Time will only tell

     Well it has been sometime since I posted my thoughts and feelings on this blog, not because I am too busy but because I have put all of my efforts into running my 70x7 tour. There have been a lot of emotions that I never knew existed. When I wrote down this very personal goal to inspire myself and other survivors of illness, I just didn't imagine the magnitude or possibly the apathy of others. Let me explain myself more thoroughly. After I began to walk, talk, read, write and deal with my ability to understand others I quickly realized that if you want something to change then you've got to be the change! Live your convictions with hope, passion and honour. Be the person that you can look back at and say "I did it with respect"
     As I began to run farther and farther, the newspapers took notice and inevitably people began to personally email me their struggles and feelings as well. I felt encouraged and compassionate for their plight, it gave me fuel for each and every city that I came across. Well here I am at city 17 and I am taken by surprise, I survived a stroke and now I am trying to find sponsors, money in order to reach city 70! This will be a tough battle and one that has heard its share of empty promises with big smiles attached. My dad always told me "action speaks louder than words" well I have become a firm believer in that now. So I guess all in all, what I am saying is "Be your promises, live your respect, act on your honour"

Live your words and blaze a trail of change.

Why So Hard

     Well today is such a beautiful day, why you ask? Well the reason it is beautiful is simply because I know that whatever happens I am free, free from frustration, disappointment and what ever garbage that seems to weigh down the heart of a man/woman. I have pursued sponsors with a fire in my soul and yet not a single one has committed and that is just fine by me. The hardship of my journey isn't in the rejection of others or how they view my stroke as non important, what matters the most is am I willing to fight for what I believe in, is it precious to me and will I go beyond my weaknesses to find hope.
   
     I am very happy to say that my joy isn't in my acceptance of others but in a God of grace and so I press onward despite the lack of funding in order for me to reach the goal that is set before me. Have you ever desired or wanted something that you knew was good for the soul?! Something so precious that you knew it could only drive you to higher heights, to a place of "I knew in the heart of hearts that there was a reason for what I did" If you have a passion that you are willing to fight for, to sweat for, to sacrifice almost anything for, then it better be worth its weight in gold. Consider the cost before building the building, I believe there is a bible verse pertaining to that concept. We all face walls of doubt or resistance whether it be exterior or internal but either way it has to be overcome or left to failure. I tell you one thing though, when you overcome what seemed almost impossible to imagine, it makes your heart dance for joy and your mind just shakes with absolute confidence!

     Well despite my present financial circumstances I am proud to say that I am willing to fight for what I believe in and I hope you are to. If you can't lay your heart on the line for something then you really can't find out what you are really made of. Life is the pot and circumstances the fire that causes the water to bubble and the gold is Gods purpose for your life. So let the dross come to the top in challenges and whatever is pure shall remain beautiful. 

No Guts No Glory

     When I first stood up after being told I had a stroke, I had a fire in me, a drive to never let this thing kill me, eat me up. Slowly as time passed I notice severe challenges, too many to count. Sometimes when you face so many obstacles you become numb and when something happens on top of all the challenges you either break or you simply say "c'mon, bring it on!". What will one more obstacle or challenge do, so you pick up your sunglasses and you smile look up and say "Never ever give up!". You come to a conclusion or an epiphany and  set your goals and pursue them no matter what. You refuse to settle for second best or for that matter what ever else, it isn't about perfection or not accepting yourself for who you are, it is just a matter of overcoming what life throws at you and maybe, just maybe you want to be stronger in the end. I don't like to give up and all through history great people never quit. I thank God I am still alive and now I want to inspire others instead of sitting around and sulking about what I have or may not have. Life is short and it is definitely beautiful, so live it to the fullest under Gods grace. Well that is my thought for the day and I hope you will look at your impossibilities and live beyond your limitations. Here I am running my 15th city and I am out of money, and I have petitioned almost every company possible for support, some say "yes" then back out while others don't give me the time of day. Just because 200 people refuse that doesn't mean there isn't 1, just 1 that will take me in and believe in what I am doing. If anything happens I have gotten thicker skin and I really am learning how people tick.

     It really boils down to how you see things, how you approach the race, the goal! When everything else fades, your mind needs to be steadfast and secure on what you believe is possible, inevitable. Then you train your heart out and fight for every step, go past every hurdle and live the dream. Remember nothing is worth its time unless you have to fight for it!

Those little moments

     Today at the gym a wonderful lady was exercising and she was very overweight, she looked very uncomfortable so I told her that I had a stroke and had to learn everything again. Her eyes widened as she watched me lifting my toes to the bar above me. Then I told her this "kudos to you for coming here and taking a big step and you know what, the battle is all in your mind. I fought long and hard to get where I am and I just focused on the goal and pursued it and you can do the same!"
   
     Then a different lady came up to me and said "That was really kind of you to say that, that really moved me, thank you" You never know who is listening and what you can do for others if you just give from the heart. We sometimes become so occupied with our end destination or goal that we leave everything that is beautiful behind. Why not embrace every step along the way and make others happy while you do it. It is worth it if you try. Maybe some hidden treasure will be found in the process, a gem that will keep a smile on your face for years to come :)

Hunger

   I lived in my car for sometime due to contractors lying and cheating me out of wages so their sons could drive bmw's etc. Well I didn't get paid and slept through an entire winter in a car. I often woke up because of the chattering of my teeth, I ate small amounts of food that my soon to be wife gave me (an apple or an orange, maybe a banana) She took only food that was her own and then shared it with me. Some nights were beyond bareable and so I slept during the day when the sun was out. My girlfriend  was going to school at the time and while she was in class I would sleep in the main study hall. I was a very broken person back then, disheartened by those who lied and those who withheld due wages. In fact I remember my stomach hurting so much that I often thought of eating garbage just so I could get by. Well right across from me was a food dispenser that I often stared at but had no money to purchase food for my hunger, late one afternoon I saw a few women from my girlfriends dorm room tipping the machine so they could get candies and food just for the sake of it. They thought it trivial and erroneous to believe they were stealing and for some reason felt it was humorous to take what was not their own. As they walked away they chuckled at the thought of their actions and that they had the money to purchase but instead took what they felt they deserved despite the lack of hunger.

    

     I never forgot that day nor the hunger that constantly burned in my belly. I questioned Gods kindness and mans mercy but I knew that in those moments that God was digging deeper into the very depths of my soul, telling me with memories that hunger is but a moment but honour is a lifetime. Don't forget that every action you do has an indescribable reaction. You can chose to have a photo album of memories worth smiling about, looking back knowing that you put your faith in a God who remains strong through even the roughest times. I am no special person by any means but I do believe that Christ has created in me a clean heart, to worship him, to live for him, to run for him, to be all the things that Gods heart spurs me towards. Late one night as I was shaking from the cold a security guard took notice to my predicament, he invited me to his office and gave me hot chocolate and 10 dollars. We spoke and laughed for a brief time, I forget the words he spoke but I never forgot his kind smile and giving heart. We all have an opportunity to be the light that everyone so desperately needs, sometimes it's like the break of dawn, shining beautifully as it rises and other times it just a brief light to guide the ship home from rough waters. After that winter and others I had experienced in hardship I never forgot the value of people over objects. Christmas is a time of giving from the heart not the wallet, a precious star of hope guiding us to a promise much bigger than ourselves.

The Rest Of Your Life

Pain tells me on a regular basis that it feels that it governs who and what I am, what I should accomplish and how far I should run or what I should strive for. Little does it know that I am chiselled, shaped and molded for something bigger than myself and so I consider it mute, daft and useless under the greatest earplugs ever made, hope! So why not live a life that is memorable and profound, embrace every step and live beyond the average! You can do it ;)

Backbone

     Well tonight I had a blowout, well not really a blowout but a momentary lapse of judgement. The story is a bit long but worth mentioning, I was sitting in the van waiting for my kids to come out of the church and I saw this young man and his wife arguing with one of the volunteers. Now I must tell you something of importance, they were known for being complainers and frustratingly hmmm what is the right word? Well it will come to me, well I could see they were getting really nasty towards the church staff and I have heard for some time that they were a pain in everyone's side. Now to put in context, this was a kids bible, slash, event centre. So the problem truly arose due to the issues surrounding the couples child who has been a constant trouble maker. Every time the matter is brought up to the parents they blame someone else or believe that they or their child could never do no wrong. Any time a staff member deals with the couple it ends in eye rolling, shrugs and shear frustration. They often come across as being far better than others. Well now that I have laid the ground work for my momentary lapse of judgement I will proceed forward with my story.

      I was sitting in the van watching the couple berate some innocent volunteer because they decided that the young child was being problematic (once again) I could see by the fathers posture that he was laying right into the poor guy. This was going on for a good 5 to 10 minutes and so I got out of the van and walked in. I listened for a few minutes and thought "no I just have to use the bathroom, just leave it alone" but then it got worse. The volunteer was apologizing but yet trying to stand his ground, being polite as possible but as soon as he left the pastor came walking over and said " is there anything wrong?" Then the mother of the child ripped into the pastor and then that was it! My stroke problems kicked in. I just stepped in and told them this " You guys are so arrogant and it is disgusting, you should be ashamed! It's disgusting, man you guys are so full of shhhhhh" well you get the idea. I thankfully held back my tongue and didn't finish the statement as intended. I was angry not because the couple was completely unreasonable or self absorbed or the thousand other things that they truly were, I was angry that so many people put up with their childish behaviour. The squeeky wheel was getting the grease and it was insulting. I wanted someone to have some backbone, any one! 

     After this transpired, I walked over to the van and for some reason I felt really good about myself. Maybe because they deserved to hear that they were arrogant or maybe because I stood up to something that I personally hate, apathy. Personally it may not have been the best approach but as far as me standing up to some severely manipulative people, it was an A+. Being a christian doesn't mean you have to be a doormat to people who cause nothing but strife. Others are watching and they learn about dealing with conflict. There comes a time when you have to stand up to others and refuse to take what they are giving. It is called dignity and respect.