Liar Liar

As I approached the restaurant my mind was filled with excitement and joy! There I was standing in front of two great big doors and I leaned forward and pulled them open. Though my hands were shaking slightly from the stroke I knew that this moment was mine, not the stroke. I was going to show my wife that she was the best woman in town and I had it all planned out, well almost....
    
     The moment was beautiful and her eyes were literally glistening with joy and love. My wife was more than just my roommate, my friend or what have you, she was the other half of my smile; the laughter that I once knew.  She taught me how to survive at sorrows reef, there was no denying that we were meant for each other. You see love is deeper than a few letters and a post card, more than a kiss and a gentle touch. Love is something that burns in the deepest part of you when everything else feels cold. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.. Love is


     Anyways there I was sitting across from my wife completely enamored by her excitement and her smile. I felt this was the right time to give her the "Wham-OH statement" you know the "Home run" comment. I was supposed to say "You have the most beautiful eyes" or "You are the most amazing person" something, anything near those lines would have been just great!!! Instead my brain turned into "Liar Liar - Movie with Jim Carey"  My mouth was open and I was sure that I said something profound but my stroke decided otherwise. I began with "You have the nicest .......pause" Just then a beautiful woman walked by and I said " A$$" From that point my ears suddenly became numb and my lips felt like I had just sucked on a cactus. I griped the table ever so slightly, though I possibly left permanent fingerprints on the finish. Never the less, my stroke came to the rescue by saying something completely stupid and random. I looked at my wife and I am sure my facial expression was similar to a dear in headlights. She gracefully looked down and then made a comment that made me laugh. 
     
     Every once and awhile my brain thinks things and my mouth just says it! When I had my stroke I suddenly have become this character that Jim Carey portrayed in his movie. How is this possible?! What can I do?! Well from that point onward there were many awkward moments and so many of which i wish i could forget but life is just that. Sometimes there are moments that we wish we could take back but they can't be undone. My wife taught me to learn to laugh and just move on, to not let those circumstances bog me down. Lift my head and look at the rainbows, for though the storm has passed there are always moments of wonder that will come. 

Call To Me

     The wind begins to howl and the trees begin to bend, under the sudden travailing force. The pleasant and serene beauty of children playing and people laughing cracks like glass under the force of a unknown hammer. The pieces fall to the ground all too quickly and yet the noise is held in complete silence like a silhouette captured  within a frame. My lips quiver and my eyes dart back and forth trying to grasp what is being done, what has just occurred. Peoples voices become muffled and there faces begin to melt into obscurity as my brain desperately seeks to find solitude. The light slowly dims as I crawl to a corner and breath ever so slowly, wishing to feel the soft touch of peace. As I look up in desperation I see a sudden flood of water pouring all around me. I quickly run towards a boat that I see in the distance, my heart is pounding and my body is drenched in fears and emotional thunderstorms. I hold onto the mast with every ounce of strength within my heart as the water rises with devastating destruction. Suddenly a hand reaches out and the waters calm and the rains fall silent. The sun begins to shine as the most beautiful rainbow pours out in an overwhelming radiance. I laid back in complete exhaustion and wonderment. The light seemed more beautiful when the sparkling blue skies danced with the ominous clouds in retreat. 

     I just survived my first blow out, a mental overload. Since the stroke literally destroyed my ability to cope with stress I am left with this experience on a weekly bases. This is my world but what may surprise you is this, I look forward to my rainbow; the stunning colours of freedom and hope. When my mind begins to recuperate its senses I take a deep breath and say "one day at a time" I look around me and give myself a pep talk and say " Ernie you can do this, you can survive this!" I am alive and I have the freedom to walk again and talk again.

     It is so often the case that when we loose something precious we suddenly become aware, understanding that something valuable is gone; there is a void of some sort or another. What I have to say is simple and hopefully encouraging to you, there is always a way through the storm. No matter how hard or how long it may go, eventually it will fade away. The sun will shine again! Whatever is facing you today may seem like an insurmountable task but know this. There is someone who is greater than you, someone who is more profound and deeper than all your worries. The author of rainbows and sunshines, the God who can still any storm at anytime. If I had not felt the storm I would not embrace the calm.

Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer you, 

and will tell you great 

and hidden things that you have not known.