming to failures silence. Your voice becomes stronger and your actions lead by example! Then in that very moment inspiration births a hero, a hero that longs and lives for victory! Now I attribute that wonderful birth to a God of grace and wonder. I hope that you will take that very simple step and begin to believe. You may think that it is just a small insignificant task that will lead to minimal results but just imagine for a moment you decided it was otherwise!

If you took a moment and captured a dream worth chasing and just like a ball that rolls down a hill, watched that momentum gain fervency. You would really be surprised! I am... Will you,will you begin to believe and take a journey worth fighting for?! I am going to live my life with reckless abandonement, bleed my passion into a world filled with colourless words. I want to live a rainbow of wonder and learn to fly!

Am I what I think of me?

2011-04-12T10:38:00.000-07:00

From the ground of grass

to the dirt I see

am I more than hollow words

or shallow seas

loose but one single smile

falter under weakened knees

the pain will bleed

the roots shall whither

mighty the wind

fallen

fallen leaves

crush my hands

pierce my head

in my wound September bleeds

but for loss I will not gain

not a single brush

to err the painters name

I will grow like the trees the same

to live beyond the seasons glow

for life shall I live

under Gods holy name

By EvK

Sometimes in life things are not what they appear to be, you need to look a little further or wait a little longer. When we first see a tree in its barren state we don't know the beauty that it holds until it blooms. I mean I could imagine it with all my heart and mind but it doesn't do justice. Not until I get out there and feel it, touch it, smell it; listen to the wind blowing through the leaves as the birds sing melodies of life. You see, life can be more than just a drop of water. It can be a fountain of laughter, love and music. Gods greatest melodies sing gently, whispering love in every colour and in every sound.

Coast is clear

2011-03-31T10:06:00.000-07:00

     I want to tell a personal story, one that has a lot of pain which I am sure you all have experienced in some degree. I know that life has its twists and turns, sometimes friendships go from sweet to sour and the roads that we travel can go from smooth and level to rocky and painful. The cold feeling of possible loneliness can challenge the best of hearts, leaving us with the all to often question of "Why?"

   That question can sometimes plague the strongest of hearts, even suck the very joy out of life. We feel that for some reason that everything must be perfect at all times or at the very least the suffering that we endure must be for someone else not for us. When I was growing up my mother taught me a profound lesson, one that I wish to share with you. I had the most jovial uncle around, he loved to laugh and play. Every time he came to my house he would catch me as I leaped off of the stairs. With open arms he would snatch me up and chuckle, then with the most loving kindness he would hug me and tell me that I was special to Him. One day he showed up at my house weeks later and I ran half way down the stairs, the excitement was amazing. I leaped into the air and he barely could hold me, with tears in his face he kissed my cheek and gently let me down. I looked deep into his eyes and I could see that his heart was breaking. My mother leaned over and whispered in my ear and said "Your uncle is sick and he can no longer catch you" that was the very moment as a child that I discovered suffering. Within two years my uncle deteriorated to almost nothing, the Parkinson's disease took away his strength and inevitably took away his life.

   Now you are probably wondering what good could possibly come out of that, well I will tell you. After I realized he couldn't catch me my mother said "you can love him, just love him differently". Such simple words but they had so many tears attached to it. The wisdom that my mother gave me was filled with peace and with kindness, she wanted my uncle to feel my love and most undoubtedly know unconditional kindness. I made sure that every time he arrived that I was waiting, gently anticipating a smile from him. I would walk over to his side and hug his leg and tell him that everything was going to be alright. I helped him up the stairs and sat beside him. As the night progressed I would hear him laugh occasionally. I was amazed at the heart behind the subtle laughter, the tears streamed from his face as he continued to make jokes off and on through the night. He was a real hero, he was my hero! Though he passed away quickly, he left an indelible mark of poise and joy. God was the centre of his pain, his frustrations and undoubtedly his faith. There simply was no perfect answer to why he suffered but there was a perfect lesson to be learned. Never ever give up!!

   I am going to keep running until I make a difference, because I believe in never ever giving up. I believe in being the hope and living the change. Do you?!

Isaiah 40:31
But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

When life hands you lemons..

2011-03-24T12:09:00.000-07:00

   Last night around supper time I felt a sudden urge to go run, it was like a bad itch! I needed to get out there and train. I needed to just run and let my thoughts melt into the pavement as I felt the wind pass through my hair. As I ran I thought of all the difficulties that I had overcome and all the challenges that laid ahead of me. I had 20 km's of time to digest it all. After running some of the hardest terrain I came across an area where the air suddenly felt fresh, the air smelled wonderful. Everything seemed so beautiful, I looked to my left and the sun was setting in the sky and all I could do was just stop and watch for a few moments. I closed my eyes and took everything in, every little bit of freedom that I was gaining and every little bit of joy that I was learning to live! There was a new found sense of life in that pause, that moment of appreciation and reflection. I was alive!!
   Maybe I was being a little dramatic but I was running and my dreams of a big run to bring awareness and hope were becoming reality! I wonder how many people are living someone else's dream, working 9 to 5. Living a carbon copy of a life they really do not wish, somehow they are stuck in a maze of common complacency. Our fears can often dictate how, who and what we are. Well that is something that I am striving not to be, I want to live outside the box. I want to see the stars and kiss them with reality! I want to live and breathe a life of change and victory. Surprisingly it begins with a simple thought of "I think I can"
   Make the choice to live outside your box and begin to dream, learn to live a life of victory!

When life hands you lemons, make apple juice! That will get everyone thinking.... by EvK

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through christ who strengthens me!

I will....

2011-03-18T11:09:00.000-07:00

There I am, heart is pounding and my blood is pumping. I am standing on one of the most beautiful cliffs in Hawaii and the sun is shinning off of my face. It was completely wonderful, as I slowly looked over the edge I thought " Don't be afraid, your friend just jumped and so you can do it to!" As I leaped out into the ocean of blue I could feel the wind blowing through my toes and my hair was dancing among the clouds. The water quickly greeted me with arms wide open. Swoosh, suddenly my entire body felt the warm embrace as I rushed back to the surface, the clear blue ocean danced with tiny rippling tides of laughter. As I surfaced, I could see my friend slightly to the left of me, both of us were laughing and enjoying the moment. We began our return to the shoreline when I felt a gentle tug.....

I began to panic ever so slightly, my mind began to race. As I continued on my return, the gentle tug turned like a sudden storm. Now it felt like I was being pulled by something bigger than a slight fear, it was an undertow! What first began as a few feet of separation from my friend and a gentle word or two, quickly turned into 30 feet of distance met with a complete understanding that I was in serious danger. The tide had turned and for some reason I was caught in an undertow of unrelenting persistence, no mercy! The water began to rise 5 to 10 feet and I was being pulled into a small horseshoe shaped rock face. I knew that if I didn't somehow swim away, I could very well die! As the water turned violent I was being sucked under by the tide, there was not escape; I was in serious danger. For a period of time that seemed like an eternity of fear I began to realize the grave circumstance that entangled me. As my body was pulled under, all I could see was the distorted imagery of my girlfriend looking from the cliffs high above. She gently waved at me and smiled.

My thoughts and emotions became stilted and time melted into confusion. I looked up desperately as I resurfaced for much needed air. Chest was pounding, my arms were numb and all I could think of was " I love you Chelsey, I want to have a family; this can't be the end of my life?!" After a period of time my body became to weak to carry on, I begged for God to rescue me as I sank toward the bottom of the sea. I am not sure what all transpired but for some amazing reason my body was pulled up to the surface, it felt like someone grabbed my hands and rescued me from passing out. Next thing I know I'm above water and I see someone jumping from the cliff to rescue me. His name was Jon and he saved my life! He was one of my other swimming buddies. When I finally arrived on dry ground I recognized that Jon could have easily died, we could have drowned together. His courage was amazing and if my soon to be wife had not called on Him I would have died that very day.

Sometimes our lives can take sudden turns, things that we could have never seen. We like to believe that we have so much control but eventually circumstances require our sober acknowledgement. Just a few years later my dear friend passed away in a plane crash. That very man who saved me, the selfless act of courage that filled his mind when he rescued me will never be forgotten! I learned something beautiful, something profound. Friendship is truly about sacrifice, about giving your heart without expectation. When I heard of my dear friends death it shook me, I felt guilty even. I wondered why I was alive and he was dead. The one thing that sticks in my mind to this very day was this, I told him these words "Jon thank you for saving my life, whatever I do from this point onward will be a blessing to you as well!" I wanted to make sure that the life I had was going to make a difference, some change! I was going to live a life of inspiration....

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Your Love Carried Me

2011-03-09T09:37:00.000-08:00

As I lifted my head I could see hundreds of children walking into the gym. I quickly looked down into my backpack, reaching for something to calm my nerves; I grabbed my cue cards and began to recite my speech under the slight gentle breath of anxiety. I knew I could do this, this is only a gym filled with tons of children waiting in anticipation. Watching my every move! I quickly put the cue cards down and told myself "Ernie calm down, this is only a demonstration. You are here to encourage and inspire children, you can do it!"

I tried to focus on the fact that I was actually in a gym filled with children waiting to hear me speak. Just four and a half years ago I was in a hospital bed hearing the horrible news that I just had a stroke. The moment had literally made me crumble like a pile of bricks, like a wrecking ball had just smashed my entire world into pieces of rubble. Now if I could overcome that situation than I could undoubtedly face a school gym filled with people! So as soon as I heard my name I stood up and walked slowly to the front. Kids were looking at me with the biggest smiles, eyes were beaming; the world seemed so intriguing to their minds. Once I approached the front I felt calm and began to tell them my story, in fact it was the story of many people who suffer from illness. The sudden change of plans, a world that begins to change color. Maybe for some the world becomes black and white, filled with colorless dreams. I felt like a painter with words, slowly brushing the shapes and shadows of hope.

I could have hidden away in a cave of fear or covered my head with broken aspirations but that just isn't my personality. All because I spoke out and began to run, to believe in something bigger than myself. Knowing that God has a plan and that He holds my heart. I told others about myself, I preached it! I wanted to make others aware that we need to be aware of those around us, to care for those who are suffering. Well the speech was over and children were clapping, my heart went right through the roof! My eyes were filled with tears as I began to walk away, I was really touched by the love of the children. There is nothing more beautiful than watching young hearts begin to dream or for that matter anyone! As I began to return to my seat a couple of teachers stopped me and told me " Ernie I can't believe how much you have changed since 2 years ago! It simply is amazing." I was shocked and yet at the same time my heart, my soul, my everything; I felt like I had just swallowed rocket fuel!!" I felt motivated and I guarantee you that the run on May 1st will be the first of many motivational moments.

My dream is to run in seventy cities and running 7 miles within each city. With each run I want to run a short distance with any person who is in a wheelchair! Hey, I can dream can't I?! Seriously though, I have dreams in the making and nothing is impossible when you feel inspired. Diligence will carry the passion and passion will carry the hope!

You have the opportunity to be more than just a word within a page, a letter sitting in simple anticipation. You can be the writer of wonderful stories, living the dream! By EvK

May God Bless you!

Jump Rope For Heart

2011-02-28T12:30:00.000-08:00

   Who ever thought that I as a stroke survivor would be doing a presentation to all the kids at a local school in my area. In fact who ever thought that I would be running again or living a life beyond the walls of a stroke victim. I am glad that since the very beginning of my tragic dilemma, the trauma of a stroke did not break my spirit, my desire to live my dreams or my hopes. It seems as though the more I hang on to this desire to be something more than what I am has made me stronger, maybe even a little bit wiser. Anyways with all that being said I am looking at presenting in a sense my victory story and how we can change the course of history if we only just believe and hold tight. Now I know that there are some things that just cannot change, like the fact that I am irreversibly affected by my situation but that doesn't mean I am useless or broken, I simply am unique. I am not here to look at what I have lost but what I can gain in living a life worthy of inspiration.
   This Friday I am going to step into a world of change and I am going to smile! Sometimes we need to give ourselves a pat on the back and let ourselves know that we did something good. It feeds our hope and lifts our joy to another level! When I grabbed my skipping rope and started to practice, I didn't look at all the worries or the fears of a possible stroke reoccurring. I looked at the opportunity for me to breathe and to live again! When I look at people who suffer from various illnesses I either see a person living in hope or dying in broken dreams.

   So here I am beginning to live beyond the shadows and reaching for dreams in the light of hope, how truly sweet it is!

Hope is the strength behind every object of direction, the wind behind every sail. Without it you are just dead in the water!

By EvK

Punching the clock

2011-02-25T16:26:00.000-08:00

I grab the kicking bag and with all my might I throw it over my shoulder and begin to walk outside towards the metal stand. My arms are shaking and my legs can barely carry this monstrous weight which shall soon be taking the brunt of my discourse. As I hook the heavy bag up and straighten the large metal stand I look in confusion, I look at what will become my battle for the day. Now I am not one to complain but this exercise is brutal! I decided a long time ago that I needed something that challenges every part of my mind and my body at the same time and this does it. I don't know why I do this to myself but I always look for the hardest things possible just so I can say " I did it " Growing up as a child under constant bullying somehow makes you like that I guess. You become stubborn and relentless I suppose.
I remember when I went to visit my brother in california, it really shaped the person that I am today. I can't recall the reason why my parents paid for my trip but my mom felt it was important to me and so the decision became reality. When I arrived in Los Angeles my brother and his friends took me all over the place, I saw the most amazing things but for some reason there was one thing that impacted me more than any other. We had been driving along the coast of california for sometime when I saw a tree. The tree wasn't any ordinary tree. It was a tree that seemed to have this wonderful mystery attached to its glorious presence! Thousands of photographers travel from all over the world just to take a picture of this wonder. Now what is it that makes people stop and stare, what makes people adore such a common tree? Well to me it was very simple, the tree somehow stood the test of time and survived every storm and mighty wind and yet there it was right at the edge of impossibility, standing tall and proud. It defied all odds, it lived among the cruelest of places only to become adorned with the sunset of amazement and wonder. It was as though the tree wanted to be there because it knew that the view was worth the fight. I know that trees don't have the option of where they grow or when they grow but the story is ever so profound because it speaks so softly and yet its words are tremendously loud because its actions have survived the test of time.
I want to be like this tree, I want to stand the test of time and live beyond my words! Let my actions tell a story of importance and beauty. I may be on this cliff, this edge of circumstances but that doesn't mean I can't grow into something marvelous; something beautiful! I have a sunset and a sunrise that is worth every penny and I am willing to fight for it every step of the way. Do you realize how precious you are? How unique you are? Remember you are where you are for a reason and it is just a matter of time before people see what you are really made of. So choose to enjoy the rising sun and the setting of the same. God has much bigger plans than you know.

Through The Fire

2011-02-13T20:32:00.000-08:00

   During the last few years of turbulent living I have seen so much. The character of humanity and the harsh reality that life is simply frail at best. Now this story that I am about to tell you is painful but in the end it truly is heart warming. The last few days I have awaken at a considerable earlier time than usual. Now I really haven't noticed all the things that I have missed until now. It's almost as though I have awaken from a dream, rubbed my eyes and suddenly carried on with my new life. I look at the sun rising in the sky and I see my children sleeping so silently, like little doves in a nest; safe and sound. I sat at the end of my couch and sipped a beautiful cup of tea, feeling the warmth between my fingers as the fragrance slowly seeped into my senses.
   After a period of three days the normal life began to stick. I was so happy and I was singing in the shower, laughing at the simplest of moments. I was amazed at the feeling of life without shadows!
   It was Sunday morning and there I was, smiling in the mirror. I dressed myself and grabbed my laptop, ran to the door and drove to church. I couldn't believe it, I was actually going to make it to a full service at church for the first time in almost four years. At least this time I was feeling completely clear in my mind and all the children and their families looked so precious and wonderful. There was such a deep found respect for families and all the love that I could see in the mothers and fathers that attended. I was actually there with my family!
   As the sermon ended a lady turned around and told us of the travesties that she had endured and is enduring. She had been diagnosed with cancer and her son had major head injury. She told us of how overwhelmed she felt and that she didn't know what to do with her life or for that matter her sons. She was crying out for someone to just hear what she had to say. The pain was written in her eyes and the loneliness seemed so evident. I told her that no matter what we may go through in life there is always hope. You just have to look a little harder!
   Sometimes we go through fires, the seasons change and life is not what we think it is. What can truly separate us from others is how we deal with those situations and who our trust is truly on. I comforted the lady the best I knew how and also told her that I was running. I told her of my situation and that my life was filled with pain and that I was going to fix my eyes on the prize, not the struggles that followed. For some reason there was a strong sense of understand because we both had suffered and we both knew what it was like to be overwhelmed by illness. We also knew that without faith, hope and love there is just an empty furnace filled with fear and flame, nothing more.
   We all must come to a point where we choose to drown in our circumstances or stand and learn to live like heroes, learn to be courageous. Be the hope, live the change!

In order to make a difference

one must first believe they are the difference

It is merely but a matter of choice!

By EvK

Daniel 3:14-24 (NIV) The bible story of three men who refused to conform no matter what the cost!

Friends From A Different Time

2011-02-12T09:14:00.000-08:00

   As I grabbed the weights in front of me, sweat began to drip from my forehead onto the floor. There I was giving it my all, my everything. I pursued this goal with every ounce of relentless drive! With a slight grin I looked towards the mirror that spoke of my victory, I could see the fruit of my determination by the reflection of hope. I could see myself standing and lifting weights! I placed the weights quickly on the floor and raised my right hand in a fist. I felt the hours, the minutes and the tears all rolling into one victorious shout!! I didn't care if other people were standing there, I just needed to live the moment; feel the joy of being more than just a victim.
   After I did most of my routine two young gentlemen approached me, they asked if I knew martial arts and if I could demonstrate to them. So I went into a series of quick strikes and threw them around. After all was said and done I told them of my stroke, I told them my story. For some reason it felt like I had the exclamation to my sentence or the ending to my mystery novel. All of it had a purpose, a point with some meaning. It was as though someone finally told me the reason behind my suffering. When I saw those two young mens eyes light up after I explained about my suffering and triumphs they were moved. I felt a passion in my heart swell, a desire to want others to be encouraged! I found my story.....
   Today I am standing on top of a mountain of pain, fear and ultimately sacrifice; but what makes this story so wonderful is not me but all the people that I am meeting in the process. I am no longer in the valley of indecision but on the mountain of change watching the horizon of hope. The view is beautiful and I can't wait to make a difference!!

I could climb a thousand mountains or a hundred hills but without the sunrise of hope I will see nothing more than a dark valley of indecision...

By EvK

Words Of Hope

2011-02-06T12:31:00.000-08:00

   There I was sitting in front of a screen, flat and full of colors piercing my eyes with delight. My coworker and friend was speaking with me online using skype. Now, it was the first time I ever wanted to hug and kiss a screen! This friend of mine I will call her Grace, she behaved as much; filled with love and acceptance. There were many nights I wished for a friend who could just be there to hear my thoughts and feelings and not runaway . I think there are times when we all go through some pain or disappointment and when those situations occur we just want someone who will be strong enough to listen. Someone who will be there and in so doing their actions speak silently of their affections, their devotion to friendship.
   We spoke to each other with laughter and well I spoke with frequent tears. I could sense a feeling of love and genuine encouragement. Now I could tell you more of this story but I wish to speak about words. Yes words, those amazing things that you and I use to express the very fiber of who we are; what we are.
   Grace spoke with words that gently reached from the clouds of hope and placed them in the depths of my weary heart. It was like being in front of a campfire on a cold night and as you watch the embers glow you hope for some warmth and some light. Suddenly someone comes along with a bundle of sticks and large pieces of wood and places them in the fire. The flame that once flickered is now beginning to burn bright and the warmth is all around you. That is what I felt, that is what I began to hear when Grace said these very words " I think you are on this path for a reason, you..I think you were meant to do this. This is your direction!"
   For so long I questioned whether or not I was supposed to be alive (surviving the stroke) and whether or not the Way Of The Dove run was worth pursuing. All I needed to hear was "You can do this, I know you can!" Well I now know that God has a plan and that sometimes you just need to step out of the boat and start walking! Believe and hold tight to the miracle of hope! There is some amazing power in those very things, those very thoughts that we sometimes loose in fear. Well today you can choose to tread fears with hope beating in your heart and a light of grace within sight!

Above all else remember that every moment is held by a single decision. You choose either to be above your fears or below. I choose above!

By EvK

"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.

Matthew 14:29

The Moments in Between

2011-02-02T10:55:00.000-08:00

Todays post or thought is very short and hopefully sweet.

"People don't like change unless it is in their wallet" by EvK

I said this after working in the hospital for a few years. I noticed peoples behaviours were almost all the same. When one little thing changed they were up in arms. Surprisingly enough the cheerful patients were none the less scathed. Now it seems trivial but I was impressed by this. The happy go lucky people were simply that....happy! They were the kind of people who simply didn't let things bother them, they had much more important things to do like laugh and share their excitement for life with others. Have you ever noticed when children are completely involved with their toys and everything else simply doesn't matter? They are engulfed in mystery and excitement, the world is at their fingertips. Children are amazingly filled with dreams and imagination, not lost in worries or debt or what have you. They live and breath life! They bend so easily to many circumstances because they are excited. Is your life filled with worries and doubts and fears or are you willing to live with a heart encapsulated with joy, wanting to see what leaps from around the corner? I will choose to be the duck and let my worries fall away...

Beyond Words....Honor Still Stands

2011-02-01T00:10:00.000-08:00

I had such an amazing day filled with so many surprisingly inspirational moments. For the last four weeks I have been training in the gym, trying new techniques and performing new methods of conditioning. While being completely focused on my exercises I would occasionally notice an asian gentlemen watching me train. It looked as though he was studying my posture or something. I would quickly shrug it off and then carry on with my new regime. Well today I went to the gym after performing a demonstration at a local martial arts dojo. I told the martial arts academy my story (stroke recovery) and they were excited!! So hopefully I will recruit more runners for the big day. Well back to my previous story, I walked into the gym when low and behold there was the asian man again. As I began my stretches he approached me and with a soft kind voice asked if he could speak with me (with a strong Korean accent) He told me how he taught martial arts in south korea for 20 years and how he was amazed by my fluidity, speed and power. I was completely taken back!! That is one of the most honorable things anyone could hear. He shook my hand and we both bowed.

He then approach me an hour later and asked me what my philosophy was and then I spoke to him in korean. I told him of my belief in God and that I was a christian. He then smiled and said "You move like an asian person does" we then both laughed and smiled. I taught him some english and he taught me some korean. There was a silent admiration for one another and a mutual respect. He was kind enough to tell me about his family and I told him of how my journey to recovery was hard and filled with many tears. He shook my hand once again and gave me another bow (a sign of respect) so I in turn did the same.

Now I know that this may seem a little silly or inconsequential but that meant the world to me. Not because I want a big pat on the back but because I believe in honor. Something deep down within me just smiled from ear to ear. I not only overcame my physical barriers but in the process fulfilled a dream. That dream was to be more than what I once was....

Like I said before, dreams are worth fighting for!!!

Give it your all

2011-01-30T18:07:00.000-08:00

Now in life there are moments that stand out beyond others, they seem so different because maybe they were unexpected or they were something that we could never imagine in our minds. Whatever the case may be the imprint is inspiring. The emotions are raw and beautiful! For me that came true today, it felt like a whisper gently telling me that I am on the right path. I am making someone else's life a little bit better and in doing so it is blessing my life in some amazingly strange way. Have you ever stepped outside expecting a dreary day of work and mundane living, only to be greeted by the most amazing sunrise?! You become suddenly numb by the most amazing colours of the sky and the warmth of the morning sun. Your worries begin to fade into the heavens above, that brief moment was an unexpected gift. A beautiful oasis of wonder.

Well today was one of those wonderful horizons, and the gift was such a soft reminder that beauty can surprise you at any given moment. As I approached a corner that was near to my home I recognized a father that I had spoken to previously. I waved hello and said a few words in passing and then carried on my way. As I reached for the door of my house I couldn't help but feel the need to return to that father and speak with him. So as I turned around and walked back to his house. As he began to smile and speak I could see the mask quickly melting away. He looked so worried and filled with sadness, he began to tell me of his sons pain and difficulty with walking.

Now in the past, this young teenager had watched me on numerous occasions run and slowly overcome my difficulty with stroke symptoms. He had seen me improve dramatically and felt inspired by my dedication and my fervor. I eventually became friends with his family and ran a 37 km run (dedicating the last few kms to the fathers son) Well with all that being said, that being the history of this moment. The father looked at me and told me how his son viewed me as a person who he holds in high regard. I was taken back by the thought and so I gave the father a big hug as my lips began to quiver. I am sure he didn't notice, but I was moved. The father continued his story of how he tried to encourage his son by saying "Son, Ernie has horrible days too but he keeps trying; he doesn't give up!"

That was the moment that i will remember for the rest of my life. I am running for a purpose and by Gods grace I will run to the finish line. My motto will be the same as it has since the beginning and it goes as follows

"Give it your best and when that is gone, give it your all!" by EvK

Heroes are not born they are carved out of passion and dedication for hope, truth and above all else love!

Liar Liar

2011-01-27T02:43:00.000-08:00

As I approached the restaurant my mind was filled with excitement and joy! There I was standing in front of two great big doors and I leaned forward and pulled them open. Though my hands were shaking slightly from the stroke I knew that this moment was mine, not the stroke. I was going to show my wife that she was the best woman in town and I had it all planned out, well almost....

   The moment was beautiful and her eyes were literally glistening with joy and love. My wife was more than just my roommate, my friend or what have you, she was the other half of my smile; the laughter that I once knew. She taught me how to survive at sorrows reef, there was no denying that we were meant for each other. You see love is deeper than a few letters and a post card, more than a kiss and a gentle touch. Love is something that burns in the deepest part of you when everything else feels cold. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.. Love is

   Anyways there I was sitting across from my wife completely enamored by her excitement and her smile. I felt this was the right time to give her the "Wham-OH statement" you know the "Home run" comment. I was supposed to say "You have the most beautiful eyes" or "You are the most amazing person" something, anything near those lines would have been just great!!! Instead my brain turned into "Liar Liar - Movie with Jim Carey" My mouth was open and I was sure that I said something profound but my stroke decided otherwise. I began with "You have the nicest .......pause" Just then a beautiful woman walked by and I said " A$$" From that point my ears suddenly became numb and my lips felt like I had just sucked on a cactus. I griped the table ever so slightly, though I possibly left permanent fingerprints on the finish. Never the less, my stroke came to the rescue by saying something completely stupid and random. I looked at my wife and I am sure my facial expression was similar to a dear in headlights. She gracefully looked down and then made a comment that made me laugh.

   Every once and awhile my brain thinks things and my mouth just says it! When I had my stroke I suddenly have become this character that Jim Carey portrayed in his movie. How is this possible?! What can I do?! Well from that point onward there were many awkward moments and so many of which i wish i could forget but life is just that. Sometimes there are moments that we wish we could take back but they can't be undone. My wife taught me to learn to laugh and just move on, to not let those circumstances bog me down. Lift my head and look at the rainbows, for though the storm has passed there are always moments of wonder that will come.

Broken Lines

2011-01-23T00:22:00.000-08:00

Todays fears will be conquered

hope will shine

way past every step

beyond every broken line

every shattered dream

that cries

Today I will learn to fly....

By EvK

   When I first faced the inevitable desire to overcome my stroke, expand my boundaries; I felt excited and filled with anticipation. Maybe some would step back and let things be as they were but for me I have always been a fighter. Now don't get me wrong, I have my weak moments too but starting this dream wasn't one of them. For some wild reason I felt that if I could run I could make a difference. Change my circumstance into a message of hope!
   When I approached my first few kms (miles) I felt I had faced a giant, an insurmountable physical wall and emotionally draining challenge. I couldn't run any further than 22 kms and my dream was to go way past that, I felt literally discouraged. I know that I should have been proud of my distance, shoot I should have been shouting it from the top of the mountains. I didn't feel satisfied, I felt I was short of the distance that I truly wanted to accomplish. I needed to make the full lap that I had set out to do and I was going to do it somehow. Somewhere, somehow we all come to a dead end or at least one that we feel is impossible to overcome. Instead of staring at a failed attempt I decided that I needed some inspiration, some hope that could drive my dreams. So the next day I wrote this phrase with my picture.
   Now I was looking at my situation from the outside, seeing how far I had truly gone. I was learning how to be proud of my accomplishments for the first time! I saw a man who didn't want to give up or give in. We all need dreams and most definitely we need hope. Instead of looking at a blank wall why not try to figure how to climb over it or under. For that very matter, why not reach for inspiration!! You have one life to live and why not make the most of it?! After I wrote this I finally reached my goal of 31 kms, not only did I reach that distance but I went further.
   So the deep profound lesson that I have learned is this, give it your best and when that is gone give it your all! Reach for inspiration and if you can't find any then you need to seriously look around because it is everywhere! In my case I made my own because that is just what I needed at that very moment....

Don't fear challenges, they literally shape who you could possibly be if you so choose to accept!

When fear looks you in the eyes don't turn away, just smile and press forward!!!

When Hope Whispers Victory Shouts

2011-01-16T13:50:00.000-08:00

Now I have thought of many words when my lips are silent and nothing seems to ring as loud as BELIEVE. I can't put my finger on it but maybe it is because that word encompasses so much. It dares to face giants of fear and swim oceans of sorrow, it remains strong no matter what it must do even when it is weak. You see, choosing to believe requires that you let go of things that drag you down. It is inevitable, when you commit to believing in something, anything; your heart will have to choose between loss or gain. Believing requires that silent demand of respect, that expectation to overcome.
Sometimes in life we loose direction because our conviction isn't clear, our words are far too many with so little worth. So when you look at yourself what word holds your heart, what thought drives you? What would you wish others to hear, to know?

When my world lays silent

and fears

begin to crawl

though my lips may quiver

I will stand high

I will stand tall

Believe

By EvK

Before I met You

2011-01-12T12:04:00.000-08:00

   Today I want to tell you a little story about something special, something that I believe is important in a good friendship or ships for that matter. One of the most crucial things in any real friendship is the importance of appreciation, it carries with it a real solid anchor. What I mean by all of this is this, we all need someone to trust in and to lean on when we simply cannot do it; when the storm is overwhelming.

   In the past I have had such friends and now mine have migrated to facebook status, only because most of them are at a distance. I felt that my life needed some encouragement and I was feeling a little down because of my symptoms so I wanted to personally encourage each and every person on my facebook page. I want to be the words that I wish to hear, so I started telling everyone what I think of them. I gave each person an animal picture (who I thought they would be if they were an animal) what I thought best suited who they were by character and you know what, I began to feel a little better about my situation more and more. I wasn't thinking about myself and I was loving it!! Sometimes we can become a little selfish and we forget how precious friends can really be. They are the lifeline when we begin to sink, when we fall down.

   I recognize that many of us are busy with our lives and we don't feel we have enough time but one thing that is worth its investment is friendship. When we change our outlook from "I am just too busy right now" to "I will try and take some time" it makes a world of difference and in the process you don't isolate yourself as well. We don't have to be lonely ships tossed by the sea, instead we can have friends who are the anchor for success!
   So remember that friends are worth the time and they deserve encouragement as so do you.....

I wrote this statement to a friend recently....

Continue to fly, never think just below the clouds of reality!!

Call To Me

2011-01-09T02:08:00.000-08:00

The wind begins to howl and the trees begin to bend, under the sudden travailing force. The pleasant and serene beauty of children playing and people laughing cracks like glass under the force of a unknown hammer. The pieces fall to the ground all too quickly and yet the noise is held in complete silence like a silhouette captured within a frame. My lips quiver and my eyes dart back and forth trying to grasp what is being done, what has just occurred. Peoples voices become muffled and there faces begin to melt into obscurity as my brain desperately seeks to find solitude. The light slowly dims as I crawl to a corner and breath ever so slowly, wishing to feel the soft touch of peace. As I look up in desperation I see a sudden flood of water pouring all around me. I quickly run towards a boat that I see in the distance, my heart is pounding and my body is drenched in fears and emotional thunderstorms. I hold onto the mast with every ounce of strength within my heart as the water rises with devastating destruction. Suddenly a hand reaches out and the waters calm and the rains fall silent. The sun begins to shine as the most beautiful rainbow pours out in an overwhelming radiance. I laid back in complete exhaustion and wonderment. The light seemed more beautiful when the sparkling blue skies danced with the ominous clouds in retreat.

I just survived my first blow out, a mental overload. Since the stroke literally destroyed my ability to cope with stress I am left with this experience on a weekly bases. This is my world but what may surprise you is this, I look forward to my rainbow; the stunning colours of freedom and hope. When my mind begins to recuperate its senses I take a deep breath and say "one day at a time" I look around me and give myself a pep talk and say " Ernie you can do this, you can survive this!" I am alive and I have the freedom to walk again and talk again.

It is so often the case that when we loose something precious we suddenly become aware, understanding that something valuable is gone; there is a void of some sort or another. What I have to say is simple and hopefully encouraging to you, there is always a way through the storm. No matter how hard or how long it may go, eventually it will fade away. The sun will shine again! Whatever is facing you today may seem like an insurmountable task but know this. There is someone who is greater than you, someone who is more profound and deeper than all your worries. The author of rainbows and sunshines, the God who can still any storm at anytime. If I had not felt the storm I would not embrace the calm.

Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer you,

and will tell you great

and hidden things that you have not known.

Believe

2011-01-03T01:51:00.000-08:00

When I first saw this picture it made me think a mile a minute. There was so much being told, a story silently bleeding through the colours of the sun. That story was telling me to believe!!! Now at some point or another we all are faced with the profound choice of believing. It literally shapes how we deal with circumstances! Somewhere in the very depths of who you are there is a choice to be made, a place in which you can have as a monument of faith or a stumbling block of doubt and fear. Now for me, believing is everything! Without this amazing fuel I could not carry on as I do, I could not imagine the things that I hope to accomplish or to change.

The message can truly be that simple, that amazing if only you would pick up your fears, worries and disbeliefs and hold them up to the light of hope. Now if you are overwhelmed by sickness or by hate or a multitude of other stumbling blocks just remember you can choose to believe!! Though my present struggles cause me concern I know that there is change coming. I see a new dawn, a new day. Slowly as every moment passes a new letter is written on my heart and though it seems painfully unbearable, there will come a time when I have the choice to shine in this world or hide in the sand. I choose to shine, I choose to believe!!

Never apologize for being different; the only apologies that should ever be handed out is for indifference!

By EVK

The Blind Side

2010-12-23T00:43:00.000-08:00

Every once and awhile a movie comes along that sets itself apart from others, there is something about it that literally shakes you! You see, movies always have a story to tell whether it is good, horrible, scary maybe even inspirational! I sat with my wife and for every minute that "The Blind Side" was on I felt transfixed. When you peel back all the layers it has something deep and meaningful to say. That special message hits the deepest part of who you are as a person, it takes you to a place that brings you hope; carries you to a place of contemplation. You see in life we all come to impasses sooner or later, we reach a road unto which our decisions drastically shape the very essence of who we are. Sometimes we get lost in our circumstances and all we simply need is someone to come along and believe in us, to help us on our journey. Michael who is one of the main characters in the movie is that someone who was in need of that special encouragement and devotion. The choices of those who surrounded Michael literally carved a deep impression into his life and forever changed the course of his world.
Well when I run on April 24th I want to be the change that others so desperately seek, it's not a fairy tale it's an option! I literally have an opportunity to shape someone else's life forever. So my quest comes with a lot of passion because of my personal fight with a stroke that tries to take away so much in my life. I am going to run because I want to see love change someones life! I feel like so many people are numb because of the way the world is, so much could change if we just tried. If we took the time to help each other out. I know I may sound a little too positive but that is who I am, I will never be anything less than that. I hope you will be moved by my words and wish to make a difference as well. Sometimes in life the littlest things can make the biggest difference! Please come and join me and lets watch history happen, now if you think that you couldn't make a difference because you are just one person than you have missed one of the most valuable lessons that any human being should hold onto, that is this; you are more important than you know!!

Where a thousand would doubt

feel that there is no room for change

there is always someone who will believe

there is always someone who will rewrite history

I choose the pen

not the paper!!

By EVK

Dear Mr Santa

2010-12-21T00:31:00.000-08:00

Just a little while ago my wife and I went to the Christmas Bureau, it has become our yearly visit. The Christmas Bureau is designed to help people who can't afford Christmas, people who are in need. Well my family fits that description. I felt embarrassed when we first went, maybe even a bit ashamed. We were heavily hit by the stroke and so it really shook us to the core, I mean we obviously didn't expect to be permanently disabled. We lost so much in a short time, the list is too long to mention but driving was a big one for us. For two years we couldn't go anywhere without taking a bus.

So there we were waiting in line with the rest of the people there. I looked into so many faces and they looked so empty and sad, it truly was heart wrenching for me to see. It just felt like so many broken dreams in one room, in one place. Some people were there because of bad choices in life and some were there because of bad circumstances. I heard a phrase once and I never forgot it, it goes like this "The rain falls on the good and the bad alike" Sounds inspiring doesn't it? Well in my opinion this phrase has become more true than I could have ever imagined. Things just happen.....

Well here it is four years later and I am driving, I could have never imagined the freedom it brought me. I felt like an eagle soaring above the clouds! Seriously I felt so happy and so free! I know that we should feel happy when we receive gifts and don't get me wrong I sure do feel pretty excited when I do but there is something that is more beautiful than gifts that are tangible. I lost so many things four years ago and now I am looking back and seeing how much I appreciate what I have within my grasp. I am one of the richest guys around! I really mean that, I know the value of a smile, the precious gift of being able to walk and the profound dedication of a wife who will never leave my side. I would not have known all of this unless I had faced these horrible trials. I am not saying that I wish anyone to go through what I am going through but I am wishing that others could feel the hope that I feel!

On this very day a wonderful family came by our house and brought us presents and warm smiles. I was so moved, they didn't even know who we were. They just wanted to give from their hearts and I could see that they were sincere. I took the time to tell them my story and to let them know that I appreciated everything that they had done. I was moved by their hearts of kindness not their presents wrapped in beautiful paper. We needed to see people who were thoughtful, who had no other intention than to just give with a joyful heart! Isn't that what God teaches us? We should all give with a happy heart.

Today I got what I had wished for, people who really cared about their fellow man. I hope that someday soon I can pay it forward as well...I guess for now I will be passing out free hugs and kisses. They are cheap and the return is amazing!!

Anger and Peace

2010-12-18T21:24:00.000-08:00

Last night was tremendously difficult but before I get into this story I just want to say ahead of time that there was beauty within the pain. I don't welcome trials or tribulations readily but when they begin I understand that I need to fight, to survive. Late one evening I was upstairs washing the dishes and my wife was frustrated and she needed someone to talk to. She felt angry about feeling alone, finances and a whole list of other things that are not worth mentioning. As she listed off all the things she was struggling with I began to feel helpless! I knew that most of the feelings she felt were because of my stroke and I began to crawl into my cocoon, my thoughts became lonely and isolated. I remember as a child falling asleep in my warm cozy bed and as my mind drifted off into another world I suddenly was taken to a dark wooden shack. The light ever so slightly pierced through the cracks and I could feel a sudden breeze. I walked over to the corner of the room and noticed a broken window with shutters swaying back and forth. I looked outside and then to my surprise the light quickly hid beneath the dark clouds. The winds began to grow stronger and I became fearful. I was worried that the wooden shack would not survive the onslaught of vicious winds and rainfall. I quickly tried to close the shutters and hide within the dark foreboding shadows. The winds came like a rushing tide, piercing every crack with a whistling sound of fear. I clenched my knees and cried in silence, though I am sure that my fears could be heard if the winds whispered.
After a brief time of wind torn anxiety and self doubt I mustered the courage to wait out the storm and not be afraid. I began to relax my grip both on my mental fear and on the storm that had passed me by. Now I know that this was just a dream but now as an adult I feel that dream left an imprint, a mark. My fears as a child were hidden within that old wooden shack and the winds of uncertainty. Well here I am once again facing that storm, hiding in a shack that once was a beautiful building with beautiful warm tender memories. The stroke took a lot of those memories away but I will no longer cringe under the shadows of fear and doubt!
As I slowly regained my senses I broke free from the cocoon and I simply stretched out and let my wings begin to fly. I was indeed free, not as what many would perceive freedom as but what I knew it was. I was and am no longer cringing under the winds of fear, instead I have learned to bend with the seasons of change and my wings have become stronger. I am a survivor and now it is time to fly, to be the hope and live the change. I cannot go back to the way I was and it would be silly to expect otherwise. A butterfly doesn't wish to be a caterpillar, he just learns to fly and not look back. So wherever my dreams will soar I will go even farther!

It's a wonderful life

2010-12-14T01:30:00.000-08:00

I recently attended a special feature with my entire family. The theater was showing "It's a wonderful life" and I was so excited to see it on the big screen. The thought of seeing my all time favourite christmas movie just thrilled me to no end! As we opened the doors into the theatre we walked slowly into the dark vast sea of unknown people. The place was packed with fans and I was completely taken back by the crowd. I turned to my wife in complete excitement, wanting to say something but my lips said nothing. We quickly found four seats as the movie began to play. Since my stroke affected my memory somewhat, I couldn't remember all the details of the movie but something profound happened. As we watched the entire movie I felt dumbstruck by the uncanny similarities. The emotions that George Bailey felt seemed almost surreal to me.I couldn't process all of what I saw at first, I just slumped my head forward and cried silently. In particular there was a scene where George discovered that his uncle lost a seizable amount of money and so he went home absolutely devastated. As he entered his home he started to complain and bark at everyone. He looked completely torn apart and removed from himself; shocked by everything that had transpired he vented on his family and left in shame. My little daughter told my wife that, that was what daddy is like because of the stroke. I overheard the statement and knew fully well that the movie reminded me of the same thing. I felt like I was watching myself on the big screen. I felt naked and stunned. This movie had previously been a warm inspiring movie, now all of a sudden it felt like it was about me.
My life had changed so much in four years that even a movie looked different to me. Now all of a sudden I related to a man who was lost and confused and completely crushed by his self worthlessness. I had become another George Bailey in a strange sort of way. Though I did not see an angel I did see a world without my family. The four years of confusion and distance left me almost invisible, I watched as everyone disappeared and I became unknown to the life I once knew. Desperately I wanted to be alive, apart of a world that I no longer could reach. It was very painful to watch! The amazing thing is that I am back and apart of a world that once was lost. I have been granted the opportunity of thankfulness, and though there isn't a pile of money by the Christmas tree there is hope wrapped up in two wonderful children and a beautiful wife. I will never be the same man that I once was but that is something that I will deal with one day at a time, for now I am going to kiss my family like crazy and travel this life with a family who loves me.
;

Crabs in a bucket

2010-12-09T13:39:00.000-08:00

Working in the hospital was wonderful for me and the experience with working alongside such a marvelous group of people was beautiful. I loved every minute of it and the patients new it. It was written on my face, I felt like I was making a difference in peoples lives. The strange thing that followed was sad but true, as I began to get appreciated for my happy demeanor and my positive outlook my partner became less and less excited. I could see that she was becoming bitter and unkind. I read a story about crabs pulling each other down in a bucket and it made me think of this very situation. In fact I think that recently I saw that behaviour again, it is surprising to me but not shocking. Either people honestly wish for you to do well in life or they secretly feel that they don't wish for anyone else to do well except them. I call those kinds of people LIFE suckers, they don't know how to genuinely wish for others to do well unless they can benefit in some small way. Personally I think that that life choice is damaging in so many ways, they desperately pull whoever is trying to reach the top of the bucket and they quickly pull them down. There lives are filled with desperation and sadly they have a void that desires constant attention. I personally believe we need to surround ourselves with people who lift us up and likewise we ought to do the same. It becomes synergistic, basically we ignite one another with encouragement. You can either choose to encourage or remain lost in a small world of crabs, wanting only to live in a bucket.

Say the word

2010-12-07T09:48:00.000-08:00

When I first began to attend school it was frightening, utterly scary. I remember the day as though it was yesterday. It was a reasonably beautiful day and my mom drove me to the school. I don't remember if my mother said much but I do remember her face and her smile. My mom was and is the most wonderful comforter in the world, she was a natural at it. As we stepped out of the car I realized that it was time to go away and this was my first time being really away from my mother. Okay I will admit it now, I was crying! I didn't want to be away from the world that I new. A sweet mother and a warm friendly home full of love for which there was endless baked goods! I mean, do you really think a kindergarten class will give me lots of hugs and kisses and baked goods?! I don't think so, well maybe but that is besides the point! As my mother hugged every last breath out of my body I dragged myself to the front door. Suddenly I was attacked by a new arrival to the clan of KINDERGARTEN. This fellow classmate grabbed my face and kissed me nonstop until we walked into the classroom. As I desperately reached for the asylum of 123's and ABC's I noticed the teacher laughing at my circumstance. It was then and only then that I knew this was going to be a long introduction into the world of learning. As I sat in class like a perfect child (completely not paying attention) I memorized every little detail and studied every word that was spoken (I was so admiring the colours of the room) I slowly forgot that I missed my mom and began to love the idea of learning until I got my first ear pulling, hair yanking, hand slapping initiation! During the rest of that year I was repeatedly slapped, ear pulled and sent to the corner. I must have been a very wild and crazy kid to deserve such affection from my teacher! All kidding aside, that experience left a bitter view of learning and of school as a whole. My teacher was a very unkind and harsh lady. She left a thumb print of hatred that pursued me all through my first 9 years of school.
It is very common to be affected by our initial experiences, the learning curve. We are forever imprinted with those memories, those thoughts. While most other children in the class had a delightful time I was on the other end of the stick (literally) As the years went by I realized how much I hated school and everything that pertained to education, only because of the bitter root of discipline. The difficulty that I truly remember having was the fact that my parents spoke german at home 24/7 and when I went to school I had tremendous difficulty listening to the english language being spoken. As years passed and my passion for loathing the educational system grew I eventually left school at grade 10. It is a much bigger story than what you see written here but what happened later was amazing. I decided to take a special educational class when I was in my mid 20s and I learned at an exponential rate. The reason was simple, I walked in with a fresh mind and a passion to over come my distaste. The wall had grown so tall that it blocked the sunshine, the view of hope. I went crazy, I learned everything I could get my hands on! That moment became a monumental journey. I realized that not only am I smart but that I deserve to change my outlook and live a life full of happiness in whatever I do. It is simply never to late for change...

In the hours that change

the minutes that climb

my memories have held

the beauty of gold

and the rocks of lime

for though I sought the value of one

I should have seen

the precious

the lovely hands of God

underneath the sun

by EVK

My experience pushed me further and further into caverns of fear and disdain. I did not see the precious truth even among the rocks of pain. Slowly my heart was opened and God showed me that it is not just the gold that is precious to him but every rock that is discovered. Every rock has a purpose. When I discovered that hope I began to crawl out and see a new beginning! A new world of change!!!

100 fliers and a dream please!

2010-12-03T01:08:00.000-08:00

There I was standing in a huge store with a table and a chair. People came rushing in to see what was on sale and what treats were at the tables. I felt naked for the first time in a long while, uncomfortable with my surroundings and worried with my presentation table. I didn't really have that much to offer in the way of goodies but my dream was lying there in a 100 fliers of hope, waiting to be discovered. As I watched face after face walking by I wondered if I could really make a difference. So many people and hardly a single one came up and spoke to me. I sat down with my hand on my head, I felt like crying. My mind was racing a mile a minute! I was thinking to myself "Ernie why do you believe in this, why do you think you can make a difference?" My mind was hitting another wall, another fear. I just closed my eyes and thought "You can do this Ernie!" So I took a deep breath and just relaxed.
Surprisingly a young gentleman came over and we talked to each other for some time. He spoke of his surgery concerning his tumor and I spoke of my stroke recovery and we suddenly felt a strong bond, an unknown feeling of understanding; comradery! Knowing that we both knew what suffering meant, what fear tasted like! It was as though we had fought together against a common enemy and travailed! We shook each others hands repeatedly and said "goodbye" For some reason I feel as though we will become very good friends. We spoke to each other with conviction and with honesty. That is something that is lacking in a lot of people, we like to present ourselves as what we wish others to see instead of what we really are. When the night was over I was so proud of myself and my wife and well everyone who supported me. There was a few coins here and there but that didn't matter compared to the people who won my heart that night. When someone comes up to you, a complete stranger; gives you their heart in a handshake and tells you their tears. It simply shakes you! That is why I am running, why I will run this distance. I will make a difference for the many who have suffered, whatever illness it may be! This run is for you!!

Once upon a smile

2010-11-30T02:39:00.000-08:00

They say that a smile is worth a thousand words or was that the painting?! Either way, the truth is still the same. Your smile says a lot, sometimes more than you know. It lets others know that you care or that you agree with what they say, maybe even show a slight amount of support in words that you have just spoken. A myriad of silent words! After the stroke for a brief time my smile was crooked, it felt like someone had given me anesthesia. It was surreal! I wanted to slap myself, hoping that suddenly I would wake up from this horrible nightmare. I would walk over to the mirror and look at my face and just study the difficulties. I closed my eyes and imagined my mother laughing and my children smiling at me. This smile that I had used over the years, the simple expression of love and kindness was suddenly tired and broken. There is hope in this story, something of true value; I have my smile again and the value of that gift will never be forgotten. I will wear it with a proud heart and when people become angry or hateful, I will remember that I have something that is worth more than gold. I found my smile, my hope! When I took care of stroke survivors in the hospital as a rehab assistant, I used to say "Smiles are free, so enjoy it while you can". I never knew how much that was true until I became like them! I am a proud supporter of living life as a gift. One that God gave with a joyful heart!! So remember, a smile is free but sometimes you have to fight for it....

Smiles are a valley of hope with a mountain of praise

they speak in silence

such words

without sound

they say

my life is short

my days have I once

so cherish will I

every moment

every ounce

cast away your frowns

all kingdoms and crowns

in the land of worry and rot

By EVK

Dust in the wind

2010-11-27T02:23:00.000-08:00

A sudden thump, a heavy blow to the shoulder as I slid to the floor. I looked up with complete shock, wondering what just happened. As I lay on the concrete I can see the light above me, the burning incandescent bulb. Shocked by the sudden weakness in my body I lay there stunned, horrified at the waves of pain shooting through my legs. I roll back and forth on the floor trying to catch my breath when the messages begin to fade into oblivion. I wipe my forehead and slowly get onto my knees, crawling towards the couch nearby. My thoughts go racing, wondering how in the world did I get here?! Why am I in such pain? The list goes on and I am left in a whirlwind of unanswered thoughts. Maybe not knowing all the answers to questions is a good thing! Sometimes it is better left unsaid. We often learn more in the silence then in the company of empty words.
The pain shoots through my entire body at times and at other times it just picks a spot to keep warm I guess. That is okay, I have learned to swing with the punches. You just adapt and face life with a smile, look at the things that make you laugh! It is not easy at times but it is worth its wait in gold. A farmer in the old days would be confident in his ability to survive only because his well was deep enough to provide life. The deeper the well the better chance for survival! At least in the hotter climates that is. So hear I am approaching Christmas slowly and I feel like a deeper man. What I mean by that is this, I have changed for the good. My vision, my perception of things are drastically different. I hear people complain about bills and about traffic and whatever else that fades with time. Why not look beyond the little things? Turn your head away from insults and complaining and you will become something tangible. Something appreciated, something sought after! You will become someones sunshine, a breath of fresh air not a bag of wind. Look past the momentary issues and enjoy every moment. Live your days with love and kindness and learn to laugh!!
Be The Hope, Live The Change!!

Promo video

2010-11-26T23:14:00.000-08:00

I recently finished the promo video for Way Of The Dove. I have stepped out of my comfort zone in order to get the word out on the big run on April 24th 2011. I am truly excited because my passion super exceeds my fear for failure. The simple "What ifs" that all of us come up with when we reach for goals. So here I am making cover letters and speaking to all the local companies in my area. Not being afraid of peoples responses or lack thereof. My skin is getting thicker and my heart is getting stronger! When you step out of your bubble you begin to grow wiser and learn quickly from your mistakes. I am proud to fight for every step that I take and I hope I can encourage hundreds more to do so as well.
April 24th 2011 promo

What Moves Me Will Make Me Stronger

2010-11-26T00:54:00.000-08:00

Now as a child I read a story of a man with long hair who could fight off hundreds of men with a jawbone. He could tear off the doors of a city and think nothing of it! His name was Samson and as a child I would imagine myself having that kind of strength, wanting to be that kind of person. As a child I saw only one thing, the strength of a man which I thought brought respect. As I grew up I noticed that it isn't in the strength that we gain respect but in our abilities to overcome our challenges, our fears; all the while being honorable! Samson eventually lost his strength not because of his loss of hair but because of his lack of care in wanting to please God.The very one who gave him his abilities, the one who made him who he truly was. Sometimes we loose our direction and loose our strength. We become lost in broken promises and self centered behavior. I want to stay focused and remember who I am, despite my suffering. It is so easy to fade into a world of complacency, living only for yourself. Take some time and learn to look outside yourself and be the man or woman that God has called you to. Sometimes people can deceive us and then it hurts us deep inside but really what is of more offence than lying to yourself?

"To thine own self be true"

How far will you go to find the truth? To live a life of honor and respect, to be truthful to yourself and God. You have the opportunity to leave a legacy of hope and change. To live a life of profound impact! Sometimes we need to stand between the pillars of apathy and change the world. Be courageous and live a life of "No Compromise"

Will I

2010-11-23T11:52:00.000-08:00

Now in life we face all kinds of challenges, some are great and some are small. For each person it varies depending on how they respond to the challenge! There could be 10 people with the same problem but not the same reaction. For instance, a job loss or poverty. The reaction goes through a wide spectrum depending on how a person views themselves and their surroundings. Even a persons faith or lack thereof. All these things can leave a heavy influence on the final way we react to our circumstances. When I was in grade 3 we would have mathematical tests on the fly (surprise quiz). I would literally begin to have difficulty with my breathing and I would have instant asthma attacks. The problem was so invasive that I had to lay down in a room for over an hour to recover. This problem pursued me until grade 5! A wonderful teacher noticed the situation and decided to teach me every day. Patiently he taught me my times table and next thing you knew I was one of the fastest kids in class (mathematics).
So my simple question to you is do you wish to be someone who wants to face the giants in your own life and overcome or do you want to be overwhelmed by fears? Sometimes we need a little shove. When I started to believe in my own ideas and dreams I began to take bigger and bigger steps. Confidence!! When my grade 5 teacher helped me to overcome my fears I began to take great leaps of faith in my abilities to problem solve. Face the giant and watch him fall!

The World and I

2010-11-21T20:26:00.000-08:00

Today I spoke with a dear friend and I truly loved the conversation! Everything about it was lovely and encouraging. She spoke of her latest accomplishments for which I was truly overjoyed. Her name is Ursula and she told me of her recent running challenge. She described the profound feelings of wonder and self worth in accomplishing something that she felt was worth the prize. The amazement came from the fact that she overcame a limitation, reaching for something beautiful; something beyond words. Confidence that grew with every step that she took. In passing she told me how I had inspired her to run. I was excited not for the fact that she complimented me but because I could hear her dreams flying into the great unknown. She was standing at the edge of the world looking in!
When I pursued greater and greater distances, my mind would dream greater and greater possibilities. If we don't try then we will never know, we will never explore the lands of wonder. A poet can never become mysterious and profound if he or she does not dare to look beyond themselves. An athlete can only be as great as the hardest challenge that is pursued. I am at the edge and this world that I see, will begin to change.... I will not let go until it does! So look ahead and see beyond your inabilities and press forward. Be diligent and maybe your wings will grow!!! Look all around you and take notice, people who push their own boundaries become stronger. Wisdom welcomes them if they wish. Diligence is a character worth chasing and wisdom, the warmth in lonely pursuit. Be courageous and live bold!!!

May God bless you...

Oasis...

2010-11-19T22:10:00.000-08:00

Crawling on my knees underneath the piercing sunlight, I slump forward exhausted from dehydration. I look everywhere and sand is all I see! I am too weary and dehydrated to even cry, my lips are cracked and my throat is dry. I finally lay flat in the hot sand and reach forward with my blistering hands. Is that water I see?! Out in the middle of nowhere, palm trees and a beautiful waterfall splashing into a crystal clear stream of hope. With all my might I cry out and drag myself to the edges of this beautiful Oasis. As I lean over into the clear crystal waters, I dip my bloodied hands. The sudden surge of coolness and the refreshing taste of life brings me to clarity once again. As I look into my reflection I see a well worn man with bloodied lips from the sun and blisters from the heat. My face shocked me, the sun hat beaten me for days. I was its slave and it was my unrelenting master! Though completely flabbergasted by my own reflection I drank as much water as I could take. I slowly walked underneath the beautiful waterfall, washing all the sand from my body. It felt like eternity. Like a distant promise of hope. Suddenly the water became as sand and then.....

Everything faded to black and I awoke. So drenched in my dream, I could have sworn it was reality. There I was laying on the couch in the middle of the night and my throat was dry from the sleeping pills that I had taken earlier that night. I slowly sat up and looked all around, making sure that I really wasn't dreaming anymore. I rubbed my face and tried to say a few words but only slurred and garbled sounds became of me. I was even more frustrated that my nightmare was more interesting than my reality. I realized at that very moment, my inner most fears were crying out. I was really terrified, my circumstance left me in a desert. I could hardly speak at times and my mind was crying out for some understanding. Looking for the Oasis in the middle of my broken dreams. I was desperately seeking for understanding, for hope and for love. Someone to tell me that I was going to be ok.
Later that week I attempted my first practice run. The beginning of my dream to raise awareness for the sick and to pursue my new hope. To make a difference! During my few years of battling stroke symptoms I have learned to lean on the Oasis of my hope. I have also learned that where one dream dies another must grow!

John 4:14

On your mark, get set, GO!!!!

2010-11-17T22:34:00.000-08:00

There I was trembling, looking over to the left and to the right. People lined up on either side, when suddenly BANG!!! I jumped from the starting line and I ran with my heart in my throat. As my hair flung backwards I pushed every step with sheer force. As I gained speed I could hardly feel the ground beneath me. My lungs filled with the fresh warm air of summer and the cheers of those on the sidelines. As I approached the 100 meter mark my asthma kicked into overdrive, quickly my chest began to tighten up. It felt as though someone handed me a straw and said "breathe through this!" My legs began to shake and my fingers became numb from the lack of oxygen. I refused to give up, I had dealt with this problem all my life and it wasn't going to get the best of me now. I pushed forward and I didn't care if it began to burn, I wanted this ribbon. I needed it for my own accomplishments. To look myself in the mirror and say "You did it because you didn't give up!" I approached the end of the race and I won second place. Funny enough, that day changed my life!
I ran the next year and won the long distance 800 meter twice. I outran everyone in my school and I ended up running in larger competitions for the entire city. As a grade 5 student that moved me. I never thought for one moment that a young man like myself, who suffered severe asthma could not compete. The simple reason was, I ignored people who said I couldn't do it. I pressed on! In fact I overcame my asthma for my training in my 37km run (Way Of The Dove Fundraiser)
Always look forward and onward!!

Why So Negative?!

2010-11-17T12:54:00.000-08:00

There is a total of 365 days in a year and out of that total you can't stand Mondays. Now minus those 52 days and you are left with 313 days. Now from that 313 days you can't stand tuesdays because the week has barely begun and you are so far away from a weekend of relaxing. You now have to minus another 52 days (depending on leap year or not ,53 then) which brings you to a total of 261 days. Now Wednesdays are simply the middle of the week and you hate being stuck in the middle so you have to minus another 52 days of drudgery! You now have 209 days of pure joy but oh wait you still have Thursdays. Thursday is a wonderful day filled with thoughts of relaxing in the proverbial sun, the only problem is that you caught the flu and so you needed to recover. So lets minus another possible 9 days of illness out of the year. Your grand total is set at 200 days! Now if by chance you fall into the country song woes you have unfortunately lost your dog,wife,house and you have gained a wonderful lawyer by the name of Big Bill. You will most likely minus a solid 100 days. In the time you have gained composer and felt that you are feeling stellar because you found a dating online service that has said “Man you look good for your age, what is your credit card number?!” You are starting to feel good about yourself and you feel that you are beginning to put on your A game for dating. Early one morning you get a call from the bank telling you that your identity was stolen and that you now live in hong kong. You now have to deal with trying to prove that you have lived in your present city. The only problem was that you never really got along with that many people because of your negative behaviors.

With all that has transpired you minus a total of 135 days from your present holdings in the “positive jar) You are now standing at an awesome number which entails 65 days of pure luxurious joy. You are so excited! The sad truth is now you have no one to enjoy those few and precious moments. So my grand question is this, was being so negative really that important?! Now I am no mathematician by any huge manner but I think I have an idea what is worth investing in. My bet is on being positive whenever you can!
I wrote this in response to a friend of mine who asked at work one day "why are you so happy anyways?!"

By EVK

Signs Signs Everywhere A Sign

2010-11-17T00:27:00.000-08:00

There I was driving on the road trying to get from point A to point B, well in my case from point A to B to C to whatever else my confused mind would take me. When I had accomplished the tasks or errands that I had set to do I gladly began my return home. I could imagine the soft couch that I so dearly loved and the warm gentle flickering fire by my feet as I snuggled up to a wondrous movie that carried me away to a new and thrilling journey! All of this anticipation just waiting eagerly behind the simple curl of my lips, a sudden smile caught by the reflection of my window as I passed underneath the street lights. As I turned the corner I noticed a street sign, an oddity to say the least. The design had me perplexed, confused. It was as though I had just seen a new mathematical equation or I had just been asked the dreaded "If two trains were to leave at different times at different speeds who would arrive first" type of question. That was the look I had when I saw the sign; it made no sense, it gave me no clarity. I drove past in complete wonder. I thought to myself "how long has that sign been there?" and "what does it mean?"

When I drove up the driveway a simple thought came to mind. What good is a sign if most likely, no one really knows what it means? I mean, a signs whole purpose is to warn you of something. If the sign is so complicated and confusing what purpose does it fill? What value does it really have? People will just drive past not really caring either way. In life there are many signs, some are simple to understand while others can leave us with our heads shaking. Here I am ready to run for a dream that is so close to reality that I can taste it, but there was a time when I couldn't understand anything. The signs where confusing and garbled, none of it had value to me. I was lost in a sea of confusion under a blanket of pain but somehow I survived and my brain fought to find understanding. Learning to live, learning to breathe. Sometimes in life we face moments of absolute uncertainty, we feel as though life maybe isn't the way we had hoped. When we are at our weakest, frail thoughts of insecurity begin to grow. They challenge our character, in those precious moments we will truly know how far the roots really are. You see a tree is only as good as the roots, the deeper it is the more sustainable. Now the greater question is this, where are your roots planted?

If somehow in life you are feeling hopeless

and helpless

brought to tears by a world of unkindness

then certainly you have not seen

the profound wonders of Gods amazing grace

His marvelous love that He has fashioned upon your beautiful soul

By EVK

The Mark

2010-11-14T13:49:00.000-08:00

Iron sharpens Iron

2010-11-13T14:28:00.000-08:00

Without a good small circle of friends we often can loose our way. It seems almost silly to believe that but it is true! Friends can either inspire us or distract us from what or who we really are meant to be. With good friends even disagreements can produce some of the most amazing situations. Did you know that CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien met at a pub on a regular bases? They used to call themselves "The Inklings". They would often disagree with each other and challenge each other with philosophies and how they wrote stories. Each had their own way of writing and philosophical perspective. Yet still they talked with each other on a continual basis. They inspired each other to be greater than what they were. As iron sharpens iron, true friendship can improve ones life! Take the time to invest in people of good character and most likely you will attain character as well. Smart business men associate with successful business men. Why? Well because they want to be inspired and wish to learn how they think. I try to surround myself with people who believe in my dreams and who are confident in what I do. They encourage me to grow in a healthy direction! CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien wrote amazing literature and are known all over the world because they pushed each other to higher heights. So remember if you are around people who are negative or demeaning you will only loose the greatest gift given to mankind, imagination!

Choose your friends wisely and you will undoubtedly improve the world you live in and maybe you will make your own Narnia someday! I know I sure am.....

This dream has wings!!

2010-11-12T00:56:00.000-08:00

When I was a child I dreamed of being able to play baseball. I watched my brothers hit the ball like it was going out of style, soaring in the wind like a bird reaching for freedom! I was amazed at the power that they had, the timing, everything. I wanted to be apart of that excitement! So when the game was over they would walk home and I would stay behind and practice. I would imagine the ball flying through the air like a rocket! Then when all the imagination was done I needed to hit that thing. I wanted to be apart of the dream. So I persisted until I did it, until I was able to hit that ball past the pitcher. Now recently I have experienced my first home run. I am not talking about baseball anymore but about dreams. Ones that we wish to become reality. I jogged and jogged until I literally put holes in my shoes, I wanted to be an inspiration to those who were suffering illnesses. I thought the best way to be an inspiration is to overcome something that seems almost impossible and then let others know there is hope. I ran for awareness, made videos, spoke to as many people as possible and gave my heart and soul into helping people. Suddenly things have gone from a possibility to a reality!! I am now looking at something that has taken flight, something that is bigger than myself. I now am seeing others believe in what I am dreaming of! In those precious moments big things can happen, not because I created it but because God orchestrated it. That means that there is an amazing intricate design for hope, for miracles. Much bigger than myself! I am walking on clouds because I am making a difference in this life and it couldn't have happened without faith, hope and love! Pursue your dreams with these three things and maybe just maybe you might see a miracle happen in the lives of those around you. It might just start with "I CAN, I WILL"
Never forget, you can make a difference no matter what your circumstance. It isn't a matter of what you have, but what you do with what you got!!

Symmetry

2010-11-09T15:35:00.001-08:00

No Limits!!

2010-11-09T15:10:00.000-08:00

No Arms No Legs No Limits

In life fear can hold the heart captive, in fact it can dry the mind. Your imaginations and dreams can easily become desolate! In fact fear has the ability to even leave many people lost in a world of broken thoughts, wishing they were not even alive. If we take the time to look around you can see there are people everywhere who are lost in fear and in worries. What is it that makes some live beyond those boundaries, those walls that many face with absolute trembling? I look at people who face overwhelming odds and for some reason they rise above, they captivate hope and crush fear and impossibilities at every turn. For some of us we become like little children lost in the moments; being disciplined by our fathers or mothers, we only see the chastisement not the benefits. We lose our focus and begin to slide down a slippery slope of “I want that!” or “why me?” We can't function because it becomes all about ourselves, our view suddenly shrinks smaller and smaller. Our characters are always tested by circumstances, by unforeseen events that we never planned or expected. All in all fear grips our hearts and we crumble. How can we turn these situations around, make something beautiful out of what we feel is hopeless? Well recently I watched a video of a young man who had no arms, no legs and he was an inspiration to many. The reason seems very obvious and worth the thought, he took something that could have made most people crumble under a weight of fear, anger and depression and made it beautiful! He believed he was worth something, he knew God had something planned for his life. He left all his baggage behind and looked forward and onward. Everyone takes notice when you overcome odds, when you rise above almost impossible circumstances. Now, are you someone who is captured by your worries or fears? Do you see an opportunity for inspiration or a wall of impossibilities? I am so proud of being more than just a worry in the wind! Don't let your situation tell you that your life is worthless or that it has no meaning. You are only as big as the dreams you carry!!

When my stroke caused my brain an insurmountable wall of challenges and fears I chose to embrace my limitations and become victorious! In my mind I had lost limbs, ways to acquire success and happiness. I viewed my situation and said “I need to rise above and make a difference!”

Be the difference that everyone so desperately desires and hopes for. Remember you are not alone!

The Lions Heart

2010-11-08T11:47:00.000-08:00

Be more than the broken words or the fearful thoughts that beg for your attention. Live a life worthy of praise. Look at some of the greatest people in history and see that they did what most wouldn't do... They simply chose to do it! Are you the tv or the one who changes the channels?! Words with if and or but can permeate the heart of failure.. The heart of a champion only sees

I CAN....

The Measure Of A Man

2010-11-08T02:32:00.000-08:00

The measure of a man

is dictated by how well he lives in the moments he feels the weakest

not in the strengths he hides behind.

By EVK

There in the absence of light there was silence. The walls of stone surrounded him and bandages wrapped his body still. Sometimes in our weaknesses we feel like sin surrounds our lives and we feel helpless in a tomb of shame. We long for the light of grace to free us, to give us hope and bring us to life. Just imagine when Jesus rose from the dead the pure joy he had! He was alive and He knew that God would be faithful even unto death. When I would run a great distance I would try to imagine the finish line. I would make every effort to think on those things when dealing with such physical challenges, I embraced the hope in order to accomplish the goal set before me. In fact there was more joy in running then there was in finishing races. I would become so excited and filled with such anticipation that I could hardly contain it. I believe that Christ was excited to come out of the grave and to show that his Father in heaven was a God of promise, because He is! I am excited to know such grace, such wonder. I am not surrounded by stone or by bandages of hopelessness but by a marker stone of triumph! My life was intended to be victorious, filled with wonder and promise. While many may choose to sit in a tomb of confusion or complacency I choose to walk among the living. Christ rose from the dead so we could be alive! So my great question is this, do you live as though you have been freed from a tomb of despair?! I will take this sickness that I face and leave it in the tomb and I will walk with Jesus wherever he goes, because with him there is only life!

Ignorance, Sugar and Pain

2010-11-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

When I initially suffered my stroke four years ago I thought that this would be one of the hardest battles that I would ever face, little did I know what truly laid ahead. In most cases people who suffer illness struggle with the shock of dreams dissipating, their world has changed and the laws that govern it have completely been removed. A matrix of questions and rules governed by pain, a fundamental shift. Now I wish to talk to you about something that is even more difficult than this proverbial “thorn in my side” situation. I never knew that humans were so desperate to place one another in small tight boxes, little cubbyholes of understanding. For instance when we meet people for the first time we ask them about their name, their job and what they believe or what is their passions in life. We want to know whether or not they can fit into our world, into our way of comfort-ability. In the four years of surviving my stroke I have never seen so much more of this behavior than now. When I stepped away from attending church it was a two folded issue. Not one that I wished had occurred, but sadly it did. People kept pushing their ideas as to why I was where I was. It felt bizarre at times and yet painfully sad at other times. People would say things like “God is trying to make you understand something and until that changes you are in this situation” while others would even go as far as to say “Maybe you are afflicted with demonic issues and that is why you can't handle being at church?!” The list goes on...

Then there was the strange feeling of being expected to attend church so God could heal me. People began to assume things and push agendas for their own sake so I could once again fit into the box that they had drawn me in. Since I wasn't attending church because my brain could not handle it people just faded away. Instead of comforting me during this tragic circumstance and just simply being a friend they wanted to make sure I attended on time and wanted to see God heal me so they could learn to trust in God more. I think many christians have the cart before the horse. When job went through his brutally tough time he learned that God is who he is not because of mans assumptions but because of His character! The flaws of his close friends were the guilt of assumption, ignorance. They spoke on behalf of God, assuming they knew what was correct and that they judged job without knowledge. Job's friends felt that they knew what was wrong and thought they could fix the situation. God only knew and the purpose that He had laid out was for His glory! Simply the truth was to trust and obey. Such a simple phrase and yet we all stand so far from this statement. Jesus lived the life of trusting and obeying, he exuded that faith, that desire to please his father. In fact Jesus healed many people where they were, he came to them. Jesus reached out and ignored the presumptions and judgments of others, in fact he healed people on the sabbath (a holy day) While the rest of us were in churches he was busy reaching out. Would we have judged him unfairly?

I am alive in Christ Jesus and my hope is in Gods amazing grace not because I am afraid of life or the possibility of prayers unanswered. God is faithful and just and like job I will praise him even when my circumstances say otherwise. He will restore unto me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me. I want to be real wherever I go and I want people to know Gods unfailing mercy and love. God will roll the stone away...

When We See

2010-11-03T21:54:00.000-07:00

Under Dark Clouds

2010-11-03T21:41:00.001-07:00

There I was standing outside under the dark clouds of winters smile. I could see that this was going to be tough, well more than tough. I grabbed my water jug belt and my flashlight head band and with a arm reflector I was on my way. I never felt so insecure, the winds didn't look favourable and the weather had this slight grin, almost like a bully meeting you in a playground. Inevitably there was going to be a confrontation but I didn't care. I was determined and my heart was filled to the top with excitement. Today I was going to beat the elements of weather and most of all beat the mental battle that laid ahead. All morning I had struggled with my mental aquity, my body was just not getting the big picture so I needed to draw it out all over again. I needed to get out of the self pity mud pile and accomplish something worth being proud of, so I put on my jogging clothes and headed for the door. As I began my run I felt the stroke symptoms start to melt like wax, slowly bending into the rhythm of each stride taken. Not long after I accomplished my first few miles, my right leg decided it was time to discuss the crazy notion of long distance running. The pain shot through my entire body for some period of time. I decided it was time to rest for a moment and collect my thoughts, my prayers, my goal. I looked up into the dark sky above and then gently rubbed my leg, it was time to commit or just back down. Well I decided at that point to try even harder, I don't really know why I am so stubborn when it comes to giving in. Maybe it was the way my mom raised me or the way that I knew that God was bigger than my present trial.
Since the obstacles before me looked ominous I felt the need to pursue it even more, with passion! The road twisted and turned and the noisy cars fell behind me in silence. I took the time to pray in my head and dream of all the things that God could do in me and in others. I was dreaming a beautiful dream, it was like smelling lavender. It was so precious, so wonderful! After an hour of running the clouds decided to join and the rain began to dance across my lips, all around my face with little reminders of the season that stood before me. The darkness slowly invaded my journey and I was left to a tiny light and the sound of my feet pounding the concrete. This was one of those moments that you never forget, like your mothers warm gentle hugs or a lovers kiss. Except this moment was covered in loneliness, tainted with a silent fear. Everything was dark and I was on my own, I needed to accomplish this run. It was more about the darkness than anything else, the subtle feeling of what a stroke feels like. Out on your own, in the middle of nowhere trying to find reality. I was looking for my way back home. There was a deep feeling of concern so I stopped and prayed for some courage and to realize that God is with me no matter what. Suddenly the run became a mental battle over silence, over fear of abandonment. As I approached my destination I receive a phone call from my wife and the words were so comforting. The encouragement was profound, though I could not speak properly she understood that I was coming home. With my speech in my pocket and hope in my heart I made it home. I slumped at the door whispering these words "I made it, I made it, I did it"
I wiped away the tears and felt a gentle hug from my wife. It warmed my body with a sense of joy and triumph!
I was not going to let my circumstances define me, hold me captive..

Now if I lay in the mud of my own self pity

the only thing I will gain

obtain

is a company of pigs

but if I rise above

and soar among the clouds

filled with heavens glory

I will sing among angels

I will taste victory

I will breathe the peace

that passes all understanding

and there will I know

that God is the lifter of my soul

my countenance

the power that can roll any stone

make any darkness fade

He is the resurrection of my hope

By EVK

52 Jobs in 52 weeks

2010-11-02T20:05:00.000-07:00

Now for most of us, trying to find a job can be difficult. There is no simple way of looking at it. There can be so many factors in trying to find something that is fulfilling. We all want to make good money but it seems for the most part we want to be happy at what we do. I mean, we wake up and go to work 5 to 7 days a week. You want to invest in a job where you are appreciated and that you feel you make a difference. You can make all the money in the world but if there isn't passion in what you do then it becomes at times painfully bland and empty. We all want to be loved, desired and most definitely appreciated. As a teenager I worked with my father, not because I wanted to but because I had to! When it became a demand and not a choice, suddenly everything started to fade into obligations. I didn't feel free, I felt captured by expectations. The box slowly became smaller and smaller. When I left home to pursue my dreams, I felt a weight slowly lifting. I was chasing something that I wanted and that I felt had value. I wanted to make a difference in my life, leave an impact. I had big dreams and big hopes. When we leave the cage of our own circumstances we learn to fly, we become stronger and more courageous. I just placed my fears behind me and began to go forward. Since that time I have become more and more fearless. In fact when the stroke hit me at such a young age I just looked ahead and said to myself "one step at a time" Well I have taken thousands of steps and my dreams are so much closer than when I first believed. Are you willing to lay your fears to rest?!

That Wasn't a Duck Was it?!

2010-11-02T01:37:00.000-07:00

Long long ago in a galaxy far far away.... Light sabers were swinging in the cold stilted air, The buzzing sound of laser rifles humming as they quickly fired bright coloured piercing sounds of death. Metal androids exploding, ripping metal zipping past humans as the battle for good became fiercely drawn by bodies strewn in chaos. With all my might I screamed in silence as I watched the dreaded Lord Vader throwing countless bodies aside as if they were dolls. All that stood between me and him was a metal bridge. Lord Vader approached me with his light saber firmly planted into the ground as if he were drawing words in the sand as he walked closer and closer. I felt the dark side of the force reaching for my neck when all of a sudden I hear....... “Hello there, hi cutie, do you have a name?”

It was 11:03am and I was working with my dad in the middle of summer like I had for the past couple of years. Everything seemed so repetitive that my mind would wander into other worlds and play with the possibility of being a hero or living the dream of some movie I had recently seen. I could hardly focus on work not because I was ungrateful or bratty by any means, it was just that I had a mind that wanted to imagine, to go past the walls of my low self esteem. Here I was working in a college dorm full of woman and I was imagining another world beyond our galaxy. When I heard that call from two stories up it abruptly woke me from my daydreaming. It was like a sudden splash of cold water! Usually I heard my dad calling me in his thick German accent which sounded like a volvo starting in the cold freezing winter. Anyways this beautiful blonde girl looked down from the heavens above, ok it wasn't the heavens but she sure did look like an angel to me. She leaned out the window and waved at me and I was completely shocked. My mind began to race, my heart began to pound. My brain was climbing a mountain of words to say. Should I say Hello or Hi? No, no that won't work maybe something like “hey, you are so beautiful that I can't believe you are speaking to me!” NO, that is even worse, what about “hey, look at my muscles!” Ahhh that is even worse, since I didn't have any to show I was stuck in stupid land and I just stared at her. Ok that is enough, you need to seriously say something like “ Wow, this building has nice bricks and my shoes are really made of genuine Saskatchewan seal skin bindings!” I was lost, I just wanted to get back to daydreaming and let Lord Vader slice me in half with his Light saber. I was dead in the water and I had no troops to get me out of trouble. Then by a sudden miraculous power within me I mustered the strength to speak. It was going to be profound, I was going to make things happen. Watch out ladies here I come! I opened my mouth and I said “Hi” but for some reason it didn't sound like a normal word. The pathway from my brain to my lips had somehow decided to visit Hungary, maybe even Zimbabwe! Either way “Hi” sounded like a pregnant duck and everything became suddenly silent. I am sure in that moment I heard opera singers laughing in the distance! What had happened?! I just had a beautiful person say “Hello” and I was teaching her the ways of “Idiot man” Yes, I was very fluent in this language it seems but only when I was around women... From that point on I never really was fond of ducks, well the quacking part at least! ;)

The Beauty And The Beast

2010-11-01T23:00:00.000-07:00

The Beauty And The Beast

Sudden pulsing and twitching throbbed through my entire body, everything was in complete hysteria. It was as though someone had entered my body and began playing with my mind, there was no control only sudden fear. I watched myself begin to shake as everything became blurry, my head was shaking so hard that the world abruptly changed from sharp crisp images into a haze of uncertainty. I had just experienced my first seizure, my legs were throbbing from the pain and my arms were bruised from the piercing jolts of sudden movements. I slowly rolled over onto my stomach only to feel nauseous from the intense battle for normality, for peace. As I stood up I felt as though I had just been in a fight with someone I could not see or feel. I felt helpless and afraid but I knew right there and then that this was the stroke. The damage to my brain was beginning to surface in ways that I did not imagine. I was starting a whole new journey, a journey with another barrier begging me for defeat. I got on my knees and just asked God one thing " Can you hold me?" Hold my body in the midst of a trembling soul. I needed to just hear the heartbeat of Gods love and grace, His dedicated love. I know that when things become suddenly cloudy we often panic, we fear the unknown. It is in our very nature to want clarity! I just rested in silence wanting to hear my heart calm down, to hear my breath speak softly. As I contemplated my future I remembered my past and all the wonderful memories I had of my healthy body. I could run where ever I choose, there was no worries just freedom. I felt there was a beast that laid within, a monster who wanted to break out of this fragile body but to no avail. Surprisingly as I walked through my hallway I noticed a picture that was worth more than a thousand words, more than tears mixed with pain. It was a picture of the movie "Beauty And The Beast", we had purchased the photo in remembrance of our love for one another. Little did I know that it would literally describe our circumstances, our world of suffering. I was the beast and my wife was belle the beautiful maiden of uncompromisable faith and love. She could see into my heart, beyond the monster that stood before her. The photo was a remarkable epiphany! I came to a conclusion that would leave such a profound mark, a thought that gave me comfort and discourse all rolled into one picture. That moment gave me understanding that Gods love is much deeper than our limitations, our lives. I needed to understand that my wifes love was good enough for me and who I was and who I wasn't. I am loved just as I am, are you?! Do you feel that what you are and what you are not is sufficient for devotion? That you are loved no matter what you wish you could be or what you wish was not there. It is hard to imagine but love crosses boundaries way past the beast within. Remember you are precious and beyond your comprehension there is love, there is devotion

Tipping Point

2010-11-01T12:24:00.000-07:00

Did you know that eating whole foods can slim you down by a huge margin?!

Just imagine that your body has come to a drudging halt, slowly crawling along. Everyones body has tipping points, spiritually and physically. When our bodies begin to slow down and the energy fades away we start to see an avalanche of problems begin to rise. Clarity, mood management, weight gain and so much more. Changing your diet is quintessential in improving your overall health, choosing fancy short term diets and once a year exercise gimmicks will only prolong the tipping point. Choose today as your day to make a difference in your life and become a billboard of success!!

Help Your Body to Burn Fat Faster By Eating More Raw Food

Discontinued

2010-10-31T16:44:00.000-07:00

Just recently I decided to join all my existing blogs into one hybrid. As I was sitting in front of the computer I noticed the title "discontinued" I typed it earlier that day and was just too tired to muster up any creativity to provide a decent title, therefor the word "discontinued" came to mind. Later this morning I sat in front of the computer thinking of that very word. It struck a chord, it spoke to me! I wasn't sure exactly what, but it did. As I began to write this post it became clear as to why. When my stroke had initially occurred my wife and I felt truly numb from all the pain and shock. We were desperately seeking for friends to comfort us and let us know that things would be alright. Much to my surprise, people became distant and the harder we cried out for comfort the quicker people turned away. Kindness is a true gift and it is something that is longed for when it is seldom seen. I remember a story from a movie, one that reaches into the depths of my heart and it correlates to this very situation. The Man In The Iron Mask was a unique story in many ways, the premise is laid out as this "The cruel King Louis XIV of France has a secret twin brother who he keeps imprisoned. Can the twin be substituted for the real king" The king feared being replaced by his twin only because he was such a cruel king.
When I survived my stroke I felt I was imprisoned by a mask, a mask for which I did not desire or wish to carry by any means. I felt imprisoned by this unflattering beast that held my face under lock and key. No matter what I did or how I begged for mercy from friends and church people I was left in a prison of misunderstanding and shame. No one had the key but the king and I was alive and in need of compassion. I was a prisoner of circumstance not of choice! So here I am under a mask of pain, trying to let others who are imprisoned know that they can have hope and know they are only as free as what their minds will allow. No king or countrymen can captivate the mind with bars or metal masks of injustice. I am here and I accept who I am and what I am and Gods love goes beyond the metal masks and the bars of life. I am free because I choose hope and the grace of God will carry me onward! People hide in bubbles, whether it be in religion, class, social acceptance, peer pressure etc. Pain has a funny way of stripping all that away and for that I am thankful. I am seeing for the first time what true friendship is about and what real love does.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Tears In The Rain

2010-10-31T01:20:00.000-07:00

Often when we suffer tragedy we become initially numb. We try to survive the rubble, the pain and then the hero's journey begins! We all make choices to either let our suffering become us or we become something beautiful, something that is more than tears in the rain

Where Pigs Lay

2010-10-28T23:26:00.000-07:00

There I was standing outside under the dark clouds of winters smile. I could see that this was going to be tough, well more than tough. I grabbed my water jug belt and my flashlight head band and with a arm reflector I was on my way. I never felt so insecure, the winds didn't look favourable and the weather had this slight grin, almost like a bully meeting you in a playground. Inevitably there was going to be a confrontation but I didn't care. I was determined and my heart was filled to the top with excitement. Today I was going to beat the elements of weather and most of all beat the mental battle that laid ahead. All morning I had struggled with my mental aquity, my body was just not getting the big picture so I needed to draw it out all over again. I needed to get out of the self pity mud pile and accomplish something worth being proud of, so I put on my jogging clothes and headed for the door. As I began my run I felt the stroke symptoms start to melt like wax, slowly bending into the rhythm of each stride taken. Not long after I accomplished my first few miles, my right leg decided it was time to discuss the crazy notion of long distance running. The pain shot through my entire body for some period of time. I decided it was time to rest for a moment and collect my thoughts, my prayers, my goal. I looked up into the dark sky above and then gently rubbed my leg, it was time to commit or just back down. Well I decided at that point to try even harder, I don't really know why I am so stubborn when it comes to giving in. Maybe it was the way my mom raised me or the way that I knew that God was bigger than my present trial. Since the obstacles before me looked ominous I felt the need to pursue it even more, with passion! The road twisted and turned and the noisy cars fell behind me in silence. I took the time to pray in my head and dream of all the things that God could do in me and in others. I was dreaming a beautiful dream, it was like smelling lavender. It was so precious, so wonderful! After an hour of running the clouds decided to join and the rain began to dance across my lips, all around my face with little reminders of the season that stood before me. The darkness slowly invaded my journey and I was left to a tiny light and the sound of my feet pounding the concrete. This was one of those moments that you never forget, like your mothers warm gentle hugs or a lovers kiss. Except this moment was covered in loneliness, tainted with a silent fear. Everything was dark and I was on my own, I needed to accomplish this run. It was more about the darkness than anything else, the subtle feeling of what a stroke feels like. Out on your own, in the middle of nowhere trying to find reality. I was looking for my way back home. There was a deep feeling of concern so I stopped and prayed for some courage and to realize that God is with me no matter what. Suddenly the run became a mental battle over silence, over fear of abandonment. As I approached my destination I receive a phone call from my wife and the words were so comforting. The encouragement was profound, though I could not speak properly she understood that I was coming home. With my speech in my pocket and hope in my heart I made it home. I slumped at the door whispering these words "I made it, I made it, I did it"
I wiped away the tears and felt a gentle hug from my wife. It warmed my body with a sense of joy and triumph!
I was not going to let my circumstances define me, hold me captive..

Now if I lay in the mud of my own self pity

the only thing I will gain

obtain

is a company of pigs

but if I rise above

and soar among the clouds

filled with heavens glory

I will sing among angels

I will taste victory

I will breathe the peace

that passes all understanding

and there will I know

that God is the lifter of my soul

my countenance

the power that can roll any stone

make any darkness fade

He is the resurrection of my hope

By EVK

The Beauty And The Beast

2010-10-28T22:18:00.000-07:00

Sudden pulsing and twitching throbbed through my entire body, everything was in complete hysteria. It was as though someone had entered my body and began playing with my mind, there was no control only sudden fear. I watched myself begin to shake as everything became blurry, my head was shaking so hard that the world abruptly changed from sharp crisp images into a haze of uncertainty. I had just experienced my first seizure, my legs were throbbing from the pain and my arms were bruised from the piercing jolts of sudden movements. I slowly rolled over onto my stomach only to feel nauseous from the intense battle for normality, for peace. As I stood up I felt as though I had just been in a fight with someone I could not see or feel. I felt helpless and afraid but I knew right there and then that this was the stroke. The damage to my brain was beginning to surface in ways that I did not imagine. I was starting a whole new journey, a journey with another barrier begging me for defeat. I got on my knees and just asked God one thing " Can you hold me?" Hold my body in the midst of a trembling soul. I needed to just hear the heartbeat of Gods love and grace, His dedicated love. I know that when things become suddenly cloudy we often panic, we fear the unknown. It is in our very nature to want clarity! I just rested in silence wanting to hear my heart calm down, to hear my breathe speak softly. As I contemplated my future I remembered my past and all the wonderful memories I had of my healthy body. I could run where ever I choose, there was no worries just freedom. I felt there was a beast that laid within, a monster who wanted to break out of this fragile body but to no avail. Surprisingly as I walked through my hallway I noticed a picture that was worth more than a thousand words, more than tears mixed with pain. It was a picture of the movie "Beauty And The Beast", we had purchased the photo in remembrance of our love for one another. Little did I know that it would literally describe our circumstances, our world of suffering. I was the beast and my wife was belle the beautiful maiden of uncompromisable faith and love. She could see into my heart, beyond the monster that stood before her. The photo was a remarkable epiphany! I came to a conclusion that would leave such a profound mark, a thought that gave me comfort and discourse all rolled into one picture. That moment gave me understanding that Gods love is much deeper than our limitations, our lives. I needed to understand that my wifes love was good enough for me and who I was and who I wasn't. I am loved just as I am, are you?! Do you feel that what you are and what you are not is sufficient for devotion? That you are loved no matter what you wish you could be or what you wish was not there. It is hard to imagine but love crosses boundaries way past the beast within. Remember you are precious and beyond your comprehension there is love, there is devotion

Success

2010-10-21T14:52:00.000-07:00

You

2010-10-17T12:58:00.000-07:00

Captured

2010-10-17T11:34:00.000-07:00

Did you know smiles are free
some people look like they had to pay a big price for it
and others look like they found a treasure worth believing in

By EVK

Mercy Stands

2010-10-15T22:56:00.000-07:00

Just Because

2010-10-13T10:42:00.000-07:00

I want my dreams to rise above imaginations

and mere warm feelings of hopefulness

I want to ride the impossible and become what I was meant to be

what I believe is my hearts desire

to overcome

Being alive is more than breathing or working

it is pursuing dreams and making them a reality!!

See truth for what it is

2010-10-10T11:27:00.000-07:00

Because I Pray

2010-10-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

Quotes

2010-09-30T11:00:00.000-07:00

Treasure

2010-09-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

Looking For Change

2010-09-27T07:32:00.000-07:00

Way Of The Dove

Why So Hard

No Guts No Glory

Those little moments

Hunger

The Rest Of Your Life

Backbone

Toy Traders Giveaway Winner

For oh but one

Toy Traders Giveaway

A note to a dear friend.

Words Of Change

Me and Crabmagoo

From storm to storm what shall we be

Why I must

So Shall It Be

You are mine

Common Grounds

From the mundane to the spectacular

Imagine, dream, reach and believe!

Until it's Gone

Learning To Ride..

Suicide isn't the answer

When She Cries

Reach

One Night

The Bird Who Knew Too Little

Hell and High Water

Still Waters

Am I a bush or a tree?

To Thine Own Self Be True

The Light of Hope

Dream a little dream

Map for Way Of The Dove Run

Take it or leave it

Shifting Sands

Fearless Wonder

Am I what I think of me?

Coast is clear

When life hands you lemons..

I will....

Your Love Carried Me

Jump Rope For Heart

Punching the clock

Through The Fire

Friends From A Different Time

Words Of Hope

Above all else remember that every moment is held by a single decision. You choose either to be above your fears or below. I choose above!By EvK

The Moments in Between

Beyond Words....Honor Still Stands

Give it your all

Liar Liar

Broken Lines

When Hope Whispers Victory Shouts

Before I met You

Call To Me

Believe

The Blind Side

Dear Mr Santa

Anger and Peace

It's a wonderful life

Crabs in a bucket

Say the word

100 fliers and a dream please!

Once upon a smile

Dust in the wind

Promo video

What Moves Me Will Make Me Stronger

Will I

The World and I

Oasis...

On your mark, get set, GO!!!!

Why So Negative?!

Signs Signs Everywhere A Sign

If somehow in life you are feeling hopeless

and helpless

brought to tears by a world of unkindness

then certainly you have not seen

the profound wonders of Gods amazing grace

His marvelous love that He has fashioned upon your beautiful soul

Above all else remember that every moment is held by a single decision. You choose either to be above your fears or below. I choose above!

By EvK

Did you know smiles are free
some people look like they had to pay a big price for it
and others look like they found a treasure worth believing in