Sunday, January 30, 2011

Give it your all

     Now in life there are moments that stand out beyond others, they seem so different because maybe they were unexpected or they were something that we could never imagine in our minds. Whatever the case may be the imprint is inspiring. The emotions are raw and beautiful! For me that came true today, it felt like a whisper gently telling me that I am on the right path. I am making someone else's life a little bit better and in doing so it is blessing my life in some amazingly strange way. Have you ever stepped outside expecting a dreary day of work and mundane living, only to be greeted by the most amazing sunrise?! You become suddenly numb by the most amazing colours of the sky and the warmth of the morning sun. Your worries begin to fade into the heavens above, that brief moment was an unexpected gift. A beautiful oasis of wonder.
     Well today was one of those wonderful horizons, and the gift was such a soft reminder that beauty can surprise you at any given moment. As I approached a corner that was near to my home I recognized a father that I had spoken to previously. I waved hello and said a few words in passing and then carried on my way. As I reached for the door of my house I couldn't help but feel the need to return to that father and speak with him. So as I turned around and walked back to his house. As he began to smile and speak  I could see the mask quickly melting away. He looked so worried and filled with sadness, he began to tell me of his sons pain and difficulty with walking. 
     Now in the past, this young teenager had watched me on numerous occasions run and slowly overcome my difficulty with stroke symptoms. He had seen me improve dramatically and felt inspired by my dedication and my fervor.  I eventually became friends with his family and ran a 37 km run (dedicating the last few kms to the fathers son) Well with all that being said, that being the history of this moment. The father looked at me and told me how his son viewed me as a person who he holds in high regard. I was taken back by the thought and so I gave the father a big hug as my lips began to quiver. I am sure he didn't notice, but I was moved. The father continued his story of how he tried to encourage his son by saying "Son, Ernie has horrible days too but he keeps trying; he doesn't give up!" 
     That was the moment that i will remember for the rest of my life. I am running for a purpose and by Gods grace I will run to the finish line. My motto will be the same as it has since the beginning and it goes as follows 

"Give it your best and when that is gone, give it your all!" by EvK

Heroes are not born they are carved out of passion and dedication for hope, truth and above all else love!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Liar Liar

As I approached the restaurant my mind was filled with excitement and joy! There I was standing in front of two great big doors and I leaned forward and pulled them open. Though my hands were shaking slightly from the stroke I knew that this moment was mine, not the stroke. I was going to show my wife that she was the best woman in town and I had it all planned out, well almost....
     The moment was beautiful and her eyes were literally glistening with joy and love. My wife was more than just my roommate, my friend or what have you, she was the other half of my smile; the laughter that I once knew.  She taught me how to survive at sorrows reef, there was no denying that we were meant for each other. You see love is deeper than a few letters and a post card, more than a kiss and a gentle touch. Love is something that burns in the deepest part of you when everything else feels cold. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.. Love is

     Anyways there I was sitting across from my wife completely enamored by her excitement and her smile. I felt this was the right time to give her the "Wham-OH statement" you know the "Home run" comment. I was supposed to say "You have the most beautiful eyes" or "You are the most amazing person" something, anything near those lines would have been just great!!! Instead my brain turned into "Liar Liar - Movie with Jim Carey"  My mouth was open and I was sure that I said something profound but my stroke decided otherwise. I began with "You have the nicest .......pause" Just then a beautiful woman walked by and I said " A$$" From that point my ears suddenly became numb and my lips felt like I had just sucked on a cactus. I griped the table ever so slightly, though I possibly left permanent fingerprints on the finish. Never the less, my stroke came to the rescue by saying something completely stupid and random. I looked at my wife and I am sure my facial expression was similar to a dear in headlights. She gracefully looked down and then made a comment that made me laugh. 
     Every once and awhile my brain thinks things and my mouth just says it! When I had my stroke I suddenly have become this character that Jim Carey portrayed in his movie. How is this possible?! What can I do?! Well from that point onward there were many awkward moments and so many of which i wish i could forget but life is just that. Sometimes there are moments that we wish we could take back but they can't be undone. My wife taught me to learn to laugh and just move on, to not let those circumstances bog me down. Lift my head and look at the rainbows, for though the storm has passed there are always moments of wonder that will come. 

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Broken Lines

Todays fears will be conquered
hope will shine
way past every step
beyond every broken line
every shattered dream
that cries
Today I will learn to fly....
                                               By EvK

     When I first faced the inevitable desire to overcome my stroke, expand my boundaries; I felt excited and filled with anticipation. Maybe some would step back and let things be as they were but for me I have always been a fighter. Now don't get me wrong, I have my weak moments too but starting this dream wasn't one of them. For some wild reason I felt that if I could run I could make a difference. Change my circumstance into a message of hope!
     When I approached my first few kms (miles) I felt I had faced a giant, an insurmountable physical wall and emotionally draining challenge. I couldn't run any further than 22 kms and my dream was to go way past that, I felt literally discouraged. I know that I should have been proud of my distance, shoot I should have been shouting it from the top of the mountains. I didn't feel satisfied, I felt I was short of the distance that I truly wanted to accomplish. I needed to make the full lap that I had set out to do and I was going to do it somehow. Somewhere, somehow we all come to a dead end or at least one that we feel is impossible to overcome. Instead of staring at a failed attempt I decided that I needed some inspiration, some hope that could drive my dreams. So the next day I wrote this phrase with my picture.
     Now I was looking at my situation from the outside, seeing how far I had truly gone. I was learning how to be proud of my accomplishments for the first time! I saw a man who didn't want to give up or give in. We all need dreams and most definitely we need hope. Instead of looking at a blank wall why not try to figure how to climb over it or under. For that very matter, why not reach for inspiration!! You have one life to live and why not make the most of it?! After I wrote this I finally reached my goal of 31 kms, not only did I reach that distance but I went further.
     So the deep profound lesson that I have learned is this, give it your best and when that is gone give it your all! Reach for inspiration and if you can't find any then you need to seriously look around because it is everywhere! In my case I made my own because that is just what I needed at that very moment....

Don't fear challenges, they literally shape who you could possibly be if you so choose to accept!

When fear looks you in the eyes don't turn away, just smile and press forward!!!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

When Hope Whispers Victory Shouts

     Now I have thought of many words when my lips are silent and nothing seems to ring as loud as BELIEVE. I can't put my finger on it but maybe it is because that word encompasses so much. It dares to face giants of fear and swim oceans of sorrow, it remains strong no matter what it must do even when it is weak. You see, choosing to believe requires that you let go of things that drag you down. It is inevitable, when you commit to believing in something, anything; your heart will have to choose between loss or gain. Believing requires that silent demand of respect, that expectation to overcome.
     Sometimes in life we loose direction because our conviction isn't clear, our words are far too many with so little worth. So when you look at yourself what word holds your heart, what thought drives you? What would you wish others to hear, to know?

     When my world lays silent
  and fears
begin to crawl
though my lips may quiver
I will stand high
I will stand tall


By EvK  

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Before I met You

     Today I want to tell you a little story about something special, something that I believe is important in a good friendship or ships for that matter. One of the most crucial things in any real friendship is the importance of appreciation, it carries with it a real solid anchor. What I mean by all of this is this, we all need someone to trust in and to lean on when we simply cannot do it; when the storm is overwhelming.

      In the past I have had such friends and now mine have migrated to facebook status, only because most of them are at a distance. I felt that my life needed some encouragement and I was feeling a little down because of my symptoms so I wanted to personally encourage each and every person on my facebook page. I want to be the words that I wish to hear, so I started telling everyone what I think of them. I gave each person an animal picture (who I thought they would be if they were an animal) what I thought best suited who they were by character and you know what, I began to feel a little better about my situation more and more. I wasn't thinking about myself and I was loving it!! Sometimes we can become a little selfish and we forget how precious friends can really be. They are the lifeline when we begin to sink, when we fall down.
     I recognize that many of us are busy with our lives and we don't feel we have enough time but one thing that is worth its investment is friendship. When we change our outlook from "I am just too busy right now" to "I will try and take some time" it makes a world of difference and in the process you don't isolate yourself as well. We don't have to be lonely ships tossed by the sea, instead we can have friends who are the anchor for success!
     So remember that friends are worth the time and they deserve encouragement as so do you.....

I wrote this statement to a friend recently....

Continue to fly, never think just below the clouds of reality!!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Call To Me

     The wind begins to howl and the trees begin to bend, under the sudden travailing force. The pleasant and serene beauty of children playing and people laughing cracks like glass under the force of a unknown hammer. The pieces fall to the ground all too quickly and yet the noise is held in complete silence like a silhouette captured  within a frame. My lips quiver and my eyes dart back and forth trying to grasp what is being done, what has just occurred. Peoples voices become muffled and there faces begin to melt into obscurity as my brain desperately seeks to find solitude. The light slowly dims as I crawl to a corner and breath ever so slowly, wishing to feel the soft touch of peace. As I look up in desperation I see a sudden flood of water pouring all around me. I quickly run towards a boat that I see in the distance, my heart is pounding and my body is drenched in fears and emotional thunderstorms. I hold onto the mast with every ounce of strength within my heart as the water rises with devastating destruction. Suddenly a hand reaches out and the waters calm and the rains fall silent. The sun begins to shine as the most beautiful rainbow pours out in an overwhelming radiance. I laid back in complete exhaustion and wonderment. The light seemed more beautiful when the sparkling blue skies danced with the ominous clouds in retreat. 
     I just survived my first blow out, a mental overload. Since the stroke literally destroyed my ability to cope with stress I am left with this experience on a weekly bases. This is my world but what may surprise you is this, I look forward to my rainbow; the stunning colours of freedom and hope. When my mind begins to recuperate its senses I take a deep breath and say "one day at a time" I look around me and give myself a pep talk and say " Ernie you can do this, you can survive this!" I am alive and I have the freedom to walk again and talk again.
     It is so often the case that when we loose something precious we suddenly become aware, understanding that something valuable is gone; there is a void of some sort or another. What I have to say is simple and hopefully encouraging to you, there is always a way through the storm. No matter how hard or how long it may go, eventually it will fade away. The sun will shine again! Whatever is facing you today may seem like an insurmountable task but know this. There is someone who is greater than you, someone who is more profound and deeper than all your worries. The author of rainbows and sunshines, the God who can still any storm at anytime. If I had not felt the storm I would not embrace the calm.

Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer you, 
and will tell you great 
and hidden things that you have not known.

Monday, January 3, 2011


When I first saw this picture it made me think a mile a minute. There was so much being told, a story silently bleeding through the colours of the sun. That story was telling me to believe!!! Now at some point or another we all are faced with the profound choice of believing. It literally shapes how we deal with circumstances! Somewhere in the very depths of who you are there is a choice to be made, a place in which you can have as a monument of faith or a stumbling block of doubt and fear. Now for me, believing is everything! Without this amazing fuel I could not carry on as I do, I could not imagine the things that I hope to accomplish or to change.
     The message can truly be that simple, that amazing if only you would pick up your fears, worries and disbeliefs and hold them up to the light of hope. Now if you are overwhelmed by sickness or by hate or a multitude of other stumbling blocks just remember you can choose to believe!! Though my present struggles cause me concern I know that there is change coming. I see a new dawn, a new day. Slowly as every moment passes a new letter is written on my heart and though it seems painfully unbearable, there will come a time when I have the choice to shine in this world or hide in the sand. I choose to shine, I choose to believe!!

Never apologize for being different; the only apologies that should ever be handed out is for indifference!