Tuesday, November 2, 2010

That Wasn't a Duck Was it?!

     Long long ago in a galaxy far far away.... Light sabers were swinging in the cold stilted air, The buzzing sound of laser rifles humming as they quickly fired bright coloured piercing sounds of death. Metal androids exploding, ripping metal zipping past humans as the battle for good became fiercely drawn by bodies strewn in chaos. With all my might I screamed in silence as I watched the dreaded Lord Vader throwing countless bodies aside as if they were dolls. All that stood between me and him was a metal bridge. Lord Vader approached me with his light saber firmly planted into the ground as if he were drawing words in the sand as he walked closer and closer. I felt the dark side of the force reaching for my neck when all of a sudden I hear....... “Hello there, hi cutie, do you have a name?”
It was 11:03am and I was working with my dad in the middle of summer like I had for the past couple of years. Everything seemed so repetitive that my mind would wander into other worlds and play with the possibility of being a hero or living the dream of some movie I had recently seen. I could hardly focus on work not because I was ungrateful or bratty by any means, it was just that I had a mind that wanted to imagine, to go past the walls of my low self esteem. Here I was working in a college dorm full of woman and I was imagining another world beyond our galaxy. When I heard that call from two stories up it abruptly woke me from my daydreaming. It was like a sudden splash of cold water! Usually I heard my dad calling me in his thick German accent which sounded like a volvo starting in the cold freezing winter. Anyways this beautiful blonde girl looked down from the heavens above, ok it wasn't the heavens but she sure did look like an angel to me. She leaned out the window and waved at me and I was completely shocked. My mind began to race, my heart began to pound. My brain was climbing a mountain of words to say. Should I say Hello or Hi? No, no that won't work maybe something like “hey, you are so beautiful that I can't believe you are speaking to me!” NO, that is even worse, what about “hey, look at my muscles!” Ahhh that is even worse, since I didn't have any to show I was stuck in stupid land and I just stared at her. Ok that is enough, you need to seriously say something like “ Wow, this building has nice bricks and my shoes are really made of genuine Saskatchewan seal skin bindings!” I was lost, I just wanted to get back to daydreaming and let Lord Vader slice me in half with his Light saber. I was dead in the water and I had no troops to get me out of trouble. Then by a sudden miraculous power within me I mustered the strength to speak. It was going to be profound, I was going to make things happen. Watch out ladies here I come! I opened my mouth and I said “Hi” but for some reason it didn't sound like a normal word. The pathway from my brain to my lips had somehow decided to visit Hungary, maybe even Zimbabwe! Either way “Hi” sounded like a pregnant duck and everything became suddenly silent. I am sure in that moment I heard opera singers laughing in the distance! What had happened?! I just had a beautiful person say “Hello” and I was teaching her the ways of “Idiot man” Yes, I was very fluent in this language it seems but only when I was around women... From that point on I never really was fond of ducks, well the quacking part at least! ;)

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