Saturday, November 6, 2010

Ignorance, Sugar and Pain

When I initially suffered my stroke four years ago I thought that this would be one of the hardest battles that I would ever face, little did I know what truly laid ahead. In most cases people who suffer illness struggle with the shock of dreams dissipating, their world has changed and the laws that govern it have completely been removed. A matrix of questions and rules governed by pain, a fundamental shift. Now I wish to talk to you about something that is even more difficult than this proverbial “thorn in my side” situation. I never knew that humans were so desperate to place one another in small tight boxes, little cubbyholes of understanding. For instance when we meet people for the first time we ask them about their name, their job and what they believe or what is their passions in life. We want to know whether or not they can fit into our world, into our way of comfort-ability. In the four years of surviving my stroke I have never seen so much more of this behavior than now. When I stepped away from attending church it was a two folded issue. Not one that I wished had occurred, but sadly it did. People kept pushing their ideas as to why I was where I was. It felt bizarre at times and yet painfully sad at other times. People would say things like “God is trying to make you understand something and until that changes you are in this situation” while others would even go as far as to say “Maybe you are afflicted with demonic issues and that is why you can't handle being at church?!” The list goes on...
Then there was the strange feeling of being expected to attend church so God could heal me. People began to assume things and push agendas for their own sake so I could once again fit into the box that they had drawn me in. Since I wasn't attending church because my brain could not handle it people just faded away. Instead of comforting me during this tragic circumstance and just simply being a friend they wanted to make sure I attended on time and wanted to see God heal me so they could learn to trust in God more. I think many christians have the cart before the horse. When job went through his brutally tough time he learned that God is who he is not because of mans assumptions but because of His character! The flaws of his close friends were the guilt of assumption, ignorance. They spoke on behalf of God, assuming they knew what was correct and that they judged job without knowledge. Job's friends felt that they knew what was wrong and thought they could fix the situation. God only knew and the purpose that He had laid out was for His glory! Simply the truth was to trust and obey. Such a simple phrase and yet we all stand so far from this statement. Jesus lived the life of trusting and obeying, he exuded that faith, that desire to please his father. In fact Jesus healed many people where they were, he came to them. Jesus reached out and ignored the presumptions and judgments of others, in fact he healed people on the sabbath (a holy day) While the rest of us were in churches he was busy reaching out. Would we have judged him unfairly?
I am alive in Christ Jesus and my hope is in Gods amazing grace not because I am afraid of life or the possibility of prayers unanswered. God is faithful and just and like job I will praise him even when my circumstances say otherwise. He will restore unto me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me. I want to be real wherever I go and I want people to know Gods unfailing mercy and love. God will roll the stone away...


  1. you are amaaaaaazing, what insights you have.... and those who pushed you away need your prayers more than they know.

  2. thank you Rosemary, this is another excerpt from my soon to be book..

  3. I believe in most cases we all do this in some form or another. We all act in ignorance sooner or later. We all need prayer to change and be honest with what we are and who we are not.