Until it's Gone

     I don't know really why but as I was washing the dishes this afternoon I became reflective in a small sort of way, you know how it is when you do something mundane and your mind travels to another location or possibly to another memory from days gone by. As you work through a field of memories digging out the rocks and planting new dreams and new hopes you come to this amazing discovery. When life hands you a major storm and all your crops and all your flowers are ruined you realize that you don't know how good things are until they are gone. The field that you once grumbled over and the garden that had its continuous weeds that gave you unending angst are simply a pain of the past. Now you wish for the flowers, the crops that yielded you some joy and satisfaction. You wondered why such trivial issues really caused you frustration, why you didn't smell the roses or simply laugh and enjoy each day for what it was worth.
     That was my reflection in a small sort of way, I was always a thankful person for the most part but when I was younger I was often discontent and sad. It wasn't the greatest time of my life, in fact I believe it was a dark dark time for me. Here I am post stroke and I am fully aware that I survived a devastating storm and yes it ruined most of my crops and beautiful gardens, my memories, my history in some strange sort of way but I am a new person now; I am a survivor and even more so a conqueror! I had to till the entire field of my dreams and hopes and for that I have become much stronger and wiser. I personally will probably never say "Thank you" to my stroke for making me this way, only because I'm not giving it the satisfaction. I'm stubborn that way! I am who I am because God gave me the strength to survive with a joyful heart. I didn't know until this very day that I had overcome so much, that I had ran the distance and made my mark! I have a new field of dreams and I will carry on and maybe just maybe another storm will come but I know where my hope lies. I have my plow ready and I am anxiously waiting for what will grow. So be strong and courageous, know that what you have is an opportunity to become something more than just shattered. You have a remarkable chance to find out how deep your strength really is, how precious your courage really is and really so much more! 

To The Plow

Photography by Ursula Kowcun


Now I know that this blog is solely dedicated to my written works of poetry but sometimes it is good to reach outside the box. I made a comment about plowing and I felt it was worthy of thought. When we go through tragic moments in our lives, we hope that we can survive. We want to rise above our circumstances, become resolute. When weathering through our difficult and sometimes lonely situations we forget the deep seated pain that hides underneath. It is only when be begin to dig and plow through our emotional baggage that we find resolve. Ever since I committed to writing a autobiography book I began to find a new world of buried rocks. Thoughts and feelings left to breathe among the dark walls of pain. If I want my life to be fertile and productive I need to dig deep and carry away the rocks of shame, hurt and abandonment. I want a garden of new beginnings! I want to burst out with a life of faith, hope and love!