Fear Not

I remember this bitter sweet moment. It was 2 years after my stroke and I was learning how to go into a grocery store. I put on a brave face and challenged my fears. As I walked through the aisles my brain began to shut down, my little girl

 was with me. I began to walk like I was completely drunk, my speech became slurred and I slumped to one side as I wobbled to and fro. My beautiful girl held my hand and grabbed the groceries. She looked up at me with such pride; I knew that people were starring at me and even some looked at me with disgust and snickered. My head dropped in shame, though I had done nothing wrong. Covered in tears I lifted my head and thought of my dear little girl who smiled as I fought to take each and every step. I knew right there and then that courage is beautiful and family is priceless. People can judge me but I was going to leave that store with my head held high, conquering a fear and creating a memory worth cherishing for a lifetime. As we walk slowly to our car my daughter says "your the best stroke survivor daddy there is". With a big hug she gave me all the joy, the strength and the laughter I needed for the day, in fact I think of that moment quite often and still smile. God knows just the right thing to do and how to do it well. 

The Quivering

     We can all to often feel afraid when we face the unknown, something of uncertainty but have you ever noticed the brave at heart, the ones who seem to face fear head on and just smile. What makes them who they are, what they feel and how they overcome! Well I was on that side until my stroke happened, then when months had passed and I had to deal with every little thing that said "you can't do this" it got me mad and really tough. I didn't know that I was becoming such an overcomer until my kids started saying "Dad, we believe in you, you can do it"

     Maybe for some of us the encouragement wasn't there as we grew up or we tried to do something with the little amount of courage that we had and or could muster, and then it failed miserably. It leaves a heavy impression, especially at a very young age and with that impression there can be years of trying to reprogram in our heads that we can believe and succeed. I am not a complete success story in the sense of what others might think but I am a success story by what I think and know. Meaning I now believe that I can make a difference and that my life is precious and profound if I let it, if I let God do His work in me and I do my part, which is to simply believe, receive and conceive. That sounds a little hokey but what I mean is, hear the truth, accept the truth and live the truth, and if it takes baby steps for you to do it then do it.

     Just after my stroke I had to do everything, everything from scratch and when you scratch long enough and hard enough your fingers get stronger, your will gets tougher and you can definitely endure much more. I believe it is called stamina of the heart.

     Be the person that you wish to be, fight for it and live it, you are worth the triumph!

Just Hug It Out

Sometimes failures, disappointments and all around life needs a really big HUG~IT~OUT session.

Bully 101

                           "Hey, its Terry Fox stroke E run, ha look at him"

The heckling was at an all time high, the 13 year old boy followed me as I ran with my little kid. I thought I could have a little bit of peace and enjoy one of my favourite moments with my son who was so proud to run with his daddy.  My son even looked up at me and said "Dad, you are the best stroke survivor, EVER" of course in his eyes that is truer than true. I chuckled and held his hand and we ran the entire loop during a cancer fundraiser at langley meadows school. My son though has sadly seen the sweet and sour of life as well. For three years my son and daughter who are little kids have seen a neighbour heckle us, swear at us, threaten us on a continual basis only to ask "why so much hate dad, why do they have to say yucky things at us" I respond with this "I just don't know, they are very sad and unhappy people. We just need to be us and let it slide" Sometimes that can truly be hard and you have your moments but all in all you just have to rise above. Little did I know that rising above required every ounce of forgiveness within my body and that bullying is a cowards way of saying "I am unhappy". I love my kids to the end of the moon and back and my wife is precious and our family has been through a lot, so one thing I can say is that we are becoming stronger and stronger. :D

Today is a day for you!

     I remember when the doctor told me I had a stroke, it shook me to the core, infact maybe it was more profound than the stroke itself. I can't really put my finger on why it felt like a bomb inside my little world or reality but it definitely exploded with an array of thoughts and emotions that left me crawling for years. Now with all that being said there was something special, something beautiful that came out of all this mud and mire, I began to fight for everything, not just my health but my rights to having respect, honor and even self worth. From that day I became a fighter, maybe this is where the rocky music kicks in but since I am writing a note you will just have to imagine. Funny thing is, imagine, truly is a profound word in itself. I had to literally imagine what I wasn't, what I could be and even imagine myself without borders, walls and restrictions on who or what I would become. I had to imagine how God was going to use this situation for His glory. You see, people often fall apart because their imagination crumbles, they lose who or what they are, that my friend is precious!

     I began every morning with some words that I whispered to myself and I prayed for strength to see outside my circumstances. I began to imagine....

I would look at myself in the mirror and even though one eye was half shut or if my face couldn't smile or I just couldn't see clearly or hear properly, I would look straight ahead into the mirror and say " Today is a good day for you, you can do this and do it well" Some days I would scream it, some days I would cry it but every day I would look in that mirror and be the coach that I desperately needed. My wife always stood by me, cried by me, laughed with me and fought along side of me. There is something special about overcoming impossibilities, surviving and even thriving. Beating the odds and doing what most thought was brutal or heartbreaking, I am blessed not because of materials or wealth or what have you, I am blessed because God knew I could be so much more than who I am and He stayed with me through the hell and high waters of life only to say "Well done" Gods confidence in me is what makes me press onward and upward. My life is short and love will make me outshine this dark time, this hour of broken dreams. Today is a good day for YOU! 

"give it your best and when that is gone, give it your all" by Ernie V Kasper

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No Bullies Allowed

Being afraid for a moment is inevitable but being afraid for a lifetime is a choice. By EVK



     The last week has been something of a testing ground, a shake up or a wake up call. I have been bullied by a 12 year old for sometime (2 years) I am not sure why the child is so hateful or spiteful but from all the screaming that I hear in their home I can only guess. It is sad when parents don't teach their children love, honour and respect, it literally affects everyone. Well everything came to a grinding halt when I was shot in the face with a bb gun. I had enough of seeing the child doing all kinds of crazy behaviour and bullying tactics due to his angry demeanor. As I stood my ground I called the cops and some neighbours were passionately agreeing with me and others were not impressed. Well standing up for what is right is never a popular opinion and bullying is wrong no matter what. The nut doesn't fall far from the tree when you see the father being just as disrespectful, hateful and cruel.
     Well after all that has transpired the grandfather is now swearing at me and giving me stare downs. Though everything has happened as it has I am proud of my family for standing up for what is right and for me not letting the neighbours bully us. I could get into all the crazy things the child has done but that would detract from the message that I simply want to stand up for, which is NO bullying PERIOD.

Time will only tell

     Well it has been sometime since I posted my thoughts and feelings on this blog, not because I am too busy but because I have put all of my efforts into running my 70x7 tour. There have been a lot of emotions that I never knew existed. When I wrote down this very personal goal to inspire myself and other survivors of illness, I just didn't imagine the magnitude or possibly the apathy of others. Let me explain myself more thoroughly. After I began to walk, talk, read, write and deal with my ability to understand others I quickly realized that if you want something to change then you've got to be the change! Live your convictions with hope, passion and honour. Be the person that you can look back at and say "I did it with respect"
     As I began to run farther and farther, the newspapers took notice and inevitably people began to personally email me their struggles and feelings as well. I felt encouraged and compassionate for their plight, it gave me fuel for each and every city that I came across. Well here I am at city 17 and I am taken by surprise, I survived a stroke and now I am trying to find sponsors, money in order to reach city 70! This will be a tough battle and one that has heard its share of empty promises with big smiles attached. My dad always told me "action speaks louder than words" well I have become a firm believer in that now. So I guess all in all, what I am saying is "Be your promises, live your respect, act on your honour"

Live your words and blaze a trail of change.

Why So Hard

     Well today is such a beautiful day, why you ask? Well the reason it is beautiful is simply because I know that whatever happens I am free, free from frustration, disappointment and what ever garbage that seems to weigh down the heart of a man/woman. I have pursued sponsors with a fire in my soul and yet not a single one has committed and that is just fine by me. The hardship of my journey isn't in the rejection of others or how they view my stroke as non important, what matters the most is am I willing to fight for what I believe in, is it precious to me and will I go beyond my weaknesses to find hope.
   
     I am very happy to say that my joy isn't in my acceptance of others but in a God of grace and so I press onward despite the lack of funding in order for me to reach the goal that is set before me. Have you ever desired or wanted something that you knew was good for the soul?! Something so precious that you knew it could only drive you to higher heights, to a place of "I knew in the heart of hearts that there was a reason for what I did" If you have a passion that you are willing to fight for, to sweat for, to sacrifice almost anything for, then it better be worth its weight in gold. Consider the cost before building the building, I believe there is a bible verse pertaining to that concept. We all face walls of doubt or resistance whether it be exterior or internal but either way it has to be overcome or left to failure. I tell you one thing though, when you overcome what seemed almost impossible to imagine, it makes your heart dance for joy and your mind just shakes with absolute confidence!

     Well despite my present financial circumstances I am proud to say that I am willing to fight for what I believe in and I hope you are to. If you can't lay your heart on the line for something then you really can't find out what you are really made of. Life is the pot and circumstances the fire that causes the water to bubble and the gold is Gods purpose for your life. So let the dross come to the top in challenges and whatever is pure shall remain beautiful.