Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Once upon a smile

They say that a smile is worth a thousand words or was that the painting?! Either way, the truth is still the same. Your smile says a lot, sometimes more than you know. It lets others know that you care or that you agree with what they say, maybe even show a slight amount of support in words that you have just spoken. A myriad of silent words! After the stroke for a brief time my smile was crooked, it felt like someone had given me anesthesia. It was surreal! I wanted to slap myself, hoping that suddenly I would wake up from this horrible nightmare. I would walk over to the mirror and look at my face and just study the difficulties. I closed my eyes and imagined my mother laughing and my children smiling at me. This smile that I had used over the years, the simple expression of love and kindness was suddenly tired and broken. There is hope in this story, something of true value; I have my smile again and the value of that gift will never be forgotten. I will wear it with a proud heart and when people become angry or hateful, I will remember that I have something that is worth more than gold. I found my smile, my hope! When I took care of stroke survivors in the hospital as a rehab assistant, I used to say "Smiles are free, so enjoy it while you can". I never knew how much that was true until I became like them! I am a proud supporter of living life as a gift. One that God gave with a joyful heart!! So remember, a smile is free but sometimes you have to fight for it....
Smiles are a valley of hope with a mountain of praise
they speak in silence
such words
without sound
they say
my life is short
my days have I once
so cherish will I 
every moment
every ounce
cast away your frowns
all kingdoms and crowns
in the land of worry and rot

                                      By EVK

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Dust in the wind

A sudden thump, a heavy blow to the shoulder as I slid to the floor. I looked up with complete shock, wondering what just happened. As I lay on the concrete I can see the light above me, the burning incandescent bulb. Shocked by the sudden weakness in my body I lay there stunned, horrified at the waves of pain shooting through my legs. I roll back and forth on the floor trying to catch my breath when the messages begin to fade into oblivion. I wipe my forehead and slowly get onto my knees, crawling towards the couch nearby. My thoughts go racing, wondering how in the world did I get here?! Why am I in such pain? The list goes on and I am left in a whirlwind of unanswered thoughts. Maybe not knowing all the answers to questions is a good thing! Sometimes it is better left unsaid. We often learn more in the silence then in the company of empty words.
     The pain shoots through my entire body at times and at other times it just picks a spot to keep warm I guess. That is okay, I have learned to swing with the punches. You just adapt and face life with a smile, look at the things that make you laugh! It is not easy at times but it is worth its wait in gold. A farmer in the old days would be confident in his ability to survive only because his well was deep enough to provide life. The deeper the well the better chance for survival! At least in the hotter climates that is. So hear I am approaching Christmas slowly and I feel like a deeper man. What I mean by that is this, I have changed for the good. My vision, my perception of things are drastically different. I hear people complain about bills and about traffic and whatever else that fades with time. Why not look beyond the little things? Turn your head away from insults and complaining and you will become something tangible. Something appreciated, something sought after! You will become someones sunshine, a breath of fresh air not a bag of wind. Look past the momentary issues and enjoy every moment. Live your days with love and kindness and learn to laugh!!
Be The Hope, Live The Change!!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Promo video

I recently finished the promo video for Way Of The Dove. I have stepped out of my comfort zone in order to get the word out on the big run on April 24th 2011. I am truly excited because my passion super exceeds my fear for failure. The simple "What ifs" that all of us come up with when we reach for goals. So here I am making cover letters and speaking to all the local companies in my area. Not being afraid of peoples responses or lack thereof. My skin is getting thicker and my heart is getting stronger! When you step out of your bubble you begin to grow wiser and learn quickly from your mistakes. I am proud to fight for every step that I take and I hope I can encourage hundreds more to do so as well.
April 24th 2011 promo

What Moves Me Will Make Me Stronger

Now as a child I read a story of a man with long hair who could fight off hundreds of men with a jawbone. He could tear off the doors of a city and think nothing of it! His name was Samson and as a child I would imagine myself having that kind of strength, wanting to be that kind of person. As a child I saw only one thing, the strength of a man which I thought brought respect. As I grew up I noticed that it isn't in the strength that we gain respect but in our abilities to overcome our challenges, our fears; all the while being honorable! Samson eventually lost his strength not because of his loss of hair but because of his lack of care in wanting to please God.The very one who gave him his abilities, the one who made him who he truly was. Sometimes we loose our direction and loose our strength. We become lost in broken promises and self centered behavior. I want to stay focused and remember who I am, despite my suffering. It is so easy to fade into a world of complacency, living only for yourself. Take some time and learn to look outside yourself and be the man or woman that God has called you to. Sometimes people can deceive us and then it hurts us deep inside but really what is of more offence than lying to yourself?

"To thine own self be true"
How far will you go to find the truth? To live a life of honor and respect, to be truthful to yourself and God. You have the opportunity to leave a legacy of hope and change. To live a life of profound impact! Sometimes we need to stand between the pillars of apathy and change the world. Be courageous and live a life of "No Compromise"

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Will I

Now in life we face all kinds of challenges, some are great and some are small. For each person it varies depending on how they respond to the challenge! There could be 10 people with the same problem but not the same reaction. For instance, a job loss or poverty. The reaction goes through a wide spectrum depending on how a person views themselves and their surroundings. Even a persons faith or lack thereof. All these things can leave a heavy influence on the final way we react to our circumstances. When I was in grade 3 we would have mathematical tests on the fly (surprise quiz). I would literally begin to have difficulty with my breathing and I would have instant asthma attacks. The problem was so invasive that I had to lay down in a room for over an hour to recover. This problem pursued me until grade 5!  A wonderful teacher noticed the situation and decided to teach me every day. Patiently he taught me my times table and next thing you knew I was one of the fastest kids in class (mathematics).
     So my simple question to you is do you wish to be someone who wants to face the giants in your own life and overcome or do you want to be overwhelmed by fears? Sometimes we need a little shove. When I started to believe in my own ideas and dreams I began to take bigger and bigger steps. Confidence!! When my grade 5 teacher helped me to overcome my fears I began to take great leaps of faith in my abilities to problem solve. Face the giant and watch him fall!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The World and I

Today I spoke with a dear friend and I truly loved the conversation! Everything about it was lovely and encouraging. She spoke of her latest accomplishments for which I was truly overjoyed. Her name is Ursula and she told me of her recent running challenge. She described the profound feelings of wonder and self worth in accomplishing something that she felt was worth the prize. The amazement came from the fact that she overcame a limitation, reaching for something beautiful; something beyond words. Confidence that grew with every step that she took. In passing she told me how I had inspired her to run. I was excited not for the fact that she complimented me but because I could hear her dreams flying into the great unknown. She was standing at the edge of the world looking in!
     When I pursued greater and greater distances, my mind would dream greater and greater possibilities. If we don't try then we will never know, we will never explore the lands of wonder. A poet can never become mysterious and profound if he or she does not dare to look beyond themselves. An athlete can only be as great as the hardest challenge that is pursued. I am at the edge and this world  that I see, will begin to change.... I will not let go until it does! So look ahead and see beyond your inabilities and press forward. Be diligent and maybe your wings will grow!!! Look all around you and take notice, people who push their own boundaries become stronger. Wisdom welcomes them if they wish. Diligence is a character worth chasing and wisdom, the warmth in lonely pursuit. Be courageous and live bold!!!

May God bless you...

Friday, November 19, 2010


Crawling on my knees underneath the piercing sunlight, I slump forward exhausted from dehydration. I look everywhere and sand is all I see! I am too weary and dehydrated to even cry, my lips are cracked and my throat is dry. I finally lay flat in the hot sand and reach forward with my blistering hands. Is that water I see?! Out in the middle of nowhere, palm trees and a beautiful waterfall splashing into a crystal clear stream of hope. With all my might I cry out and drag myself to the edges of this beautiful Oasis. As I lean over into the clear crystal waters, I dip my bloodied hands. The sudden surge of coolness and the refreshing taste of life brings me to clarity once again. As I look into my reflection I see a well worn man with bloodied lips from the sun and blisters from the heat. My face shocked me, the sun hat beaten me for days. I was its slave and it was my unrelenting master! Though completely flabbergasted by my own reflection I drank as much water as I could take. I slowly walked underneath the beautiful waterfall, washing all the sand from my body. It felt like eternity. Like a distant promise of hope. Suddenly the water became as sand and then.....
     Everything faded to black and I awoke. So drenched in my dream, I could have sworn it was reality. There I was laying on the couch in the middle of the night and my throat was dry from the sleeping pills that I had taken earlier that night. I slowly sat up and looked all around, making sure that I really wasn't dreaming anymore. I rubbed my face and tried to say a few words but only slurred and garbled sounds became of me. I was even more frustrated that my nightmare was more interesting than my reality. I realized at that very moment, my inner most fears were crying out. I was really terrified, my circumstance left me in a desert. I could hardly speak at times and my mind was crying out for some understanding. Looking for the Oasis in the middle of my broken dreams. I was desperately seeking for understanding, for hope and for love. Someone to tell me that I was going to be ok.
     Later that week I attempted my first practice run. The beginning of my dream to raise awareness for the sick and to pursue my new hope. To make a difference! During my few years of battling stroke symptoms I have learned to lean on the Oasis of my hope. I have also learned that where one dream dies another must grow!

John 4:14

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

On your mark, get set, GO!!!!

There I was trembling, looking over to the left and to the right. People lined up on either side, when suddenly BANG!!! I jumped from the starting line and I ran with my heart in my throat. As my hair flung backwards I pushed every step with sheer force. As I gained speed I could hardly feel the ground beneath me. My lungs filled with the fresh warm air of summer and the cheers of those on the sidelines. As I approached the 100 meter mark my asthma kicked into overdrive, quickly my chest began to tighten up. It felt as though someone handed me a straw and said "breathe through this!" My legs began to shake and my fingers became numb from the lack of oxygen. I refused to give up, I had dealt with this problem all my life and it wasn't going to get the best of me now. I pushed forward and I didn't care if it began to burn, I wanted this ribbon. I needed it for my own accomplishments. To look myself in the mirror and say "You did it because you didn't give up!" I approached the  end of the race and I won second place. Funny enough, that day changed my life!
      I ran the next year and won the long distance 800 meter twice. I outran everyone in my school and I ended up running in larger competitions for the entire city. As a grade 5 student that moved me. I never thought for one moment that a young man like myself, who suffered severe asthma could not compete. The simple reason was, I ignored people who said I couldn't do it. I pressed on! In fact I overcame my asthma for my training in my 37km run (Way Of The Dove Fundraiser)
Always look forward and onward!!

Why So Negative?!

There is a total of 365 days in a year and out of that total you can't stand Mondays. Now minus those 52 days and you are left with 313 days. Now from that 313 days you can't stand tuesdays because the week has barely begun and you are so far away from a weekend of relaxing. You now have to minus another 52 days (depending on leap year or not ,53 then) which brings you to a total of 261 days. Now Wednesdays are simply the middle of the week and you hate being stuck in the middle so you have to minus another 52 days of drudgery! You now have 209 days of pure joy but oh wait you still have Thursdays. Thursday is a wonderful day filled with thoughts of relaxing in the proverbial sun, the only problem is that you caught the flu and so you needed to recover. So lets minus another possible 9 days of illness out of the year. Your grand total is set at 200 days! Now if by chance you fall into the country song woes you have unfortunately lost your dog,wife,house and you have gained a wonderful lawyer by the name of Big Bill. You will most likely minus a solid 100 days. In the time you have gained composer and felt that you are feeling stellar because you found a dating online service that has said “Man you look good for your age, what is your credit card number?!” You are starting to feel good about yourself and you feel that you are beginning to put on your A game for dating. Early one morning you get a call from the bank telling you that your identity was stolen and that you now live in hong kong. You now have to deal with trying to prove that you have lived in your present city. The only problem was that you never really got along with that many people because of your negative behaviors.
With all that has transpired you minus a total of 135 days from your present holdings in the “positive jar) You are now standing at an awesome number which entails 65 days of pure luxurious joy. You are so excited! The sad truth is now you have no one to enjoy those few and precious moments. So my grand question is this, was being so negative really that important?! Now I am no mathematician by any huge manner but I think I have an idea what is worth investing in. My bet is on being positive whenever you can!
I wrote this in response to a friend of mine who asked at work one day "why are you so happy anyways?!"


Signs Signs Everywhere A Sign

There I was driving on the road trying to get from point A to point B, well in my case from point A to B to C to whatever else my confused mind would take me. When I had accomplished the tasks or errands that I had set to do I gladly began my return home. I could imagine the soft couch that I so dearly loved and the warm gentle flickering fire by my feet as I snuggled up to a wondrous movie that carried me away to a new and thrilling journey! All of this anticipation just waiting eagerly behind the simple curl of my lips, a sudden smile caught by the reflection of my window as I passed underneath the street lights. As I turned the corner I noticed a street sign, an oddity to say the least. The design had me perplexed, confused. It was as though I had just seen a new mathematical equation or I had just been asked the dreaded "If two trains were to leave at different times at different speeds who would arrive first" type of question. That was the look I had when I saw the sign; it made no sense, it gave me no clarity. I drove past in complete wonder. I thought to myself "how long has that sign been there?" and "what does it mean?"
     When I drove up the driveway a simple thought came to mind. What good is a sign if most likely, no one really knows what it means? I mean, a signs whole purpose is to warn you of something. If the sign is so complicated and confusing what purpose does it fill? What value does it really have? People will just drive past not really caring either way. In life there are many signs, some are simple to understand while others can leave us with our heads shaking. Here I am ready to run for a dream that is so close to reality that I can taste it, but there was a time when I couldn't understand anything. The signs where confusing and garbled, none of it had value to me. I was lost in a sea of confusion under a blanket of pain but somehow I survived and my brain fought to find understanding. Learning to live, learning to breathe. Sometimes in life we face moments of absolute uncertainty, we feel as though life maybe isn't the way we had hoped. When we are at our weakest, frail thoughts of insecurity begin to grow. They challenge our character, in those precious moments we will truly know how far the roots really are. You see a tree is only as good as the roots, the deeper it is the more sustainable. Now the greater question is this, where are your roots planted?

If somehow in life you are feeling hopeless

 and helpless

brought to tears by a world of unkindness

then certainly you have not seen

the profound wonders of Gods amazing grace

 His marvelous love that He has fashioned upon your beautiful soul

                                           By EVK

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Iron sharpens Iron

Without a good small circle of friends we often can loose our way. It seems almost silly to believe that but it is true! Friends can either inspire us or distract us from what or who we really are meant to be. With good friends even disagreements can produce some of the most amazing situations. Did you know that CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien met at a pub on a regular bases? They used to call themselves "The Inklings". They would often disagree with each other and challenge each other with philosophies and how they wrote stories. Each had their own way of writing and philosophical perspective. Yet still they talked with each other on a continual basis. They inspired each other to be greater than what they were. As iron sharpens iron, true friendship can improve ones life! Take the time to invest in people of good character and most likely you will attain character as well. Smart business men associate with successful business men. Why? Well because they want to be inspired and wish to learn how they think. I try to surround myself with people who believe in my dreams and who are confident in what I do. They encourage me to grow in a healthy direction! CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien wrote amazing literature and are known all over the world because they pushed each other to higher heights. So remember if you are around people who are negative or demeaning you will only loose the greatest gift given to mankind, imagination!
Choose your friends wisely and you will undoubtedly improve the world you live in and maybe you will make your own Narnia someday! I know I sure am.....

Friday, November 12, 2010

This dream has wings!!

When I was a child I dreamed of being able to play baseball. I watched my brothers hit the ball like it was going out of style, soaring in the wind like a bird reaching for freedom! I was amazed at the power that they had, the timing, everything. I wanted to be apart of that excitement! So when the game was over they would walk home and I would stay behind and practice. I would imagine the ball flying through the air like a rocket! Then when all the imagination was done I needed to hit that thing. I wanted to be apart of the dream. So I persisted until I did it, until I was able to hit that ball past the pitcher. Now recently I have experienced my first home run. I am not talking about baseball anymore but about dreams. Ones that we wish to become reality. I jogged and jogged until I literally put holes in my shoes, I wanted to be an inspiration to those who were suffering illnesses. I thought the best way to be an inspiration is to overcome something that seems almost impossible and then let others know there is hope. I ran for awareness, made videos, spoke to as many people as possible and gave my heart and soul into helping people. Suddenly things have gone from a possibility to a reality!! I am now looking at something that has taken flight, something that is bigger than myself. I now am seeing others believe in what I am dreaming of! In those precious moments big things can happen, not because I created it but because God orchestrated it. That means that there is an amazing intricate design for hope, for miracles. Much bigger than myself! I am walking on clouds because I am making a difference in this life and it couldn't have happened without faith, hope and love! Pursue your dreams with these three things and maybe just maybe you might see a miracle happen in the lives of those around you. It might just start with "I CAN, I WILL"
Never forget, you can make a difference no matter what your circumstance. It isn't a matter of what you have, but what you do with what you got!!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


No Limits!!

In life fear can hold the heart captive, in fact it can dry the mind. Your imaginations and dreams can easily become desolate! In fact fear has the ability to even leave many people lost in a world of broken thoughts, wishing they were not even alive. If we take the time to look around you can see there are people everywhere who are lost in fear and in worries. What is it that makes some live beyond those boundaries, those walls that many face with absolute trembling? I look at people who face overwhelming odds and for some reason they rise above, they captivate hope and crush fear and impossibilities at every turn. For some of us we become like little children lost in the moments; being disciplined by our fathers or mothers, we only see the chastisement not the benefits. We lose our focus and begin to slide down a slippery slope of “I want that!” or “why me?” We can't function because it becomes all about ourselves, our view suddenly shrinks smaller and smaller. Our characters are always tested by circumstances, by unforeseen events that we never planned or expected. All in all fear grips our hearts and we crumble. How can we turn these situations around, make something beautiful out of what we feel is hopeless? Well recently I watched a video of a young man who had no arms, no legs and he was an inspiration to many. The reason seems very obvious and worth the thought, he took something that could have made most people crumble under a weight of fear, anger and depression and made it beautiful! He believed he was worth something, he knew God had something planned for his life. He left all his baggage behind and looked forward and onward. Everyone takes notice when you overcome odds, when you rise above almost impossible circumstances. Now, are you someone who is captured by your worries or fears? Do you see an opportunity for inspiration or a wall of impossibilities? I am so proud of being more than just a worry in the wind! Don't let your situation tell you that your life is worthless or that it has no meaning. You are only as big as the dreams you carry!!
When my stroke caused my brain an insurmountable wall of challenges and fears I chose to embrace my limitations and become victorious! In my mind I had lost limbs, ways to acquire success and happiness. I viewed my situation and said “I need to rise above and make a difference!”
Be the difference that everyone so desperately desires and hopes for. Remember you are not alone!

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Lions Heart

 Be more than the broken words or the fearful thoughts that beg for your attention. Live a life worthy of praise. Look at some of the greatest people in history and see that they did what most wouldn't do... They simply chose to do it! Are you the tv or the one who changes the channels?! Words with if and or but can permeate the heart of failure.. The heart of a champion only sees 

 I CAN....

The Measure Of A Man

The measure of a man
is dictated by how well he lives in the moments he feels the weakest
not in the strengths he hides behind.


There in the absence of light there was silence. The walls of stone surrounded him and bandages wrapped his body still. Sometimes in our weaknesses we feel like sin surrounds our lives and we feel helpless in a tomb of shame. We long for the light of grace to free us, to give us hope and bring us to life. Just imagine when Jesus rose from the dead the pure joy he had! He was alive and He knew that God would be faithful even unto death. When I would run a great distance I would try to imagine the finish line. I would make every effort to think on those things when dealing with such physical challenges, I embraced the hope in order to accomplish the goal set before me. In fact there was more joy in running then there was in finishing races. I would become so excited and filled with such anticipation that I could hardly contain it. I believe that Christ was excited to come out of the grave and to show that his Father in heaven was a God of promise, because He is! I am excited to know such grace, such wonder. I am not surrounded by stone or by bandages of hopelessness but by a marker stone of triumph! My life was intended to be victorious, filled with wonder and promise. While many may choose to sit in a tomb of confusion or complacency I choose to walk among the living. Christ rose from the dead so we could be alive! So my great question is this, do you live as though you have been freed from a tomb of despair?! I will take this sickness that I face and leave it in the tomb and I will walk with Jesus wherever he goes, because with him there is only life!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Ignorance, Sugar and Pain

When I initially suffered my stroke four years ago I thought that this would be one of the hardest battles that I would ever face, little did I know what truly laid ahead. In most cases people who suffer illness struggle with the shock of dreams dissipating, their world has changed and the laws that govern it have completely been removed. A matrix of questions and rules governed by pain, a fundamental shift. Now I wish to talk to you about something that is even more difficult than this proverbial “thorn in my side” situation. I never knew that humans were so desperate to place one another in small tight boxes, little cubbyholes of understanding. For instance when we meet people for the first time we ask them about their name, their job and what they believe or what is their passions in life. We want to know whether or not they can fit into our world, into our way of comfort-ability. In the four years of surviving my stroke I have never seen so much more of this behavior than now. When I stepped away from attending church it was a two folded issue. Not one that I wished had occurred, but sadly it did. People kept pushing their ideas as to why I was where I was. It felt bizarre at times and yet painfully sad at other times. People would say things like “God is trying to make you understand something and until that changes you are in this situation” while others would even go as far as to say “Maybe you are afflicted with demonic issues and that is why you can't handle being at church?!” The list goes on...
Then there was the strange feeling of being expected to attend church so God could heal me. People began to assume things and push agendas for their own sake so I could once again fit into the box that they had drawn me in. Since I wasn't attending church because my brain could not handle it people just faded away. Instead of comforting me during this tragic circumstance and just simply being a friend they wanted to make sure I attended on time and wanted to see God heal me so they could learn to trust in God more. I think many christians have the cart before the horse. When job went through his brutally tough time he learned that God is who he is not because of mans assumptions but because of His character! The flaws of his close friends were the guilt of assumption, ignorance. They spoke on behalf of God, assuming they knew what was correct and that they judged job without knowledge. Job's friends felt that they knew what was wrong and thought they could fix the situation. God only knew and the purpose that He had laid out was for His glory! Simply the truth was to trust and obey. Such a simple phrase and yet we all stand so far from this statement. Jesus lived the life of trusting and obeying, he exuded that faith, that desire to please his father. In fact Jesus healed many people where they were, he came to them. Jesus reached out and ignored the presumptions and judgments of others, in fact he healed people on the sabbath (a holy day) While the rest of us were in churches he was busy reaching out. Would we have judged him unfairly?
I am alive in Christ Jesus and my hope is in Gods amazing grace not because I am afraid of life or the possibility of prayers unanswered. God is faithful and just and like job I will praise him even when my circumstances say otherwise. He will restore unto me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me. I want to be real wherever I go and I want people to know Gods unfailing mercy and love. God will roll the stone away...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

When We See

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Under Dark Clouds

There I was standing outside under the dark clouds of winters smile. I could see that this was going to be tough, well more than tough. I grabbed my water jug belt and my flashlight head band and with a arm reflector I was on my way. I never felt so insecure, the winds didn't look favourable and the weather had this slight grin, almost like a bully meeting you in a playground. Inevitably there was going to be a confrontation but I didn't care. I was determined and my heart was filled to the top with excitement. Today I was going to beat the elements of weather and most of all beat the mental battle that laid ahead. All morning I had struggled with my mental aquity, my body was just not getting the big picture so I needed to draw it out all over again. I needed to get out of the self pity mud pile and accomplish something worth being proud of, so I put on my jogging clothes and headed for the door. As I began my run I felt the stroke symptoms start to melt like wax, slowly bending into the rhythm of each stride taken. Not long after I accomplished my first few miles, my right leg decided it was time to discuss the crazy notion of long distance running. The pain shot through my entire body for some period of time. I decided it was time to rest for a moment and collect my thoughts, my prayers, my goal. I looked up into the dark sky above and then gently rubbed my leg, it was time to commit or just back down. Well I decided at that point to try even harder, I don't really know why I am so stubborn when it comes to giving in. Maybe it was the way my mom raised me or the way that I knew that God was bigger than my present trial.
     Since the obstacles before me looked ominous I felt the need to pursue it even more, with passion! The road twisted and turned and the noisy cars fell behind me in silence. I took the time to pray in my head and dream of all the things that God could do in me and in others. I was dreaming a beautiful dream, it was like smelling lavender. It was so precious, so wonderful! After an hour of running the clouds decided to join and the rain began to dance across my lips, all around my face with little reminders of the season that stood before me. The darkness slowly invaded my journey and I was left to a tiny light and the sound of my feet pounding the concrete. This was one of those moments that you never forget, like your mothers warm gentle hugs or a lovers kiss. Except this moment was covered in loneliness, tainted with a silent fear. Everything was dark and I was on my own, I needed to accomplish this run. It was more about the darkness than anything else, the subtle feeling of what a stroke feels like. Out on your own, in the middle of nowhere trying to find reality. I was looking for my way back home. There was a deep feeling of concern so I stopped and prayed for some courage and to realize that God is with me no matter what. Suddenly the run became a mental battle over silence, over fear of abandonment. As I approached my destination I receive a phone call from my wife and the words were so comforting. The encouragement was profound, though I could not speak properly she understood that I was coming home. With my speech in my pocket and hope in my heart I made it home. I slumped at the door whispering these words "I made it, I made it, I did it"
I wiped away the tears and felt a gentle hug from my wife. It warmed my body with a sense of joy and triumph!
I was not going to let my circumstances define me, hold me captive..

Now if I lay in the mud of my own self pity
the only thing I will gain
is a company of pigs
but if I rise above
and soar among the clouds
filled with heavens glory
I will sing among angels
I will taste victory
I will breathe the peace
that passes all understanding
and there will I know
that God is the lifter of my soul
my countenance
the power that can roll any stone
make any darkness fade
He is the resurrection of my hope


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

52 Jobs in 52 weeks

Now for most of us, trying to find a job can be difficult. There is no simple way of looking at it. There can be so many factors in trying to find something that is fulfilling. We all want to make good money but it seems for the most part we want to be happy at what we do. I mean, we wake up and go to work 5 to 7 days a week. You want to invest in a job where you are appreciated and that you feel you make a difference. You can make all the money in the world but if there isn't passion in what you do then it becomes at times painfully bland and empty. We all want to be loved, desired and most definitely appreciated. As a teenager I worked with my father, not because I wanted to but because I had to! When it became a demand and not a choice, suddenly everything started to fade into obligations. I didn't feel free, I felt captured by expectations. The box slowly became smaller and smaller. When I left home to pursue my dreams, I felt a weight slowly lifting. I was chasing something that I wanted and that I felt had value. I wanted to make a difference in my life, leave an impact. I had big dreams and big hopes. When we leave the cage of our own circumstances we learn to fly, we become stronger and more courageous. I just placed my fears behind me and began to go forward. Since that time I have become more and more fearless. In fact when the stroke hit me at such a young age I just looked ahead and said to myself "one step at a time" Well I have taken thousands of steps and my dreams are so much closer than when I first believed. Are you willing to lay your fears to rest?!

That Wasn't a Duck Was it?!

     Long long ago in a galaxy far far away.... Light sabers were swinging in the cold stilted air, The buzzing sound of laser rifles humming as they quickly fired bright coloured piercing sounds of death. Metal androids exploding, ripping metal zipping past humans as the battle for good became fiercely drawn by bodies strewn in chaos. With all my might I screamed in silence as I watched the dreaded Lord Vader throwing countless bodies aside as if they were dolls. All that stood between me and him was a metal bridge. Lord Vader approached me with his light saber firmly planted into the ground as if he were drawing words in the sand as he walked closer and closer. I felt the dark side of the force reaching for my neck when all of a sudden I hear....... “Hello there, hi cutie, do you have a name?”
It was 11:03am and I was working with my dad in the middle of summer like I had for the past couple of years. Everything seemed so repetitive that my mind would wander into other worlds and play with the possibility of being a hero or living the dream of some movie I had recently seen. I could hardly focus on work not because I was ungrateful or bratty by any means, it was just that I had a mind that wanted to imagine, to go past the walls of my low self esteem. Here I was working in a college dorm full of woman and I was imagining another world beyond our galaxy. When I heard that call from two stories up it abruptly woke me from my daydreaming. It was like a sudden splash of cold water! Usually I heard my dad calling me in his thick German accent which sounded like a volvo starting in the cold freezing winter. Anyways this beautiful blonde girl looked down from the heavens above, ok it wasn't the heavens but she sure did look like an angel to me. She leaned out the window and waved at me and I was completely shocked. My mind began to race, my heart began to pound. My brain was climbing a mountain of words to say. Should I say Hello or Hi? No, no that won't work maybe something like “hey, you are so beautiful that I can't believe you are speaking to me!” NO, that is even worse, what about “hey, look at my muscles!” Ahhh that is even worse, since I didn't have any to show I was stuck in stupid land and I just stared at her. Ok that is enough, you need to seriously say something like “ Wow, this building has nice bricks and my shoes are really made of genuine Saskatchewan seal skin bindings!” I was lost, I just wanted to get back to daydreaming and let Lord Vader slice me in half with his Light saber. I was dead in the water and I had no troops to get me out of trouble. Then by a sudden miraculous power within me I mustered the strength to speak. It was going to be profound, I was going to make things happen. Watch out ladies here I come! I opened my mouth and I said “Hi” but for some reason it didn't sound like a normal word. The pathway from my brain to my lips had somehow decided to visit Hungary, maybe even Zimbabwe! Either way “Hi” sounded like a pregnant duck and everything became suddenly silent. I am sure in that moment I heard opera singers laughing in the distance! What had happened?! I just had a beautiful person say “Hello” and I was teaching her the ways of “Idiot man” Yes, I was very fluent in this language it seems but only when I was around women... From that point on I never really was fond of ducks, well the quacking part at least! ;)

Monday, November 1, 2010

The Beauty And The Beast

The Beauty And The Beast

Sudden pulsing and twitching throbbed through my entire body, everything was in complete hysteria. It was as though someone had entered my body and began playing with my mind, there was no control only sudden fear. I watched myself begin to shake as everything became blurry, my head was shaking so hard that the world abruptly changed from sharp crisp images into a haze of uncertainty. I had just experienced my first seizure, my legs were throbbing from the pain and my arms were bruised from the piercing jolts of sudden movements. I slowly rolled over onto my stomach only to feel nauseous from the intense battle for normality, for peace. As I stood up I felt as though I had just been in a fight with someone I could not see or feel. I felt helpless and afraid but I knew right there and then that this was the stroke. The damage to my brain was beginning to surface in ways that I did not imagine. I was starting a whole new journey, a journey with another barrier begging me for defeat. I got on my knees and just asked God one thing " Can you hold me?" Hold my body in the midst of a trembling soul. I needed to just hear the heartbeat of Gods love and grace, His dedicated love. I know that when things become suddenly cloudy we often panic, we fear the unknown. It is in our very nature to want clarity! I just rested in silence wanting to hear my heart calm down, to hear my breath speak softly. As I contemplated my future I remembered my past and all the wonderful memories I had of my healthy body. I could run where ever I choose, there was no worries just freedom. I felt there was a beast that laid within, a monster who wanted to break out of this fragile body but to no avail. Surprisingly as I walked through my hallway I noticed a picture that was worth more than a thousand words, more than tears mixed with pain. It was a picture of the movie "Beauty And The Beast", we had purchased the photo in remembrance of our love for one another. Little did I know that it would literally describe our circumstances, our world of suffering. I was the beast and my wife was belle the beautiful maiden of uncompromisable faith and love. She could see into my heart, beyond the monster that stood before her. The photo was a remarkable epiphany! I came to a conclusion that would leave such a profound mark, a thought that gave me comfort and discourse all rolled into one picture. That moment gave me understanding that Gods love is much deeper than our limitations, our lives. I needed to understand that my wifes love was good enough for me and who I was and who I wasn't. I am loved just as I am, are you?! Do you feel that what you are and what you are not is sufficient for devotion? That you are loved no matter what you wish you could be or what you wish was not there. It is hard to imagine but love crosses boundaries way past the beast within. Remember you are precious and beyond your comprehension there is love, there is devotion

Tipping Point

Did you know that eating whole foods can slim you down by a huge margin?!
Just imagine that your body has come to a drudging halt, slowly crawling along. Everyones body has tipping points, spiritually and physically. When our bodies begin to slow down and the energy fades away we start to see an avalanche of problems begin to rise. Clarity, mood management, weight gain and so much more. Changing your diet is quintessential in improving your overall health, choosing fancy short term diets and once a year exercise gimmicks will only prolong the tipping point. Choose today as your day to make a difference in your life and become a billboard of success!!