Monday, June 27, 2011

Learning To Ride..

     Have you ever hummed words to a song, something that just tingles your mind and brings about some sweet memory from days gone by? I love that part of my life in fact I must have loved it so much that during my initial recovery I would just blurt out the craziest stuff. You see my brain had the wackiest idea that if you think it, then just say it! I mean I would be at the store picking up whatever foods and suddenly a song would enter my brain and then BAM I was doing it karaoke style. I would sometimes shout "Take a chance on me" by abba or " We are the champions" by Queen. Well that wasn't the least of my problems, when a beautiful woman would walk by I would say "wow, she is beautiful" I mean I felt so embarrassed. In fact this often would happen in front of my wife. The tears, the humiliation and so much more, I couldn't believe my mind! If it entered my head I would go and do it! So what could I do with such a dilemma?! How would I handle such a situation? On almost any given day I wanted to cringe and hide in a dark corner. I really thought that I was reliving my teen years all over again. By the way they were NOT pleasant to say the least, I was uber nerdy, awkward and well anything that could have gone wrong...just did!
     Of course I am telling you this story from the other side of a frown! I am smiling as I am typing this message because my wife taught me to just laugh with it. At first my wife and I both felt awkward and I felt humiliated but then it just came down to learning to be happy no matter what. I had to learn how to hum again, learn how to sing a song in my head and try to hold back thoughts and actions that were just not appropriate. I remember when my daughter was learning how to ride a bike, she needed help with removing the training wheels and then having me run behind her. She would often fall and scream in frustration or cry with pain. I told her that she just needs to shake it off and keep trying until she beat this challenge. You know what, she did and not only that she could ride her bike with no hands (for a brief moment) So the outcome is worth the pain sometimes. Here I am learning to ride a bike again, learning how to do all the simple things in life but why should that get me down?! Why should I let it break me?! This is my time to learn how to shake things off and become stronger, become wiser and full of joy and laughter when I have conquered this moment! Someday soon I am going to lift my hands and ride with a complete sense of freedom. Oh what a day that will be but until then I am going to keep on  keeping on! 

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