Now as a child I read a story of a man with long hair who could fight off hundreds of men with a jawbone. He could tear off the doors of a city and think nothing of it! His name was Samson and as a child I would imagine myself having that kind of strength, wanting to be that kind of person. As a child I saw only one thing, the strength of a man which I thought brought respect. As I grew up I noticed that it isn't in the strength that we gain respect but in our abilities to overcome our challenges, our fears; all the while being honorable! Samson eventually lost his strength not because of his loss of hair but because of his lack of care in wanting to please God.The very one who gave him his abilities, the one who made him who he truly was. Sometimes we loose our direction and loose our strength. We become lost in broken promises and self centered behavior. I want to stay focused and remember who I am, despite my suffering. It is so easy to fade into a world of complacency, living only for yourself. Take some time and learn to look outside yourself and be the man or woman that God has called you to. Sometimes people can deceive us and then it hurts us deep inside but really what is of more offence than lying to yourself?
Today I spoke with a dear friend and I truly loved the conversation! Everything about it was lovely and encouraging. She spoke of her latest accomplishments for which I was truly overjoyed. Her name is Ursula and she told me of her recent running challenge. She described the profound feelings of wonder and self worth in accomplishing something that she felt was worth the prize. The amazement came from the fact that she overcame a limitation, reaching for something beautiful; something beyond words. Confidence that grew with every step that she took. In passing she told me how I had inspired her to run. I was excited not for the fact that she complimented me but because I could hear her dreams flying into the great unknown. She was standing at the edge of the world looking in!
There I was trembling, looking over to the left and to the right. People lined up on either side, when suddenly BANG!!! I jumped from the starting line and I ran with my heart in my throat. As my hair flung backwards I pushed every step with sheer force. As I gained speed I could hardly feel the ground beneath me. My lungs filled with the fresh warm air of summer and the cheers of those on the sidelines. As I approached the 100 meter mark my asthma kicked into overdrive, quickly my chest began to tighten up. It felt as though someone handed me a straw and said "breathe through this!" My legs began to shake and my fingers became numb from the lack of oxygen. I refused to give up, I had dealt with this problem all my life and it wasn't going to get the best of me now. I pushed forward and I didn't care if it began to burn, I wanted this ribbon. I needed it for my own accomplishments. To look myself in the mirror and say "You did it because you didn't give up!" I approached the end of the race and I won second place. Funny enough, that day changed my life!
There is a total of 365 days in a year and out of that total you can't stand Mondays. Now minus those 52 days and you are left with 313 days. Now from that 313 days you can't stand tuesdays because the week has barely begun and you are so far away from a weekend of relaxing. You now have to minus another 52 days (depending on leap year or not ,53 then) which brings you to a total of 261 days. Now Wednesdays are simply the middle of the week and you hate being stuck in the middle so you have to minus another 52 days of drudgery! You now have 209 days of pure joy but oh wait you still have Thursdays. Thursday is a wonderful day filled with thoughts of relaxing in the proverbial sun, the only problem is that you caught the flu and so you needed to recover. So lets minus another possible 9 days of illness out of the year. Your grand total is set at 200 days! Now if by chance you fall into the country song woes you have unfortunately lost your dog,wife,house and you have gained a wonderful lawyer by the name of Big Bill. You will most likely minus a solid 100 days. In the time you have gained composer and felt that you are feeling stellar because you found a dating online service that has said “Man you look good for your age, what is your credit card number?!” You are starting to feel good about yourself and you feel that you are beginning to put on your A game for dating. Early one morning you get a call from the bank telling you that your identity was stolen and that you now live in hong kong. You now have to deal with trying to prove that you have lived in your present city. The only problem was that you never really got along with that many people because of your negative behaviors.
There I was driving on the road trying to get from point A to point B, well in my case from point A to B to C to whatever else my confused mind would take me. When I had accomplished the tasks or errands that I had set to do I gladly began my return home. I could imagine the soft couch that I so dearly loved and the warm gentle flickering fire by my feet as I snuggled up to a wondrous movie that carried me away to a new and thrilling journey! All of this anticipation just waiting eagerly behind the simple curl of my lips, a sudden smile caught by the reflection of my window as I passed underneath the street lights. As I turned the corner I noticed a street sign, an oddity to say the least. The design had me perplexed, confused. It was as though I had just seen a new mathematical equation or I had just been asked the dreaded "If two trains were to leave at different times at different speeds who would arrive first" type of question. That was the look I had when I saw the sign; it made no sense, it gave me no clarity. I drove past in complete wonder. I thought to myself "how long has that sign been there?" and "what does it mean?"
When I was a child I dreamed of being able to play baseball. I watched my brothers hit the ball like it was going out of style, soaring in the wind like a bird reaching for freedom! I was amazed at the power that they had, the timing, everything. I wanted to be apart of that excitement! So when the game was over they would walk home and I would stay behind and practice. I would imagine the ball flying through the air like a rocket! Then when all the imagination was done I needed to hit that thing. I wanted to be apart of the dream. So I persisted until I did it, until I was able to hit that ball past the pitcher. Now recently I have experienced my first home run. I am not talking about baseball anymore but about dreams. Ones that we wish to become reality. I jogged and jogged until I literally put holes in my shoes, I wanted to be an inspiration to those who were suffering illnesses. I thought the best way to be an inspiration is to overcome something that seems almost impossible and then let others know there is hope. I ran for awareness, made videos, spoke to as many people as possible and gave my heart and soul into helping people. Suddenly things have gone from a possibility to a reality!! I am now looking at something that has taken flight, something that is bigger than myself. I now am seeing others believe in what I am dreaming of! In those precious moments big things can happen, not because I created it but because God orchestrated it. That means that there is an amazing intricate design for hope, for miracles. Much bigger than myself! I am walking on clouds because I am making a difference in this life and it couldn't have happened without faith, hope and love! Pursue your dreams with these three things and maybe just maybe you might see a miracle happen in the lives of those around you. It might just start with "I CAN, I WILL"
In life fear can hold the heart captive, in fact it can dry the mind. Your imaginations and dreams can easily become desolate! In fact fear has the ability to even leave many people lost in a world of broken thoughts, wishing they were not even alive. If we take the time to look around you can see there are people everywhere who are lost in fear and in worries. What is it that makes some live beyond those boundaries, those walls that many face with absolute trembling? I look at people who face overwhelming odds and for some reason they rise above, they captivate hope and crush fear and impossibilities at every turn. For some of us we become like little children lost in the moments; being disciplined by our fathers or mothers, we only see the chastisement not the benefits. We lose our focus and begin to slide down a slippery slope of “I want that!” or “why me?” We can't function because it becomes all about ourselves, our view suddenly shrinks smaller and smaller. Our characters are always tested by circumstances, by unforeseen events that we never planned or expected. All in all fear grips our hearts and we crumble. How can we turn these situations around, make something beautiful out of what we feel is hopeless? Well recently I watched a video of a young man who had no arms, no legs and he was an inspiration to many. The reason seems very obvious and worth the thought, he took something that could have made most people crumble under a weight of fear, anger and depression and made it beautiful! He believed he was worth something, he knew God had something planned for his life. He left all his baggage behind and looked forward and onward. Everyone takes notice when you overcome odds, when you rise above almost impossible circumstances. Now, are you someone who is captured by your worries or fears? Do you see an opportunity for inspiration or a wall of impossibilities? I am so proud of being more than just a worry in the wind! Don't let your situation tell you that your life is worthless or that it has no meaning. You are only as big as the dreams you carry!!
There in the absence of light there was silence. The walls of stone surrounded him and bandages wrapped his body still. Sometimes in our weaknesses we feel like sin surrounds our lives and we feel helpless in a tomb of shame. We long for the light of grace to free us, to give us hope and bring us to life. Just imagine when Jesus rose from the dead the pure joy he had! He was alive and He knew that God would be faithful even unto death. When I would run a great distance I would try to imagine the finish line. I would make every effort to think on those things when dealing with such physical challenges, I embraced the hope in order to accomplish the goal set before me. In fact there was more joy in running then there was in finishing races. I would become so excited and filled with such anticipation that I could hardly contain it. I believe that Christ was excited to come out of the grave and to show that his Father in heaven was a God of promise, because He is! I am excited to know such grace, such wonder. I am not surrounded by stone or by bandages of hopelessness but by a marker stone of triumph! My life was intended to be victorious, filled with wonder and promise. While many may choose to sit in a tomb of confusion or complacency I choose to walk among the living. Christ rose from the dead so we could be alive! So my great question is this, do you live as though you have been freed from a tomb of despair?! I will take this sickness that I face and leave it in the tomb and I will walk with Jesus wherever he goes, because with him there is only life!
There I was standing outside under the dark clouds of winters smile. I could see that this was going to be tough, well more than tough. I grabbed my water jug belt and my flashlight head band and with a arm reflector I was on my way. I never felt so insecure, the winds didn't look favourable and the weather had this slight grin, almost like a bully meeting you in a playground. Inevitably there was going to be a confrontation but I didn't care. I was determined and my heart was filled to the top with excitement. Today I was going to beat the elements of weather and most of all beat the mental battle that laid ahead. All morning I had struggled with my mental aquity, my body was just not getting the big picture so I needed to draw it out all over again. I needed to get out of the self pity mud pile and accomplish something worth being proud of, so I put on my jogging clothes and headed for the door. As I began my run I felt the stroke symptoms start to melt like wax, slowly bending into the rhythm of each stride taken. Not long after I accomplished my first few miles, my right leg decided it was time to discuss the crazy notion of long distance running. The pain shot through my entire body for some period of time. I decided it was time to rest for a moment and collect my thoughts, my prayers, my goal. I looked up into the dark sky above and then gently rubbed my leg, it was time to commit or just back down. Well I decided at that point to try even harder, I don't really know why I am so stubborn when it comes to giving in. Maybe it was the way my mom raised me or the way that I knew that God was bigger than my present trial.
Now for most of us, trying to find a job can be difficult. There is no simple way of looking at it. There can be so many factors in trying to find something that is fulfilling. We all want to make good money but it seems for the most part we want to be happy at what we do. I mean, we wake up and go to work 5 to 7 days a week. You want to invest in a job where you are appreciated and that you feel you make a difference. You can make all the money in the world but if there isn't passion in what you do then it becomes at times painfully bland and empty. We all want to be loved, desired and most definitely appreciated. As a teenager I worked with my father, not because I wanted to but because I had to! When it became a demand and not a choice, suddenly everything started to fade into obligations. I didn't feel free, I felt captured by expectations. The box slowly became smaller and smaller. When I left home to pursue my dreams, I felt a weight slowly lifting. I was chasing something that I wanted and that I felt had value. I wanted to make a difference in my life, leave an impact. I had big dreams and big hopes. When we leave the cage of our own circumstances we learn to fly, we become stronger and more courageous. I just placed my fears behind me and began to go forward. Since that time I have become more and more fearless. In fact when the stroke hit me at such a young age I just looked ahead and said to myself "one step at a time" Well I have taken thousands of steps and my dreams are so much closer than when I first believed. Are you willing to lay your fears to rest?!
Long long ago in a galaxy far far away.... Light sabers were swinging in the cold stilted air, The buzzing sound of laser rifles humming as they quickly fired bright coloured piercing sounds of death. Metal androids exploding, ripping metal zipping past humans as the battle for good became fiercely drawn by bodies strewn in chaos. With all my might I screamed in silence as I watched the dreaded Lord Vader throwing countless bodies aside as if they were dolls. All that stood between me and him was a metal bridge. Lord Vader approached me with his light saber firmly planted into the ground as if he were drawing words in the sand as he walked closer and closer. I felt the dark side of the force reaching for my neck when all of a sudden I hear....... “Hello there, hi cutie, do you have a name?” +544.jpg)
Sudden pulsing and twitching throbbed through my entire body, everything was in complete hysteria. It was as though someone had entered my body and began playing with my mind, there was no control only sudden fear. I watched myself begin to shake as everything became blurry, my head was shaking so hard that the world abruptly changed from sharp crisp images into a haze of uncertainty. I had just experienced my first seizure, my legs were throbbing from the pain and my arms were bruised from the piercing jolts of sudden movements. I slowly rolled over onto my stomach only to feel nauseous from the intense battle for normality, for peace. As I stood up I felt as though I had just been in a fight with someone I could not see or feel. I felt helpless and afraid but I knew right there and then that this was the stroke. The damage to my brain was beginning to surface in ways that I did not imagine. I was starting a whole new journey, a journey with another barrier begging me for defeat. I got on my knees and just asked God one thing " Can you hold me?" Hold my body in the midst of a trembling soul. I needed to just hear the heartbeat of Gods love and grace, His dedicated love. I know that when things become suddenly cloudy we often panic, we fear the unknown. It is in our very nature to want clarity! I just rested in silence wanting to hear my heart calm down, to hear my breath speak softly. As I contemplated my future I remembered my past and all the wonderful memories I had of my healthy body. I could run where ever I choose, there was no worries just freedom. I felt there was a beast that laid within, a monster who wanted to break out of this fragile body but to no avail. Surprisingly as I walked through my hallway I noticed a picture that was worth more than a thousand words, more than tears mixed with pain. It was a picture of the movie "Beauty And The Beast", we had purchased the photo in remembrance of our love for one another. Little did I know that it would literally describe our circumstances, our world of suffering. I was the beast and my wife was belle the beautiful maiden of uncompromisable faith and love. She could see into my heart, beyond the monster that stood before her. The photo was a remarkable epiphany! I came to a conclusion that would leave such a profound mark, a thought that gave me comfort and discourse all rolled into one picture. That moment gave me understanding that Gods love is much deeper than our limitations, our lives. I needed to understand that my wifes love was good enough for me and who I was and who I wasn't. I am loved just as I am, are you?! Do you feel that what you are and what you are not is sufficient for devotion? That you are loved no matter what you wish you could be or what you wish was not there. It is hard to imagine but love crosses boundaries way past the beast within. Remember you are precious and beyond your comprehension there is love, there is devotion
